Monday, October 26, 2009
COUNTERPOINT: We do not yet celebrate, because we have been here before. Forty times, actually, and twenty-six of those times we got what we came for. For those of you who don't have unemployed financial wizards littering the streets to do the math for you, 26-14 is a 65% winning percentage, which would be good for 105 wins in the regular season. Ergo: we are better in the World Series than everyone else is in the regular season.
We have seven starters whose OPS is greater than .850. Our shortstop is so beloved that our engineers are working on infecting him with a terrifying new degenerative disease so that it can be named after him.
Every Yankee team that has won a pennant has been underrated. Every Yankee team that has failed to win a pennant was robbed or cheated by the anti-Yankee establishment. Every Yankee deserves to win the MVP every year (except whiny choke-artist Alex Rodriguez, who has not done a single thing right during his entire Yankee career). Every fan of a team that is not the Yankees (or, we grudgingly admit, the hated Red Sox) is incapable of understanding what it is like to be a real baseball fan.
In some English dialects, our nickname means "person who is masturbated" (the Yankor is ESPN).
More young Asians wear our hats than wear clean underwear.
We built our right field fence to whiffle ball specs. Some think this was an accident, but in fact it was designed to be the greatest distance of which C.C. Sabathia is capable of walking without a meal break.
We are so successful that we plated our entire stadium with enough gold to make necklaces for every New Jersey auto detailer that we no longer want attending our games. Our stadium is so in demand that people pay us thousands of dollars for the privilege of not being able to afford seats. We use this to finance our unusual free-agent bidding strategy, in which we put two representatives into every auction to continue bidding against each other even after every other team has dropped out.
When we celebrate, we generally do not fall off of taxicabs. Perhaps we can just chalk that up to experience celebrating. We look forward to conquering the Philadelphia Philadelphies and their quaintly enthusiastic supporters.
We have seven starters whose OPS is greater than .850. Our shortstop is so beloved that our engineers are working on infecting him with a terrifying new degenerative disease so that it can be named after him.
Every Yankee team that has won a pennant has been underrated. Every Yankee team that has failed to win a pennant was robbed or cheated by the anti-Yankee establishment. Every Yankee deserves to win the MVP every year (except whiny choke-artist Alex Rodriguez, who has not done a single thing right during his entire Yankee career). Every fan of a team that is not the Yankees (or, we grudgingly admit, the hated Red Sox) is incapable of understanding what it is like to be a real baseball fan.
In some English dialects, our nickname means "person who is masturbated" (the Yankor is ESPN).
More young Asians wear our hats than wear clean underwear.
We built our right field fence to whiffle ball specs. Some think this was an accident, but in fact it was designed to be the greatest distance of which C.C. Sabathia is capable of walking without a meal break.
We are so successful that we plated our entire stadium with enough gold to make necklaces for every New Jersey auto detailer that we no longer want attending our games. Our stadium is so in demand that people pay us thousands of dollars for the privilege of not being able to afford seats. We use this to finance our unusual free-agent bidding strategy, in which we put two representatives into every auction to continue bidding against each other even after every other team has dropped out.
When we celebrate, we generally do not fall off of taxicabs. Perhaps we can just chalk that up to experience celebrating. We look forward to conquering the Philadelphia Philadelphies and their quaintly enthusiastic supporters.
OUR QUARTERLY PAGE SIX: Via our regulars in the comments, calliek got married last week and Gretchen is now pregnant -- to which we say wh-hoo! and a hearty mazel tov. We couldn't help but wonder, of course, whether there's even more news of recent vintage that y'all would like to share. Go for it, gang.
A VERB, AN OMISSION AND AN INCLUSION: Eagle-eyed readers will spot three details in this NYT wedding announcement yesterday which sparked much discussion at the ALOTT5MA Weddings and Celebrations Desk. Especially that last one, which falls under the category of really? you had to go there?
Sunday, October 25, 2009
DO IT FOR THE SUBURBS! That's my kind of TAR leg -- clues that were clues, tasks that required mental acuity and patience (or at least long division skills) ... aw, screw it. All we're going to end up talking about is one character's Flo-ish breakdown towards the end, her teammate's efforts to restore her confidence and another team's intervention in same -- which I saw as awesome, funny and not-outcome-determinative, but others understandably may see as a total dick move. YMMV.
Also, Miss Alli's recap of last week is now up: "It turns out that when you get to the 124th floor of the building, you walk out onto sort of a patio, and you get your clue. And THAT IS ALL. Seriously? I mean, I realize you can’t jump off of everything or rappel down everything, but 'walk out onto a balcony' is not a task."
Also, Miss Alli's recap of last week is now up: "It turns out that when you get to the 124th floor of the building, you walk out onto sort of a patio, and you get your clue. And THAT IS ALL. Seriously? I mean, I realize you can’t jump off of everything or rappel down everything, but 'walk out onto a balcony' is not a task."
With strong female characters, Hollywood suffers from a fear of failure
"I CALL THEM 'GIRL-POWER' MOVIES. THEY'RE THE MOVIES I DREAM ABOUT FOR MY FEMINIST FUTURE. AND THE FACT THAT PEOPLE DIDN'T GO TO SEE THESE MOVIES MAKES ME WANT TO WEEP": The WaPo's Ann Hornaday with a Sunday thinkpiece on why films with female protagonists aren't doing terribly well, whether it's Hollywood's fault or our own, and whether the only place we'll be seeing strong female dramatic roles will be on television in the future. No, things aren't looking good for Amelia this weekend.
PREMORSE FOR ANGELFIRE? The once-massively-popular free site-building resource Geocities will disappear today and join the land of the defunct. (HT: @JosephFinn.)
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