Thursday, December 1, 2005

"LIKE A STACK OF VIEW-MASTER SLIDES, MUSICALLY SET TO SAD-SACK ORCHESTRAL WEEPING": Having trouble choosing which made-for-TV Pope John Paul II biopic to watch? The Chicago Sun-Times new TV critic Doug Elfman (who took over for the Tribunized Phil Rosenthal) has a simple answer: neither.

Some choice quotes from Elfman's acerbic review of the films:
"I'm giving both narcotically sleepy movies zero stars, although I'm granting ABC's "Have No Fear" a big hearty zero, a zero of absolute zero-ocity, a zero's zero. I think I could have written a better script during the two hours it took me to watch "Have No Fear." I think you could, too, and I don't even know you."
" "Fear" is called a "TV movie," but there's nothing "movie" about it, except the word "movie" came from "moving pictures," and "Fear" is a collection of moving pictures. So it's got me on a technicality."
"Both films deserve their zero ratings, but just to be clear, "Fear's" zero is bigger. It's like this analogy: If you tell two art students to draw a face, and one draws a butt and the other blows his nose on his canvas, each deserves an F. But one deserves it more than the other."

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