CHEWBACCALAUREATE:  A Mother's Day weekend tradition unlike any other, which we've covered since our beginning, the 2014 University of Chicago Scavenger Hunt concludes today. Here's the list of items and tasks, including:

• Max Weber Grillz. [1 point]
• It sucks that the Mummer's Parade is always getting canceled. Let's make it more durable by combining it with another Philadelphia tradition: the Kensington Kinetic Sculpture Derby. Your `Fancy' Kinetic Sculpture Mummer ought to walk, not roll, but it need not be bipedal. Otherwise, it should adhere to the Derby's rules. Points for functionality and decoration. [175 points] 
• An eggplant boat that can carry at least one vegetable passenger. It should be propelled by a mechanism (sails, engine, etc.) that uses at least one vegetal component. [6 points]
• I've had the Scav of my life, and I owe it all to you. In particular, your ability to perform the Dirty Dancing lift. [3 points. 5 points if you put Baby in a corner and lift the Judge instead]

"PROPS. ALL PROPS MUST CONTINUE TO BE MAD PROPS": One of my favorite annual posts on the blog is the release of the annual University of Chicago Scavenger Hunt list. It's Mother's Day weekend, so say hello to the 2010 edition, which includes....

#59 - A FIVE-MINUTE HIGHLIGHT REEL FEATURING A COLOR COMMENTATOR AND PLAY-BY-PLAY ANALYSIS IN THE STYLE OF A CLASSIC ANNOUNCER. THE SPORT? MEDIEVAL TIMES: DINNER AND TOURNAMENT: Last weekend, the annual University of Chicago Scavenger Hunt was held. Here's this year's nineteen page list of items (PDF), with favorites including:

24. Walk through an automatic car wash dressed as Captain Cutler's Ghost. You would have gotten away with it too if it weren't for that spot free rinse. [10 points]

45. Sure, the latest Indiana Jones movie sucked, but those Crystal Skulls were undeniably awesome; perhaps they'll make appearances in other famous franchises? To start the crossovers, bring us one of Dan Aykroyd's crystal heads signed by a bona de Ghostbuster. [10 points for Ray, 20 points for Venkman, Egon, Winston, or Louis]

69. This one time I dreamed I was eating a giant marshmallow, but when I woke up my pillow was gone. I would so like to see that pillow again. Err, on second thought, bring me a new marshmallow pillow, along with its non-marshmallow pillowcase. [15 points]

101. Many a man thinketh that it is less than noble when We, the Judges, writeth items that are in the fashion of items of yesteryear. Never mindeth that much of these are born to be great, or that many a man completeth them with earnest fervor, if it must be so, if all items which are not completely new are by their very nature ignoble, then I giveth thee such an item without pretense, a repetition that dost not pretend to be noble--I giveth thee the Blagojevich coif. Or, rather, his stylist shall. [6 points]

129. Commies really do conspire to rule America, you know. Prove it with a one dollar bill bearing a serial number as close as possible to the longitude and latitude of Moscow. [10 points for being within 100 miles, 10 bonus points for being the closest]

163. There's a Brooklyn cocktail, a Bronx, and of course a Manhattan . . . but what about Queens and Staten Island? Your chief mixologist should concoct a fitting recipe to honor one of these long-suffering boroughs. [3 points]

192. A shtekeleh. [7 points]

234. You don't want to be just another asshole with prints of Starry Night and Dali's clocks plastered indiscriminately across your walls, do you? Demonstrate your worldly tastes and obvious class by reproducing one of Damien Hirst's major installations in your dorm room. You can scale it down, but will it still be art? [15 points]

243. Have the Bad Horse Singers deliver a message to your favorite Evil MacArthur Genius. [20 points]

PROPS. ALL PROPS MUST CONTINUE TO BE MAD PROPS:  If it's Mother's Day weekend, that means that hundreds of University of Chicago students are now somewhere between the Windy City and (for this year) Iowa, working on such Scavenger Hunt tasks as:

• This is my stapler. There are many like it, but this one is mine. My stapler is my best friend. It is my life. I must master it as I must master my life. My stapler, without me, is useless. Without my stapler, I am useless. I must bind my documents true. Bring your Swingline 747 Classic and one cleaning tool of your choice to Judgment, dismantle the stapler into eight pieces, present for inspection, reassemble, load a fresh clip, and put the finishing touch on [the ScavHunt list]. [7.47 points, plus 1 point for every minute under 5]
• Render a group portrait of the current Supreme Court, one justice represented in each of the following styles: manga, Mii, Ralph Steadman, H.R. Giger, Jules Feiffer, Raymond Briggs, Matt Groening, Jack Kirby, Al Hirschfeld. [9 points]

