YOU HAVE DIED OF DYSENTERY:  As part of its inexplicable relaunch of Crystal Pepsi, you will soon be able to travel down the Crystal Pepsi Trail.

DISCUSS AMONGST YOURSELVES: For a movie that was so good about celebrating a character with a cognitive disability, Finding Dory really bungled the Gerald stuff, didn't it?

DISCUSS AMONGST YOURSELVES:  If Back to the Future were remade today (sacrilege, I know), what would be the equivalent of Marty McFly teaching Marvin Berry how to rock-and-roll for the mid/late 1980s?

(HT: Adam C.)

JONI MITCHELL WAITS PATIENTLY, PENSIVELY: Having recognized Carole King last year, the Kennedy Center Honors will stay in Laurel Canyon for one more year to hang a rainbow ribbon and medal on James Taylor this December, along with Al Pacino, Mavis Staples, pianist Martha Argerich, and The Eagles, whose intended 2015 award was delayed by Glenn Frey's illness, ultimately resulting in his death.

In 2008, Benner noted that Pacino was certainly on the "how has he not won yet?" list, along with Lou Reed, David Bowie, and Prince. (The latter two may have been invited.) Also on the never-awarded list: James L. Brooks (come on!), Jerry Lewis, Martin Scorsese, Neil Young, Norman Lear, Dick Van Dyke, Mary Tyler Moore, Glenn Close, and Gene Hackman.

GET READY TO MATCH THE STARS:  Your panel for the first episode of the new star-studded big-money Match Game?  In seat order: Tituss Burgess, Rosie O'Donnell, Michael Ian Black, Debra Messing, JB Smoove, and Sutton Foster. 

BUSTING ON THIS MAKES ME FEEL GOOD: Fall Out Boy and Missy Elliott have recorded the title song to an upcoming summer film for which some here have expressed interest.

IF SLUGWORTH WANTS A GOBSTOPPER, HE'LL GET ONE: Seriously, is Grandpa Joe (from Willy Wonka) fiction's most evil character until Ramsey Bolton>?