IT'S UNCLEAR WHETHER SHE ALSO SWEEPS UP ALL THE TOAST:  Cleaning up for Penn students earned this woman $140,000 last year.

WHERE WERE YOU WHEN THE IDOL STOPPED SUCKING?  Now that wasn't so bad, and most of the credit goes to Lady Gaga who taught the kids an obvious, but necessary lesson -- to sell a song, don't just sing the words. Become the narrator. And she was fun; making Scotty uncomfortable was the highlight of the night.

Singing-wise while Haley's "I Who Have Nothing" was only about 80% Sparks, 80% of that performance is still pretty darn nice. Unfortunately she also had the worst performance of the night, getting swallowed up whole by Michael Jackson's "Earth Song."

The G-Rated Lambert was his normally competent self; Lauren's a bit outmatched by the competition at this point and just hasn't developed; and Scotty ... I can't root for someone who chose that song, this week. Cannot.

ALOTT5MA CASTING DIVISION: Let's talk about 2 pieces of casting news in two different fields:

• Apparently, CBS was, at one point, pursuing Hugh Grant to fill the Charlie Sheen slot on Two and A Half Men. It's unclear if the idea's dead or just in limbo at this point (Deadline claims negotiations broke down last night over "creative differences"), but man, I might actually watch a couple of episodes with that casting. As About A Boy proved, Grant can do the "lovable asshole" thing really well, and it'd certainly be at least worth trying.
• Woody Harrelson will play Haymitch Abernathy in The Hunger Games. I've seen reactions both extremely positive and extremely negative to the news, and find myself somewhere in the middle. I'm not sold that Harrelson can play the menacing/creepy side that's so important to the character, even if the "dissolute drunk" part and "used to be a naive innocent" part will come easily.

IT'S JUST OCCURRED TO ME WHAT THEY'VE BEEN CHANTING FOR THE LAST FEW MINUTES: I'm going to skate towards the edges of our No Politics rule for a moment just to highlight an ad from an underdog candidate in an upcoming California special election, because if you're going for the underdog pitch this is pretty much how you have to do it.  Once the music kicks in: chills.

PUMBA! NOT IN FRONT OF THE KIDS! I kind of don't want to post this link, because so much of the fun of The Book of Mormon is the shock of recognition. But if you haven't gotten your tickets yet (despite the fact that I'm sure I told you all to hurry up and buy them after the third or fourth preview performance), you might be waiting for a long, long time. And so I give you NPR's posting of the soundtrack of The Book of Mormon, which will be released for real on May 17. Just please, if you're going to see the show anytime soon, skip Hasa Diga Eebowai for now. And Joseph Smith American Moses, and maybe Man Up. But definitely Hasa Diga Eebowai.

For those of you who have seen the show, the comment thread is open to discuss what the heck the cast is going to perform at the Tonys. My vote is a medley of I Believe (for the pure gorgeousness of the song and Andrew Rannells's voice) and Turn it Off (for the tap dancing), but what the heck is Josh Gad gonna sing?

WEST COAST AVENGERS ASSEMBLE: I'm making a hybrid business/pleasure trip over to the Left Coast starting this coming weekend, with 5 days in the Bay Area followed by 3 days in LA. An ALOTT5MA Happy Hour in LA is already in the planning stages for Friday May 20 somewhere in the LA area. If you're interested in attending, have location suggestions, or other ideas for things that should be done in LA or San Fran, chip in below. All are welcome, and based on my experiences, ThingThrowers don't bite, at least unless they are seriously provoked.

SHE STILL WANTS TO TAKE A RIDE ON A DISCO STICK: Saturday night, HBO aired what may be the only theatrical production with a storyline that makes less sense than the pre-revisions version of Spider-Man: Turn Off The Dark. I am, of course, speaking of Lady Gaga Presents The Monster Ball Tour. Admittedly, I fast forwarded through chunks of the show where she was playing less familiar songs, but as best as I could tell, the story involved Gaga and her oddly dressed companions trekking through the wilderness to attend the "Monster Ball," where after finding assistance from Jesus and his bitchin' guitar solo, Gaga defeats a giant Monster (apparently representing fame and/or the paparazzi) before being ascended to heaven, which is apparently a loud dance club. (Let's leave aside that "loud dance club that never ends" might be among my personal conceptions of hell.)

There was a bunch of fascinating stuff in the show--some enterprising religious studies major is assuredly already hard at work on their senior thesis for next year about religious imagery in the works of Lady Gaga--but it didn't make a lick of sense, and Gaga seemed to keep falling back on the same things to ramp up the audience--shouting "New York," "Monsters!," or delivering long, impassioned, yet rather unconvincing, speeches about how your dreams will come true. I admire Gaga for her utter commitment to her concept and her activism (which seems to authentically come from her convictions), but I prefer my spectacles on this level to have at least a hint of irony, and Gaga don't do irony.