LINDSAY LOHAN, PAUL SCHRADER, AND BRET EASTON ELLIS WALK ONTO A MOVIE SET... And it sounds like a joke, and it kinda is, but it's mostly sad, which is also why I haven't had anything to say about the much-discussed-elsewhere, equal parts enlightening and frustrating Elizabeth Wurtzel essay in New York magazine on the state of her world. Watching troubled people in free-fall is difficult, and Wurtzel's self-awareness only goes about 80% to where she needs to be.

LET'S GO TO THE MOVIES:Your Oscar nominees have arrived--a few preliminary thoughts:

• The nine nominees for best picture were pretty much what you would have expected, though Beasts of the Southern Wild and Amour are mild surprises.  No big huge blockbuster made it in--no Dark Knight Rises, Skyfall, or Avengers.
• Not that it matters, since Daniel Day-Lewis is going to win, but John Hawkes lost his slot to Joaquin Phoenix in the Best Actor race.
• Actress is the most competitive race, right?  The only one that would shock me as a winner there is Wallis, more because of youth than anything else.
• Much better day for Silver Linings Playbook than many had anticipated, with nominations in all acting categories (Jacki Weaver is the surprise there), as well as picture, director, and screenplay nominations.
• Not so good a day for Les Mis, which gets an Actor/Supporting Actress/Picture/Song nod, as well as several technical nods, but no Director or Screenplay nod.
• Director is the big surprise--no love for Affleck, Hooper, Tarantino, or Kathryn Bigelow, which makes it look like Spielberg's shot at another Oscar is pretty clear.
• Favorite weird pairing?  Costume design, where the year's two Snow White films will face off.  (Both had serious problems, but the costume design was not among them.)
• Based on the overall nominations, sure looks like Lincoln is in for a big night.

Talk amongst yourself below.

FROM THE SANCTIMONIOUS PRIG DESK:  The members of the Baseball Writers Association of America have elected no one to the National Baseball Hall of Fame for 2013. Topping the ballot were Craig Biggio (68.2%), Jack Morris (67.7%), Jeff Bagwell (59.6%), Mike Piazza (57.8%) and Tim Raines (52.2%), with Roger Clemens and Barry Bonds at 37.6% and 36.2%, respectively.  Our readers, on the other hand, would have inducted Bagwell, Clemens, Biggio, Piazza, Bonds and Raines.

Bernie Williams, David Wells, Sandy Alomar Jr, and Kenny Lofton are among those who failed to clear the 5% hurdle and have been dropped from future consideration by the writers; meanwhile, next year's logjam will be ridiculous -- in addition to the names above, plus Schilling, E Martinez, McGwire, and Trammell, you also will have Tom Glavine, Jeff Kent, Greg Maddux, Mike Mussina, and Frank Thomas as first-time eligibles -- and with the writers (under present rules) limited to voting for ten names.

So who is going to Cooperstown this year? I see dead people -- three Pre-Integration Committee electees will be inducted – umpire Hank O’Day, New York Yankees owner Jacob Ruppert and 19th-century player Deacon White, and "the Hall of Fame will recognize 12 individuals previously counted among its roster of members who never had a formal induction due to wartime restrictions. They are BBWAA electees Lou Gehrig (1939) and Rogers Hornsby (1942), along with the entire class of 1945 selected by the Committee on Old Timers: Roger Bresnahan, Dan Brouthers, Fred Clarke, Jimmy Collins, Ed Delahanty, Hugh Duffy, Hughie Jennings, King Kelly, Jim O’Rourke and Wilbert Robinson."

I WANT TO GO TO THERE: Tina Fey is apparently in talks to make her next project after 30 Rock the female lead in the next Muppet movie.  I think Muppet Liz Lemon would definitely approve.

PROTECT THE THIMBLE:  In a vote being conducted on Facebook, Parker Brothers will be eliminating one of the original Monopoly tokens and replacing it with a robot, ring, cat, helicopter, or guitar.

CHRIST, YOU'D THINK I'M PUTTING RAY LEWIS OUT TO PASTURE:  "Son," said Proposition Joe Stewart to Marlo Stanfield, "you need to focus a bit more on what can be gained by working with people."

This week's episode of The Wire, "Transitions" (Sepinwall, AVClub), is one of those hours where everything's running in parallel -- Carcetti and Marlo planning their coups, lining up all the necessary players so that Burrell and Joe can be moved off stage with a minimum of disruption. For Carcetti, it's about buying support and assuaging Nerese Campbell; for Marlo, it's about using the connections Joe provided him in a father-son, mentor-mentee way to render Joe unnecessary, because Marlo wasn't made to play the son and there's no civilizing some people.

The McNulty stuff and the Sun stuff, meh.  But at least there was less of it.

Returning this week: Michael's mom, the Greek, Johnny 50, Marlo's taunting Herc about the surveillance camera, the funeral florist.

BECAUSE SETH MACFARLANE IS OCCASIONALLY CORRECT:  Family Guy, on Breaking Bad and The Wire.

(Episode 5.4, "Transitions," is our Wire Wednesday tomorrow, and we'll announce a schedule for the Breaking Bad catch-up after we figure one out.)