Friday, March 2, 2012

WORLD EXCLUSIVE -- MUST CREDIT ALOTT5MA: Based on recent trends, our next American Idol will be:

  • a white male.
  • who plays guitar.
  • who is not devastatingly handsome like The Outlaw Casey James, or "dangerous" in any real way.
  • who doesn't mind reinterpreting songs.
  • from the Heartland
On May 24, 2012, at approximately 10:01 pm, Phillip Phillips of Leesburg, Georgia, will be named the next American Idol. Go ahead and tell me I'm wrong.


  1. lisased9:32 AM

    <span>You are not wrong.

    Also, can we all agree that talented female signers should skip "Feelin' Good" from now on?</span>

  2. Fred App10:43 AM

    It's a sound prediction, to be sure. But I think you're wrong. I think he's still too quirky for the AI audience, which prefers a more mainstream non-dangerous guitar-playing white guy.

    I'm going wiith Schuyler Lane, because outside of guitar-playing white guys, Idol's most popular archtetype is the teenaged country-crooning girl. One of them would have won last year had it not been for Scotty McCreery, and I don't see any guy this year who will reach Scotty's popularity.

  3. Benner11:11 AM

    "sound prediction," heh.

    I fit all but the last criterion. And the being good at singing part Adam neglets to mention.

  4. Lee DeWyze won two years ago.

  5. I expect they're going to pimp a female very very hard.  The only two long-term success stories out of Idol have been Clarkson and Underwood, and they desperately want another one of those.  The recent winners have not been terribly big sellers.

  6. Won't the Dave Matthews impersonation get old after, oh, say, a month?

  7. Matt, they keep trying.  The streets of 19 Entertainment are littered with the corpses of the Lil Roundses, Alexis Graces, Pia Toscanos, and Carly Smithsons of the singing world.

  8. tortoiseshelly12:11 PM

    Yeah. I really have only seen two or three half-episodes, and one was Phillip Phillips audition - which I loved. But he is reminding me of DM. A lot.

    My preference would be for a girl to win this year, but I haven't watched enough to pick a favorite yet.

  9. tortoiseshelly12:15 PM

    I would love for a girl to win. I didn't care for any of the ones you've mentioned, while I did really like Kelly Clarkson and Carrie Underwood in their AI runs. I think a girl is going to have to check off the Heartland/reinterpret songs before she stands a chance, though. Are there any that fit that mold in the current crop?

  10. tortoiseshelly12:15 PM

    This was supposed to be in replay to Adam's comment above.

  11. Benner12:23 PM

    You can't say pimp a female. That is racist!

  12. Jenn.2:15 PM

    From the semis, my definite feeling is that the girls are substantially better than the guys.  Normally, I don't fret too much about the gender politics of Idol, but if there is another voting massacre of the girls, and they really are as much better than the guys as I think they are, I will be bitter.

  13. Overall I thought the boys were better Tuesday then the girls were Wednesday but that may just be because the worst of the girls were really, really bad.

    Guess what the girls have to sing next week?  I predict a bloobath.

  14. Jenn.6:05 PM

    [Checks the theme for next week.]  You've got to be kidding me.