WITH MALICE TOWARDS ALL; WITH CHARITY TO NONE: The question was posted on Reddit, and blogger Geoff Micks handicaps the entire field: In a mass knife fight to the death between every American President, who would win and why?
LBJ's chances, of course, depend on whether he was wearing his custom Haggar slacks.
The link to Geoff Micks piece is broken.
ReplyDeleteIntitial thought before reading it, I'm going with Andrew Jackson. How many assassins have you fought off, President Blaine? Second answer, Abraham Lincoln in a pit with a broadsword.
ReplyDeleteZachary Taylor. Long and successful military career. Probably saw more combat than any other president.
ReplyDeleteBlaine? What the hell? I meant Cleveland.
ReplyDeleteHistorians have been discussing this question here: http://www.lawyersgunsmoneyblog.com/2012/08/knife-fight-2
ReplyDeleteLots of Nixon and LBJ wagers there.
TR no question. He fought in a war just three years before becoming president, was only 42 when he assumed office and would be smart enough to stay alive until the end.
ReplyDeleteTR no question. He fought in a war just three years before becoming president, was only 42 when he assumed office and would be smart enough to stay alive until the end.
ReplyDeleteTR no question. He fought in a war just three years before becoming president, was only 42 when he assumed office and would be smart enough to stay alive until the end.
ReplyDeleteFixed.
ReplyDeleteTR no question. He fought in a war just three years before becoming president, was only 42 when he assumed office and would be smart enough to stay alive until the end.
ReplyDeleteTR no question. He fought in a war just three years before becoming president, was only 42 when he assumed office and would be smart enough to stay alive until the end.
ReplyDeleteRules for the hypo specify "<span>Each president has been given one standard-issue </span>Gerber LHR Combat Knife <span>, the knife </span>presented to each graduate of the United States Army Special Forces Qualification Course<span>. Assume the presidents have no training outside any combat experiences they may have had in their own lives," and FDR gets a motorized wheelchair.</span>
ReplyDeleteTR no question. He fought in a war just three years before becoming president, was only 42 when he assumed office and would be smart enough to stay alive until the end.
ReplyDeleteVery little actual experience and his exploits are mostly overblown
ReplyDeleteHe's the only option, right? I could recheck my Edmund Morris, but I don't see it coming out any other way. I mean look at the Rough Riders! My only worry would be that he'd call the other Presidents pussies for using knives and go at them barehanded.
ReplyDeleteI'm going with LBJ -- to quote Micks' handicapping: "a giant of a man, a Texan, and more than a bit of an asshole. He would be a force to be reckoned with, absolutely." He gets him to the top 10 but I say he would go all the way.<span><span> </span></span>
ReplyDeleteEven if he did, Jordan, he'd get over any wounds with the power of his bluster.
ReplyDeleteIt's a knife fight. Everyone is going to get cut and badly. The role to surviving is not dying of blood loss. And to that end, I'm going with sheer volume - Wm Howard Taft.
ReplyDeleteZachary Taylor. Old Rough & Ready. 40 years in the military. Saw plenty of battle (he had to get his hands bloody in there somewhere).
ReplyDeleteLincoln. Does he get credit for the vampire hunting?
ReplyDeleteI can't think of any other President who had a duel involving a sword.
ReplyDeleteWhat about Nine Roosevelts Against the Impossible? http://www.bullypulpitgames.com/fairplay/2010/04/01/nine-roosevelts-against-the-impossible/
ReplyDeleteStill, experience.
ReplyDeleteTR, LBJ and Zachary Taylor to medal.
ReplyDeleteBlatant size-ism re: Madison. Who's to say he wouldn't cut everybody's Achilles tendons and then go for the kill while they're all writhing on the ground?
ReplyDeleteNot that I'm speaking from personal experience or anything.
ReplyDeleteThough Blaine never rose to President, his house in DC is dear to my heart.
ReplyDeleteIt's probably what Booker T would do if he had opposable thumbs.
ReplyDeleteAt least for the more or less modern-era Presidents (because I think the Founding Father types dominate this tourney), give me LBJ, 43, and Ronald Reagan. Clinton seems soft. Obama seems majorly meek.
ReplyDelete