THE THERMOPYLAE, THE MASADA, THE FORT MCHENRY OF QUIET:  Tim Kreider writes in the NYT about the battles it takes to keep Amtrak's Quiet Car quiet.

[He cites therein the work of philosopher Aaron James, whose new book Assholes: A Theory defines the term in this manner: "A person counts as an asshole when, and only when, he systematically allows himself to enjoy special advantages in interpersonal relations out of an entrenched sense of entitlement that immunizes him against the complaints of other people."]

NO WAY:  Mike Myers has completed writing a script for Wayne's World 3, which features "Wayne and Garth coping with the new era of music, transitioning from access cable to streaming internet (ala Youtube) and Wayne balancing his marriage to Cassandra." Myers is 49, Dana Carvey is 57, and the last time a Wayne's World film was released Justin Bieber was still in utero. Can we just say party off already?

KUDOS FOR THE 'F,' BUT THE APOSTROPHE'S ABSENCE IS DISTURBING:  The AA baseball affiliate in Reading, PA, has dropped its "R-Phils" moniker to become the Reading Fightin Phils (or just "Fightins"), with a pugnacious 1950-style ostrich as its new mascot. Why an ostrich? The Crazy Hot Dog Vendor, of course.

YOU THINK YOU'RE THE CLEVER LITTLE GIRL WHO KNOWS SOMETHING. THERE'S SO MUCH YOU DON'T KNOW, SO MUCH. WHAT DO YOU KNOW, REALLY? YOU'RE JUST AN ORDINARY LITTLE GIRL, LIVING IN AN ORDINARY LITTLE TOWN: Criticwire's weekly survey asked critics to name their favorite underrated Hitchcock film, with Frenzy, The Trouble With Harry and Shadow of a Doubt among those with multiple nods.

LIKE, EVER:  An Eagles season this depressing deserves a swiftian musical response: "We Are Never, Ever Gonna Win With Andy."

[I see nothing wrong with Reid finishing the season; he has earned the right to a dignified departure. But it's over.]

FOR PRACTICAL PURPOSES, EVERYONE KNOWS WHAT A LOBSTER IS:  Publishers Weekly selects the top ten essays of the post-war era.

LET THEM ENTERTAIN YOU:  As we near the end of the year, it's time to begin speculating about EW's Entertainer of the Year.  My thoughts for the frontrunners:

• Joss Whedon and the cast of The Avengers--It's the #1 movie of the year by a big margin thus far, and the only thing I'm seeing the rest of the year that has a shot at topping it is The Hobbit, which I'm not convinced isn't going to disappoint commercially.
• Jennifer Lawrence--Star and face of The Hunger Games (the #3 movie of the year thus far), and a likely Oscar nominee for Silver Linings Playbook.  She's easily going to be on the Top 10 list, but #1?  I doubt it.
• Twilight/Kristen Stewart/Robert Pattinson--This is the easy choice to sell magazines, and Stewart has been the female lead in two $150M+ grossers this year, not an easy feat.
• Channing Tatum--Lead in 3 $100M+ grossers this year, covering comedy and drama, and will sell magazines.
• Seth MacFarlane--TV empire, what will almost certainly remain the highest-grossing comedy of the year, and hosting next year's Oscars?  Again, sounds like a Top 10 choice, but I'm not convinced #1.
• E.L. James/50 Shades of Grey--Would be only second writer to be so recognized, but in terms of cultural force, there's a darn good case to be made.  But would the cover sell?
• Taylor Swift--Would be the first ever repeat winner, but she's the logical choice for music this year if they want to go in that direction.
• The cast of the NCIS Franchise--TV's top scripted show by a country mile, with a third spinoff coming later this year. (Also possible in a similar vein?  The cast of The Big Bang Theory.) 

Anything else I'm missing?