A List Of Things Thrown Five Minutes Ago

RULES FOR ASPIRING PORN WRITERS:

1. Show, don't tell.
2. Avoid starting a story with dialogue. Or finishing it with dialogue, or having dialogue in the middle.
3. Write what you know. Especially if you have experience as a plumber, pizza delivery boy, nurse, schoolgirl, MILF, or Japanese tentacle.
4. Never open a porn story with weather.
5. Become intimately acquainted with your characters. One good way to do this is by having sex with them.
6. Every character should want something, even if it is only a glass of water, or sex.
7. If you show a loaded gun in Act 1, someone must have sex by Act 3 early in Act 1.