BRING BACK CAROL MERRILL: NBC, desperate for something, anything, that works after a generally disastrous fall launch, begins a 5 night television event tonight--"Deal, Or No Deal?" Gameplay is ludicrously simple:

• A contestant is presented with 26 briefcases. Those briefcases have some amount of money in them, ranging from a penny to one million dollars. They choose one, which remains closed.
• The player then eliminates 6 briefcases from contention, which are opened, revealing how much money was in them.
• Based on which briefcases have been eliminated, "the bank" makes an offer--keep playing, or take an offer calculated to be (roughly) the mathematical expected value of the remaining briefcases, including the "chosen one."
• Repeat (with the number of briefcases to be eliminated prior to an offer being made reduced each round) until the player either takes the deal or there are only two suitcases remaining.

This could be interesting with the right host. However, color me unconvinced that Howie Mandel is that "right host." Also, it seems to me that there is an ideal way to play the game assuming the goal is to maximize winnings. Any of our more mathematically inclined readers care to explain?

"THE FIRST MEAT CONE THAT WE SENT OUT OF STATE WAS ON A GREYHOUND BUS": Gyros are the new black.

MORE PULIZER PRIZE-Y THAN ALOTT5MA AWARD-WORTHY: The New York Times has had a hard year this year, what with JudithMillerpalooza, that scathing New Yorker piece last week, and the increasing insanity of Maureen Dowd. However, that doesn't mean that the Times, when it sets its mind to it, can't still do exemplary journalism, as today's extraordinarily lengthy front page article about webcams, child pornography, and one boy's spiraling descent into addiction proves. The accompanying essay by lead reporter Kurt Eichenwald about how the story was developed is also worthy.

AS HOSTED BY PAST WINNERS TRAMPOLINE BEAR AND SIDD FINCH: The following 2005 ALOTT5MA Awards were handed out in ceremonies prior to broadcast:

Saddest Celebrity Deaths: Luther Vandross and John Spencer

Best-Orchestrated Celebrity Comeback: Woody Allen (not that I've seen the movie yet, but he's doing the publicity well, at least.)

Favorite Recurring Joke On 'Pardon The Interruption': Tony doesn't stay up late enough to watch anything after 8:30pm.

Least Favorite Recurring Joke On 'Pardon The Interruption': Still joking about their obsession with The Yanks and the Sawks. We get it, guys.

That Couldn't Have Been Scripted WTF!?! Reality TV Moment of the Year: TAR7's Kelly and Ron talk about commitment.

Least Talented Reality TV Competitor of the Year Who Nevertheless Advanced Way Too Far In His Competition: Scott Savol, American Idol 4. Go ahead, you can blot him out of your memory again.

Sign That I'm Getting Old: I'm getting honestly offended by some of the lyrics I'm hearing on the radio these days. We heard a song called "Laffy Taffy" on the radio on Thanksgiving evening that included the line "Girls call me Jolly Rancher/Cause I stay so hard/You can suck me for a long time/Oh my lord!" Now, really. Call me a prude, if you must, but does this belong on over-the-air radio?

Favorite Pop Culture Court Decision: American Movie Classics cable channel successfully sued for no longer showing "movie classics".

More to come. Still trying to figure out how to walk back the cat from Kingsley's claim in April that "no matter what happens for the rest of the season, Survivor's Stephenie LaGrossa will not only win the 2005 ALOTT5MA Award for Reality TV Competitor of the Year (2004: Rob Mariano), but will enter the Pantheon of favorite reality tv people ever with Ruthie and Teck, Team Guido, Jeff Balis and Chris Moore, Miss J. Alexander and the rest."

I guess that "for the rest of the season" does not exclude consideration of what she did in the following season, if Tom Westman and Austin Scarlett have anything to say about it . . .

PREVIOUS WINNERS INCLUDE GEORGE AND TALK: The winner of this year's ALOTT5MA Award ("Fivesies?") for Most Premature Death (Non-Human) was an easy call. Though you wouldn't know it from the magazine's website, Radar magazine has (again) died. Radar was the closest thing we're likely to see to a magazine version of this blog, with a smart and funny take on pop culture, and semi-scholarly articles on subjects like Tom Cruise's martyr complex/insanity and the mysterious allure of Angelina Jolie. A child of the late, lamented Spy (in the best way), unfortunately, it seems it has followed Spy to a premature grave. (Runner-up? Gawker Media's fairly short-lived gambling blog Oddjack, which somehow apparently managed to be the only part of the poker craze that didn't work out.)

Last year, Toni Bentley won the category for Most Overexposed Female "Celebrity." This year, that honor again goes to a writer, though not for a book. The award goes to author (and wife of Michael Chabon) Ayelet Waldman as a result of this piece. Our good friend Alex Balk explains why better than I ever could.

DOES THIS MEAN THEY'LL BE LICENSING "I STILL HAVEN'T FOUND WHAT I'M LOOKING FOR" TO MICROSOFT? Who woulda thought that the creator of Microsoft Bob and a member of the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame would wind up sharing Time's Person of the Year for 2005?

YOU THINK YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE. YOU HAVE NO IDEA: I haven't most of the movies on Roger Ebert's year-end top ten list, but I have seen its #1 and #10 (which Matt also liked), and am glad to see both recognized.

Ebert's traditional bias in favor of Liberal Message Movies (and slightly against comedy) is in full effect, but, hey, the man's also giving you every top ten list of his from 1967-present today. So enjoy.