DWAYNE JOHNSON'S MONEY CLIP:  According to the latest annual survey by Visa, children are receiving an average of $3.70 per-tooth from the Tooth Fairy in 2013, as compared with $3.00 last year. Ninety percent of families pay ransom for their children's teeth, with 33% going with a flat dollar, 6% giving $20 or more per tooth, and 2% reaching a flabbergasting $50+ threshold.

GIVE IT UP: The summer could not end with my crowning the Worst "Blurred Lines" Parody of the Summer, a promo for Salt Lake City's KUTV News which somehow manages to be more exploitative of women than the original version.

It's one thing to have models prance around as the mute subjects of the male singers—being objectified is an inherent component of the job description. It's another to ask professional female newsreaders and reporters to dance around their male colleagues in an admiring manner, chastely fondle them, and serve as the subject of the male gaze in an asymmetrical, tacky mess. I have no idea why they'd agree to do this, and just have the oogies about the whole thing. [That said, 1:06 to 1:08 of the video is kinda awesome.]

On the other hand, when it comes to Song of the Summer remakes, there's Simon Pegg and Nick Frost's "Get Lucky," which is absolutely glorious. 

ALOTT5MA FRIDAY GRAMMAR RODEO, BDSM DESK: The Economist, Letters Section (August 24 edition):

Red cheeks all round 

SIR – Your article on the state of Britain’s coalition government used “dominatrixes” as the plural of dominatrix (“Enter the van men”, August 3rd). Whoever wrote that, rather than “dominatrices”, deserves a good spanking. 

JOHN BRISBY
Cambridge, Cambridgeshire

PERHAPS THE ONLY THING ON WHICH GREGG EASTERBROOK REMAINS CORRECT:  Seasonal creep sucks. My SuperFresh is already selling Halloween candy, and Starbucks started rolling out its pumpkin flavorings this morning.  Only, what, two weeks until the red cups and peppermint mocha frappuccinos?

AND THEN IT HAPPENED:  A brief essay from Pastor Steve Wiens reminds us that when you're traveling with small children, it's not a vacation—it's a trip:

A vacation is for sipping drinks at 10 a.m. and taking those obnoxious pictures of the lower half of your legs while looking out onto palm trees. A vacation is for getting massages and eating nachos and overusing phrases like "beer-thirty." A vacation is for pools and sun and servants, lots and lots of servants. 

Trips are just like that, except for everything....

STAPLETON AIRPORT AND SPRAY PAINT LAWS? IS THAT ALL YOU'VE GOT?  I'm unimpressed by this year's Beloit Mindset List, so if you want to feel old consider this: Tori Amos turned 50 last week.

CORNMEAL, BUTTERMILK, EGGS, SALT, BAKING POWDER AND ONION: Slate's Andrew Simmons pitches hush puppies as "crisp millimeter for millimeter, precious fat gram for fat gram, the best fried food in existence.... cornmeal in a state of grace."