DON'T EVER DOUBT THE SYSTEM: By my count, Charlie Glassenberg's Mascot Matcher protocol went a ridiculous 28-4 in the first round, with a stellar record in predicting upsets including Northwestern State over Iowa, George Mason over Michigan State, Wisconsin-Milwaukee over Oklahoma, Texas A&M over Syracuse, NC State over Berkeley, Bucknell over Arkansas and Montana over Nevada. Two of the four wrong picks involved miscalculating the strength of persons indigenous to the Americas, overrating the Aztecs and underrating the Braves.
But still, 28-4? Wow. Here's his call on Saturday's octet:
Duke Blue Devils vs. George Washington Colonials: See you and your tricorn hats in hell! Duke
Florida Gators vs. Wisconsin-Milwaukee Panthers: Watch out for dinosaurs, because the age of the reptiles is returning. Florida
Tennessee Volunteers vs. Wichita State Shockers: These volunteers will be taking more voltage than Ethel Rosenberg, but with less treason. Wichita State
Illinois Fighting Illini vs. Washington Huskies: Sorry, puppies, this is no rolled up newspaper on your nose. It's a tomahawk. Illinois
LSU Tigers vs. Texas A&M Aggies: While they may be talented in the ways of animal husbandry, these grangers are not prepared for the law of the jungle. LSU
UCLA Bruins vs. Alabama Crimson Tide: So long as the bears stay away from the tainted shellfish and stick to eating rebels, they'll be fine. UCLA
BC Eagles vs. Montana Grizzlies: Two of America's most majestic wild animals meet, tear each other to pieces, and prove once again the supremacy of fur over feathers. Montana
Gonzaga Bulldogs vs. Indiana Hoosiers: Oh no, his muzzle came off. Whose yer plastic surgeon? Gonzaga
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