Thursday, January 3, 2008

AT LEAST SHE PROBABLY KNOWS A GOOD LAWYER: I was brainstorming the most ludicrous exploitation flick today. Let's start with a leggy blonde. Let's give her a ridiculous name, something that's a combination of wild-child and serious scholar. How about "Zephyr Cambridge." No, I've got it, "Kumari Fulbright." We'll make her a beauty queen, and then maybe a calendar girl. Wait, a calendar girl for Guns and Ammo, that's beautiful. But her day job is nuclear physicist. Oh, Christmas Jones is threatening to sue? Fine, law student. Let's set her up with a real respectable job, say an externship for a federal judge. Now, uh, let's have her use her feminine wiles to lure an ex-boyfriend -- make him a lecherous, dirtbaggy older man -- to her apartment. Cue disrobing, and then: kidnap and torture. There it is, perfectly fine gore-porn to fill the lull between Saw V: Carbide-Tipped and Hostel vs. Turistas. We'll make a mint, baby.

Oh, I forgot to mention: based on a true story.

By the way, that is an absolute hall-of-fame level mug shot. The camera loves Kumari.

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