JOHN CLEESE IS NO LONGER FUNNY: At least, he's retiring from writing and performing because, he says, he'll never top Fawlty Towers.

NEXT ON THE LIST OF THINGS THAT NO ONE EVER WOULD HAVE BOTHERED TO DO IF THEY COULDN'T BLOG ABOUT IT: Eat nothing but monkey kibble for an entire week. Props to Brokentype for breaking this important story, and especially for the incisive coverage of the vital civil liberties and intellectual property issues some lawyers and lobbyists imagined it to raise.

Edited to add: the link to The Big List, which you should visit if you haven't recently. Among the best features of the kibble-enthusiast's The Last Angry Young Man website. But then, I do like me a rant. Or sixty-four rants, in this case. Right on, most of them.

COME ON DOWN! In case you were wondering when the New York Times was going to cover the real issues, it offers tips for how to get on The Price Is Right. Also, study up on your guide to pricing games--you want to play Cliff Hangers, not Double Prices.

SHE WILL CONTINUE TO REMIND YOU OF THE MESS YOU LEFT WHEN YOU WENT AWAY, NAMELY, THOSE DIRTY SOCKS OVER THERE: Ryan Reynolds and Alanis Morissette have split. No word on which of the 21 things she wants in a lover Reynolds lacked.

IF YOUR WILDEST DREAM CAME TRUE, WOULD I BE IN IT? I watched the encore of the Windfall premiere last night on the plane, and left intrigued enough that I'll probably give it a second shot. The concept is simple enough--a group of neighbors and friends hit the lotto, and their lives change in both expected and unexpected ways. Of course, some threads appear to be eminently predictable (there's already been a blackmail attempt, and we have one person running around attempting to be a good samaritan), while others could be a bit more interesting. My biggest question is how long the show can sustain itself. It doesn't seem to me that this concept can go for more than 10 or so episodes before needing to resolve itself. Anyone else watching?

LET'S HEAR IT FOR THE BOYS: Tonight's Tony Awards are sitting on my TiVo, but I have a feeling some folks would like to discuss the results, led by two shows which do not contain the Denyse Austin (as pointed out in the comments, it should be Deniece Williams--lesson learned in re blogging at 1 AM) classic referenced above. I have only two initial thoughts (having seen only one of the shows that won something tonight):

• Wow, was anyone else expecting more in the way of wins from Sweeney Todd? The direction win was a big one (and an obvious one), but not having a single acting win and getting beaten by Pajama Game in the top category?
• That History Boys set had better be incredible, because the set for Rabbit Hole was astoundingly effective, managing to put three full size rooms on stage using interlocking turntables.

HEARTS FULL OF YOUTH, HEARTS FULL OF TRUTH: The NYT did its annual round-up of commencement addresses Sunday, but since they didn't take the logical step of posting online links to the full transcripts of such speeches, I had to find Ellen Degeneres at Tulane, Billy Joel at Syracuse and Melissa Etheridge at Berklee College of Music myself.

Two notes:

• Is there no greater sign that your school didn't get its first, second or third choice commencement speaker than that you landed Cokie Roberts?
• Surely, the 2006 winner for Least Essential Live Album is going to be that fact that there's a third fourth Billy Joel live album, no? I mean, we're not exactly talking about Phish or Bruce Springsteen here . . . (corrected; thanks to 'looking italian')