A List Of Things Thrown Five Minutes Ago

TOP CHEF III - TOPPIER. CHEFFIER.: Last week, in an unblogged teaser episode for the new season, some may have seen Top Chef Season 1 alums face off against their oddly-coiffed Season 2 counterparts in a challenge to prepare meals for the incoming Season 3 cast. Season 1 was the clear winner, both on the food and because, when you put them right up next to each other, Stephen Le Sommelier is no where near as irritating as MC Teen Wolf. (I can't believe they let him "bust a freestyle", as the kids say... ugh.) Tonight, Season 3 kicked off with an episode that called to mind one of my favorite Weird Dining Experiences: Denver's Buckhorn Exchange.

This cast of characters seems to have a higher Skill-to-Issues ratio than the last bunch. Obviously that's just a first impression, and a moot issue as well since Tre is already this season's winner. Guest judge Anthony Bourdain has graced him with a set of his collected published works "all signed with obscene doodles" and vowed to take him out in NYC "to get late night Yakitori and obscene savage drunk." How sweet it is. Congratulations, Tre!

Here, based entirely on the impressions they made in the first episode, is a brief rundown of the other contestants still vying for the consolation prize of being designated "Top Chef":

Brian - My only lingering impressions of Brian are his remark about "different beef items", and his uniformly wriggly protein selection for this week's challenge. Would have scored if he'd offered to fry Padma's toe for her.

Joey - Manhattan Motherfucker. Curses constantly. Would give the money to his fucking Mom, okay? My nomination for Contestant Most Likely To Shank Somebody This Season.

Hung - Yet another Las Vegas attitude, but perhaps this time it's justified. Loved the "Yeah. My monkey could do that." remark in the teaser reel. (He has a monkey?!??)

Sara - Last seen gushing over the Versace Palace Hotel Ballroom where they had the meet-and-greet reception. Cab Collichio's quick-change from hors d'oeuvres to ingredients just in time for the big opening Quickfire number was cool.

Howie - Pimped Bourdain with a quote from his own book. Huge points. Yeah, Tony? I got your Ecuadoran Line Chef RIGHT HERE!

Dale - Chi-town. The mohawk says "trust your heart", but watch out for his herb utensil.

Micah - Caterer something art blah. Next. Won the Quickfire though. Low screentime sleeper?

Tre - Hardcore. No nonsense. No fear. Gave a rave to his top-two opponent at the judging table. A winner even before Bourdain offered to take him on a bender.

Lia - Brooklyn.

Sandee - Another mohawk. THERE CAN BE ONLY ONE.

Sarah - Fromagier, therefore inherently of interest. We do like us some cheese.

Clay - Promised to be a real downer, this guy. Now serving catfish gumbo to economy class passengers on Cambodia Air. Kind of looked like that dude from Pirates Of The Caribbean with the wooden eye, but not in a good way.

Casey - Executive Transvesti -- er, chef. Executive Chef. Life is too short to live in Dallas, even if you know what an amuse bouche is.

CJ - OC denizen. TC survivor. Seemingly willing to joke about it.

Camille - Brooklyn.

This season there may be a recipe attempt or two mixed in with the episodic snark, depending on how organized we can keep the kitchen here at the Throckmorton Manse. Meantime, any early favorites? Other observations? Scintillating details I overlooked about the introductions of Lia and Camille?

Place your bets, place your bets...