FOR A GOOD TIME CALL (303) 499-7111: Every year, those in charge of the University of Chicago Scavenger Hunt find new ways to perplex the nerds across the Midway in Hyde Park, and this year's list of objects and performances requested was no exception:

• To shave-a da face. To cut-a da hair. Require a grace. Require a flair! Provide one Demon Barber (with glistening friends) and one balloon, to vie for the quickest, closest (but not too close!) shave. Prove yourself worthy to shave-a da Pope!
• Remember when you were in elementary school and you had to make a model of a volcano out of papier-mache and baking soda? Well, do that again. Only really big. There is a limit on the number of points you can win, but there's no limit on how big your volcano can be.
• CJ Minard made a map, a very famous map. Douglas MacArthur organized a campaign, an infamous campaign. Please plot the United States' advance into and retreat from North Korea using Minard's form. You determine how you would like to illustrate the Chinese intervention.
• Get Obama's haircut at Obama's barbershop.
• The Blues Brothers set future Chicagoans up for a major disappointment: since moving here, I have never once seen enormous groups of strangers moved, as if part of a flash mob, to spontaneously burst into elaborately choreographed song-and-dance numbers in iconic locations. Fix that.
• Passed your OWLS? Breezed through your NEWTS? It's time you showed off your skills now that you're in college! Perform one or more of the following: Wingardium Leviosa, Relashio, Engorgio. If you really think you have what it takes to do them all, topping it off with a corporeal Patronus should be a piece of cake. [5 points per spell]
• ScavenFeast 2k8: the penultimate Top Chef challenge. At 7 PM on Saturday, present a mighty repast in eX Libris wherein Judges, team cooks, and some element of captaincy might break bread and satisfy their deepest hungers. Those hungers consisting, of course, of an: I. Appetizer: clearly illustrating utilization of the latest techniques in molecular gastronomy; II. Entree: featuring a Secret Theme Ingredient to be revealed at the Samurai Showdown; and III. Dessert: We all know Baked Alaska is delicious, but so few people are from Alaska it is difficult to ind true kinship with the dish. With that in mind, we would have you prepare Baked [Your Home State], in which you produce a baked dessert you believe best exemplifes your own state. For all dishes, be prepared to explain yourself and certainly bring enough to share.

New for 2008? A lot more of the competition on YouTube, as well as blogs by competitors and the Maroon's staff. Oh, and a single member per team had a pillowcase pulled over his/her head at 3:30 am on Thursday, driven to Midway Airport, and asked to find these objects in Las Vegas.

IN SOVIET RUSSIA, SCAV HUNTS YOU! Matt reminded me that the 2006 University of Chicago Scavenger Hunt list is out, and, as always, it's a doozy:

80. Marzipander to our marziphantasies! Your marzipanoramic marzipanoply should include marzipansies, a marzipanzer, marziPeter Pan, a marzipanda, a marzipangolin, a marziPan paniscus, marzipanpipes, a marzipancreas, a marzipanther, and marzipots and pans, but should by no means create marzipandemonium. Presenter must be suitably attired in marzipants. [23 points]

94. An Obama-signed Obama sign. A Keyes-signed Keyes sign. An Obama-signed Keyes sign. A Keyes-signed
Obama sign. [2 points; 2 points; 4 points; 4 points]

124. Who wears short shorts? Why, tenured faculty members, of course! [10 points]

167. Hostess Pie ads featuring the characters and styles of the following: Neil Gaiman's Sandman, Alan
Moore's League of Extraordinary Gentlemen, Art Spiegelman's Maus, and Frank Miller's Sin City.
Mmmm, pies. [5 points per ad]

211. That's a hell of a book, Dr. Seuss. What do you call it? "The Aristocrats!" [12 points]

Past lists going back to 1987 are available here, but go find us some more goodies for 2006.

#72 -- RESURRECT GREGORY HINES: An annual favorite here, the 2004 University of Chicago Scavenger Hunt list is now available online. (PDF) They're on the streets as we speak.

Let us know your favorites in the Comments.

