Wednesday, December 15, 2010

SO GOOD YOU WON'T EVER KNOW, THEY NEVER EVEN PLAYED A SHOW, CAN'T HEAR THEM ON THE RADIO: Commentophile Heather K. proposed that Dr. Teeth be inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, and many of you volunteered to carry that standard. Dr. Teeth's merits aside, it does appear that the official, Wennerian RRHOF applies an unwritten rule of "existence" for inductees, and I ask, is that fair?

So let's right this wrong and break ground on the Fake Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. Eligibility is extended, and restricted, to anybody who (a) makes or has made music professionally; (b) is fictional; and (c) is worthy of induction in a Fake Hall of Fame. In other words, no Hannah Montana, but unlike the RRHOF, we'll accept country, rap, disco, whatever.

Before we can vote on inductions, though, we need a comprehensive list of nominees. I'll start with a few possibilities; you add others that you believe warrant consideration. Once we get a list going, we may ask people to state their cases. To start us off:
  • Dr. Teeth and the Electric Mayhem
  • Eddie and the Cruisers
  • The Late Greats
  • Stillwater
  • Emmett Otter's Jug Band
  • Don Music
  • Music Producer Bruce Dickinson

134 comments:

  1. sconstant3:09 PM

    The Monkees?  I kid!  I kid! 

    My nomination goes to Bob Roberts.

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  2. StvMg3:10 PM

    Big Fun (or were they too much of a one-hit wonder?)
    Wyld Stallyns (their ability to time travel could appeal to different voting blocs from across historical eras)
    Marty McFly (though the guy in the link below might argue with the notion that he invented rock 'n' roll)

    http://www.overthinkingit.com/2009/01/14/marty-mcfly-did-not-invent-rock-n-roll-bttf-week/

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  3. Dan Suitor3:12 PM

    <span><span>Nickelback is fictional, right? I can't image anyone could honestly make that hunger-dunger-dang scumbag rock and believe that it's good in earnest.</span></span>

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  4. Maggie3:12 PM

    The One-ders? 

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  5. Sex Bob-omb?  (Not commenting on quality here.)

    Drive Shaft?  (Ditto!)

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  6. randy3:14 PM

    How about some of the stars of "Nashville"?  Haven Hamilton (a legend in his own mind, at least) or Barbara Jean?  Of course, I'm a bit biased here, because I think Nashville is the greatest movie ever made.

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  7. randy3:15 PM

    "Drive Shaft?  More like Suck Shaft."

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  8. Benner3:16 PM

    Spinal Tap!!!!!

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  9. isaac_spaceman3:16 PM

    I kind of think the Monkees might count.  Hard call.

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  10. mhgatti3:16 PM

    4-evah! (no hits, but they were in the newspaper a lot)

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  11. Marsha3:18 PM

    You've already listed three I had in mind: Dr.Teeth/EM, Eddie and the Cruisers, and Stillwater.

    For the rock-and-roll history part, we must induct The Chesterfields and their songwriter Louise, and of course Denise Waverly. (When it comes to stating cases, I will happily be the person to passionately state Ms. Waverly's case.)

    On the producer side, I believe there's also a place for Mr. White, who discovered the Oneders and produced such seminal hits as "Mr. Downtown" and "That Thing You Do."

    If humanitarian works count like they do with the Academy, I'd suggest Dolores Van Cartier. Certainly not on her music, but what she did for her community and for law enforcement cannot be ignored.

    Sadly, the Be-Sharps, Crucifictorius, and California Dreams have neither the necessary longevity nor the professional status, and Hep Alien was narrow and derivative.

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  12. Benner3:18 PM

    Also, The Rutles.

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  13. StvMg3:19 PM

    Is Spinal Tap real or fictional for the purposes of this list?

    And after reading this list more closely, I guess Marty McFly and the Wyld Stallyns wouldn't be eligible since I don't think they ever made music professionally. But shouldn't McFly deserve a special dispensation for helping invent Chuck Berry's new sound?

    And I'll throw in a vote for Josie and the Pussycats (I guess the cartoon version would be the only ones that would merit consideration, though I always thought the movie was underrated and had an awesome power pop soundtrack).

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  14. Joseph J. Finn3:19 PM

    And if we induct them, does that mean Neil Diamond can be in both due to his connection to the Monkees?  ;)

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  15. Marsha3:22 PM

    Wyld Stallyns' music transformed an entire society, dude. If that's not professional, what is?

    The "is Spinal Tap fictional" is the same question as for the Monkees, and also goes to Mitch and Mickey (arguably the only people in A Mighty Wind that could be at all R&R).

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  16. mhgatti3:24 PM

    The Main Street Singers - original lineup only.

