NO YOUNG WHITE GUY HAS EVER GOTTEN ANYWHERE WITH ISAAC COMPARING HIMSELF TO ROSA PARKS: By now, you probably know the story -- Will.I.Am confronts Perez Hilton about Hilton's web site and its coverage of the Black Eyed Peas; an argument ensues; Hilton yells an epithet at Will.I.Am, and the Black Eyed Peas' manager punches Hilton. I'll repeat the line I used when Ozzie Guillen used the same word:

I won't repeat the slur here, but here's a hint: it starts with "f," ends with "ag," and has "I am a complete douchebag" all over the middle part. But the middle part is silent.

Yep, that works here too. Nobody should have punched Hilton, that much is obvious. It also seems pretty obvious that nobody is in the right here -- one person used a euphemism for "gay" intending it as a raising-the-stakes insult, and another one received it exactly as intended and predictably overreacted. But what I find most offensive about this whole thing is Hilton's campaign to make himself a martyr, to paint himself the victim of random political or societal violence instead of an incredibly stupid barroom fight in which he was not entirely blameless. I've been pretty successful avoiding Perez Hilton completely for most of his barely literate career and I'd like to go back to that.

IT IS A DUTY I TAKE ON RELUCTANTLY: But with Ms. Cosmopolitan away to Parts Unknown (no, not with Gov. Sanford), it falls upon me to share the news that Sarah Jessica Parker and Matthew Broderick are now the parents of twin girls Tabitha Hodge Broderick and Marion Loretta Elwell Broderick.

The Associated Press has compiled the views of three other baby-naming gurus to evaluate the names, which include middle names both from Parker's family tree. My lay view? Tabitha Hodge is well, but Marion for a girl works better as "Marian," no?

Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen :: rogerebert.com :: Reviews

FALLEN, INDEED: Roger Ebert did not care for the new Transformers film -- "a horrible experience of unbearable length, briefly punctuated by three or four amusing moments ... If you want to save yourself the ticket price, go into the kitchen, cue up a male choir singing the music of hell, and get a kid to start banging pots and pans together. Then close your eyes and use your imagination."

BILLY BEANE IS NOT MY LOVER:Who knows who long it will be up, but Jeffrey Wells has posted the 12/1/08 Steven Zaillian draft of the Moneyball screenplay. The project's been put on hold due to concerns about the commercial problems of the script.

FOR WHEN YOU'RE GOING TO BE TAKEN TO FUNKYTOWN: I was looking back, and many moons ago, we were amused by selections from the 1977 JC Penney catalog. With Manhattan's first JCP opening next month, let's look at some additional clothing selections, and exercise equipment from the same catalog.

ACTUALLY, CONSTRUCTION WAS BEGUN ON THE PROJECT IN THE 1970S: I don't know how much credence to give to this Internet report that Disney is hard at work on a new mini-park at WDW themed around Lost, and E! has shot it down as a rumor. but your imagineering suggestions are certainly invited.

YES SIR, YOU ARE CORRECT SIR! I AM DEAD! Ed McMahon has died at 86. After McMahon left, the talk show sidekick role went out of favor for a while (though Letterman has used Shaffer as something of a sidekick, and the Conan-Andy interplay in the early years of Late Night is naturally memorable)--he so defined that role. There are few performers who will be remembered for one line more than him. It's kind of fitting that he passed away just a few weeks into the Conan era, given that Conan has brought back a sidekick/announcer to the show.

ETA: SNL's "Carsenio" sketch, featuring the late, great Phil Hartman's moment in "Ed McMahon's Party Machine."