A WHATSIT, A WHO, AND A WHICH: A perennial favorite of mine, the 2003 University of Chicago Scavenger Hunt lists are now online. Among the highlights for items sought:

9. We give you a number. You give us the Shakespearean sonnet. From memory. No, you don't have to memorize all of them. Just the ones that coincide with jersey numbers of Brewers legends inducted into the Miller Park Walk of Fame. [37 points. 9 bonus points if the Judges can read along in Rapanuian]

12. A team captain with his/her shoelaces tied together who has recently received a wedgie, a swirlie, an Indian burn, a wet willie, a titty twister, a kick-me sign, a pinkbelly, a dead leg, a typewriter, a noogie, a melvin, a ``got your nose,'' a doink (``what's that on your shirt? doink!'') and a monkey kiss. [26 points. 4 bonus points if this captain pulls the finger of a female teammember with predictable results]

33. Can you write in your mouth? Like, if we gave you a small pencil and a small piece of paper, could you put them in your mouth, close your mouth, and then somehow write ``gonk'' on the piece of paper? Start practicing. [41 points]

52. Make a menorah out of Easter M&Ms. [8 points]

118. All previous attempts at Harry Potter items have been utter failures, though the item conception was sheer brilliance. For god's sake, don't screw this one up. Send a Howler to remind the Head Judge to call his mom on Mother's Day. [60 1/2 points]

251. Foam Chomsky. [25 points]

And among the Olympics tasks needing to be performed, my favorites:

3. The Western Ave. Cup, or The Glengarry Glen Robstacle Course. This one takes brass balls, gentlemen. Have you got what it takes to be a salesman? We want to see Dave Moss, Richard Roma, George Aaronow, and Shelley ``The Machine'' Levene, each in proper attire (with umbrellas, too).
--Deliver any (substantial) monologue from the film.
--Buy us a pack of gum and show us how to chew it.
--Go on a sit. You must get a Judge to sign on the line which is dotted simply by sitting perfectly still staring firmly, while pointing your pen at them for five minutes.
--Find the leads.
--Sell them to Jerry Graff.
[First place is a new Cadillac, Second place is a set of steak knives, third place is you're fired. 35 bonus points if you can sell the leads to Professor Gerald Graff]

6. The Jolly Giant Cup. Present a meta-human, built from four enterprising teammembers (one person per leg, torso-people on their shoulders). Head to the local Big and Tall to dress them up right, as they suddenly become a singular being. You will be competing in a hundred meter dash. Like Voltron, your giant will need a head, and you can build it however you see fit, but it will be in the likeness of a great bald superstar chosen randomly at the Captains' Ice Cream Social. [50 points for first place, 40 for second, 30 for third. 20 points for participating]

WHILE WE'RE ON THE SUBJECT: In case you weren't aware, at some random point during the next week or two this blog will cease to be updated regularly, for a period of 3-5 days, minimum.

(Translation: Jen's due date was yesterday. Read all about it here.)

Oh, dear, you must be wondering, how can I amuse myself if Adam's not around? My life before this blog was solitary, poor, nasty, brutish and short.

Fear not. For starters, check out all the links down the left-hand side. I am particularly happy to note that TV Tattle is back to near-daily publication for May sweeps, and once you check it out you'll realize just how lazy I am some days when it comes to finding links for y'all. And for those not in the media business and already-knowing, Jim Romenesko's MediaNews is invaluable daily reading for the best news about the news, mostly focusing on the world of print journalism.

If that's exhausted, let me suggest a few good time-sucks:

1. Fark.com, for good links and great Photoshop spoofery, like today's set of movie poster hacks.

2. The Atlantic Monthly always has good archived articles online. Read them.

3. Better yet, you did know that every single episode of public radio's This American Life was available online, didn't you?

4. Peruse lists of items required and tasks needing to be performed during past University of Chicago Scavenger Hunts. Be proud that our nation's best and brightest not only designed these weekend-long activities ("Bring a lightbulb from the birthplace of Thomas Edison"; "Make mathematical sense of Jay-Z's ``H.O.V.A.'' and interpret its meaning in the context of the song", "Have Arthur Andersen audit a class", etc.), but also faithfully execute them, every year.

5. If you have to, spend more time at work doing work. Yeah, I know, not ideal.

6. Read the spoiled endings from over a hundred movies at Jim's Cinepad.

7. Learn more about the real-life General Tso.

8. Back to archives: all of Bill Simmons' ESPN writings are online, even if his previous "Boston Sports Guy" columns are not.

9. Even if you missed the original airings, re-read Television Without Pity's recaps of every Amazing Race episode ever. Or all six seasons of Survivor. (From Survivor episode 1-1: "Each team treks onto the beach, where an elaborately constructed and ridiculously stupid obstacle course awaits them. Is Jeff Probst extremely self-important or is it just me? He makes them all touch their life on the island, the immunity idol. How very Bradys Go To Hawaii. And how'd he get away with removing it from the construction site, anyway?")

Or some other show.

That should be enough to hold you over for at least a few days. :)

Okay, and one last thing, one I haven't mentioned before in five months of blogging: why not read the first chapters of Jen's books, and, if you're sufficiently entertained, buy one. C'mon, dawg.