A List Of Things Thrown Five Minutes Ago

INTONE A MELODY FOR THE ASSEMBLED, O HARPSICHORDIST: Honestly, I am having too much fun mocking Official ALOTT5MA Douchebag Gwyneth Paltrow to just let this thing die. So it's time for a weekend activity -- one which has already sort of been initiated in the GOOPy comment thread below. That's right, it's time to rewrite William Joel's lyrics.

• We vowed we would collectively succumb, yes we would collectively succumb
• 'Ere the clock strikes 12, I somnambulate
• Speak without forethought and one might discover that one's prior companions have vanished evermore
• Mon dieu! She is self-sufficient and might elect to be patient; she's quite avant garde
• One could opine that the cardiac muscle is largely fictitious
• Mais apres tout, je sais qu'il n'y a personne, personne qui puisse me sauver (oh wait, we didn't need Gwynnie to make that one pretentious)

(Name that tune, give the proper lyric, and offer your own selection from the collected works of Gwyneth's dear friend's husband, William.)