5. Your best option for an extended bathroom break will be (a) the awarding of an honorary Oscar to Blake Edwards, because, I mean, really, the guy who did the John Ritter glow-in-the-dark-condoms movie?; (b) any of the four Best Song performances not involving Eugene Levy and Catherine O'Hara; (c) the short film awards; (d) just go to bed after Best Actor is awarded, because you know exactly what's happening in the remaining categories.
Fill in the blank:
6. The clothing covering Billy Crystal's right breast will be yanked off to reveal ______________.
7. The biggest surprise of the night will be ________________________.
I'm going with (b), a tattoo of Harvey Weinstein's face and someone other than Peter Jackson winning Best Director.
A decent Oscar drinking game can be found here, featuring the following sage advice:
Take a sip any time the camera catches best-actor nominees Bill Murray, Sean Penn or Johnny Depp, who usually avoid these shows like the plague, looking uncomfortable at being talked into coming by their agents. If Murray wins, do a shot of Suntory whiskey. If Penn wins, chug a Sam Adams beer, which is brewed in Boston. (If you don't know why I chose those beverages, do two shots and go see their movies.) But if by some miracle Penn and Murray — widely considered the two most cantankerous bastards in L.A. — split the vote and Depp wins, down half a bottle of rum.
I'll only add one more rule: when an award recipient uses the adjective "beautiful" to describe his wife before using any other adjectives, that's a double.
bonus essay question, 25 words or less: The living person most deserving of an honorary Oscar in 2005 is . . . ?
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