LIKE A MADCAP MANOS: HANDS OF FATE, PLUS SIXTY MILLION DOLLARS: I'm still enraged by the awful previews before Knocked Up, and I was wondering if I could realistically cast a big-budget comedy -- maybe $60-70MM -- that would be the worst movie ever made. Voila, Finding Fanning:
LA natives Dane Cook, an architect, and Drew Barrymore, an artist, had a baby six months ago, and they are going crazy because they haven't had a moment to themselves since. They plan a weekend getaway to Mexico, but their flaky babysitter, Lauren Collins (DeGrassi's Paige Michaelchuk) cancels at the last minute because she gets cast as the beautiful star of a teen musical about a rich girl who falls in love with the immigrant son of Mexican rebels (Wilmer Valderrama?). The couple instead leaves their daughter with Drew's hilariously mentally unstable mom, Sally Field. Field accidentally loses the daughter in Griffith Park, where she is found by Ben Stiller and Sarah Jessica Parker (who are on a marriage-bonding hike ordered by their unconventional therapist, Martin Short), two Hollywood execs who have been trying to have a baby for ages. At Short's urging, Stiller and Parker decide to keep the baby and raise her as their own, while Field and an incompetent gumshoe (Tim Allen) look for her. Meanwhile, Cook and Barrymore's Mexican trip goes awry as they stumble into the plot of Collins's musical, which they think is real, and which they royally screw up while trying to foil the rebels' planned attack. Matters come to a head as Stiller and Parker, with baby, therapist, Field, and Allen in tow, rush to Mexico to get the production back on track. All ends well as Cook and Barrymore realize how much they've missed their daughter; Short, Field, and Allen concoct a crazy story to hide the fact that she ever went missing and explain their appearance in Mexico; Allen turns out to be Collins's dad and they have a bonding moment; and Stiller and Parker find out that they're pregnant. Oh, yeah, the baby's name is Fanning.
Every character and actor in this movie makes me want pull out my own teeth and eat them. Ergo, it would probably make its money back.
What, you think you could do better?
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