A List Of Things Thrown Five Minutes Ago

THIS MEANS WAR:  Jon Stewart rants against Philadelphia; Jon Stewart attempts to apologize, but it's too late, because the mightiest seventeen-member legislative body on earth has responded:

WHEREAS, Stewart has apparently never been to Philadelphia, where a decade of development has transformed our dining and nightlife scenes into an abundant array of world class options that aren't overrun with overpaid Wall Street j@#%offs and where you won't need to sell your first born child to get a table; and

WHEREAS, While New York City has many wonderful sights and sounds, you simply cannot beat Philadelphia for the most passionate sports fans, more acres of parks and public murals than anywhere else in the country, a shockingly affordable cost of living, lack of crowded streets, and more American history than you can shake a stick at; and

WHEREAS, Jon Stewart should check himself when starts trash talking Philadelphia; last time we checked the Mets haven't won the World Series in nearly thirty years....