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  17. The B Sharps
    The Mosquitos -- Bingo, Bango, Bongo and Irving

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  18. Maggie3:27 PM

    If Josie's eligible, then so are Jem & the Holograms and the Misfits.

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  19. But not the Folksmen?

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  20. Neato Torpedo3:30 PM

    If we're going to include Marty, I think we have to loop in Marvin Berry.  He made the most important phone call in Rock and Roll history.

    Also:


    <p><span>Spinal Tap, </span><span><span>Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band, The Blues Brothers, Citizen Dick, Josie and the Pussycats, Jem and the Holograms, Conrad Birdie, The Weird Sisters</span></span>

    </p><p> 
    </p><p>Depending on how loose we are with nomination criteria, I'd also throw out: <span> Barry Jive and the Uptown Five (soon to be known as Kathleen Turner Overdrive), The Kinky Wizards, The Good Ole Boys, Ferris Bueller, Schroeder</span></p>

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  21. I'm still not sure of Gorillaz counts.  

    If not that, Scarecrow Boat / <span> </span>Mouse Rat / <span> </span>Malice in Chains / <span> </span>Punch Face Champion / <span> </span>Flames for Flames / <span> </span>The Andy Andy Andys / <span> </span>Andy and the D-Bags / <span> </span>Crackfinger / <span> </span>Department of Homeland Obscurity / <span> </span>Fourskin / <span> </span>Puppy Pendulum / <span> </span>Possum Pendulum / <span> </span>Penis Pendulum / <span> </span>Radwagon / <span> </span>Jet Black Pope / <span> </span>Muscle Confusion / <span> </span>Just the Tip / <span> </span>Fiveskin / <span> </span>Threeskin / <span> </span>Angel Snack / <span> </span>Nothing Rhymes With Orange / <span> </span>Everything Rhymes With Orange / <span> </span>Nothing Rhymes with Blorange / <span> </span>Ninja Dick

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  22. heathalouise3:37 PM

    If we want to include the "punk rockers that hardly ever get inducted, but are nominated" category:
    The Carrie Nations (Beyond the Valley of the Dolls)
    The Fabulous Stains.

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  23. GoldnI3:38 PM

    2gether.  Who could forget such hits as "U + Me = Us (Calculus)" and "The Hardest Part of Breaking Up (Is Getting Back Your Stuff)"?

    Also, The Archies.  Not the studio band that put out "Sugar Sugar," but the actual band from the comic books.

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  24. "<span>We're no longer called Sonic Death Monkey. We're on the verge of becoming Kathleen Turner Overdrive, but just for tonight, we are Barry Jive and his Uptown Five."</span>

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  25. Watts3:40 PM

    I just watched "The Commitments" for the first time this year, and while the movie didn't knock my socks off, the music was pretty darn good.

    I've not seen it, but "The Five Heartbeats" was a trending topic on Twitter yesterday.

    And I guess she's more folk than rock and kind of a one-hit wonder, but give it up for Phobe Buffay.

    Dingoes Ate My Baby

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  26. Watts3:41 PM

    Jem??!  Why, that's a truly outrageous suggestion!

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  27. JIM BELL3:42 PM

    I'm gonna second the nomination for Jake and Elwood, Matt Guitar Murphy, et al., but, only upon the condition that we get to preapprove who sings the Belushi part at the induction ceremony.

    I'm also nominating Meatloaf.  He must be fictional right.  All that wolf biting your throat stuff.

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  28. What's the name of the band in Yo Gabba Gabba which performed "We Love To Rock, Yeah"?

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  29. mhgatti3:43 PM

    The Spanic Boys???

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  30. mhgatti3:44 PM

    <span>Does Pete & Pete's Polaris count?</span>

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  31. We have gone this far without the Zack Attack being mentioned?  For shame!  For shame!

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  32. JIM BELL3:45 PM

    I think I meant to imply that it shouldn't be Goodman but I don't know if I really think that.

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  33. mhgatti3:47 PM

    Bleeding Gums Murphy (think of how many fictional rock bands stole their licks from this cat).

    Soggy Bottom Boys.

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  34. Johnny Fontaine
    Derek Stevens
    The Soggy Bottom Boys<span> </span>

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  35. I came in to recommend the Commitments, but want to second Dingos Ate My Baby and Pete & Pete's Polaris.

    What about The Wonders (or, the Oneders...the more classic spelling) from That Thing You Do?  Again, concerned about the one-hitted-ness.

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  36. sconstant3:50 PM

    Dammit, the nomination of these one hit wonders has to stop or else, I'm going to nominate Tony and the Togas or Juan Cougar.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6DzfPcSysAg
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aDqrW85RECE

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  37. isaac_spaceman3:51 PM

    Spinal Tap is an easier call than the Monkees.  In a sense, the Monkees were a real band that starred in a fictionalized account of their life, but they didn't (as far as I recall) use a fictionalized backstory and they made real music that was as serious as the members of the band.  Spinal Tap was a fake band populated by actors known principally for other things; to the extent they made actual music, it was part of the ruse and parodic. 

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  38. isaac_spaceman3:52 PM

    How many times can I like this?  So looking forward to next month.

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  39. Joseph J. Finn3:53 PM

    Damn, Dingos is a good call.

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  40. Devin McCullen3:54 PM

    Can't believe you left out I Can't Go On (I'll Go On).

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  41. Joseph J. Finn3:54 PM

    Johnny Fontaine?  If he was the hologram from DS9, then I'm in total agreement.  Was in a lot more episodes than the one-hit wonders we've been talking of above.

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  42. Watts3:57 PM

    Wait, Polaris wasn't real?  I loved the Pete & Pete music and one of the first things I did when I discovered teh internets {sic} was to hunt up some sort of soundtrack album or a CD from Polaris.

    Since we were talking about RomComs in the other thread, I'll say that if my life were a RomCom, hunting down and giving me this soundtrack would be The Moment When We Realize He Is the Right Guy for Our Heroine.

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  43. Eric J.4:00 PM

    And The Bugaloos.

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  44. Watts4:01 PM

    I can't either! Because I'm an effin' evangelical when it comes to that movie.   I HEART BANDSLAM 4EVA.

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  45. Marsha4:03 PM

    After "Smelly Cat" got used in a cat litter commercial, she'll never get inducted. Total sell-out, man.

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  46. Devin McCullen4:03 PM

    OK, I admit I had to go to Wikipedia to actually find the band name, but I'll throw out Paran Maum, from the Japanese movie Linda Linda Linda.  Mainly because I finally have an excuse to link to this (major earworm warning, IMO): http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CQQUEicr6d8  (It takes about a minute or so before the song actually starts.)

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  47. lisased4:04 PM

    That was me.

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  48. Eric J.4:04 PM

    Love Handel
    Johnny Bravo
    And the Canadian wing will never be complete without Robin Sparkles.

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  49. Anonymous4:04 PM

    Yesyesyes

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  50. Watts4:07 PM

    So, I'm guessing the Electrocutes don't count because they were really just The Donnas?

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  51. Heather K4:08 PM

    I was so going to list California Dreams!!

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  52. Marsha4:08 PM

    Seriously, people, we're getting pretty far afield from the "Professional" part of the requirements.

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  53. I believe they were real.<span> </span>

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  54. Heather K4:10 PM

    CONRAD BIRDIE!!  *Shrieks* *Faints*

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  55. Anonymous4:14 PM

    Are we limited to Earth? No? Okay then.

    Disaster Area.

    --bd

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  56. The MAx Rebo Band (original release version only, not the special edition)

    Figrin D'An and the Modal Nodes (that name is evidence of the essential flaws in the Star Wars Expanded Universe concept).

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  57. Scott4:17 PM

    Creation, of course.  Or was it Mission Control?  "This is Mission Control, requesting permission to rock out!"

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  58. Same ruling on The Heights?

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  59. No, the one with the olive oil voice and guinea charm who wanted in on Jack Woltz's movie.

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  60. christy in nyc5:03 PM

    SCHOOL OF ROCK! SCHOOL OF ROCK! SCHOOL OF ROCK!

    Also--Deloris van Cartier, along with the St. Catherine's choir, the St. Francis Academy choir, and The Ronelles.

    I declare this the definitive comment of the thread.

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  61. christy in nyc5:07 PM

    Also in the "Muppet" category, there is Placido Flamingo, if opera can be included.

    And if cover bands can be included (which I assume they're not, but hey), Scrantonicity 2, NOT SCRANTONICITY.

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  62. bill.5:07 PM

    Concerning the Monkees, I'll recommend the following Dr. Frank (from the Mr T Experience and author of King Dork) post on Monkees derangement syndrome. quick cut:

    They may not have been Dylan or the Beatles, but their records hold up quite well compared to those of everyone else who wasn't Dylan or the Beatles, and even compared to some of the ones recorded by people who actually were Dylan and the Beatles. Everyone can't be D. and the Bs. Not being Dylan or the Beatles is a category that encompasses the entire population of the world, other than five people. If you're going to judge pop music that way, you're going to have to rule out a lot of great stuff. I mean, do it if you want, but it's your loss.

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  63. patricia5:19 PM

    Also, Duke Silver.

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  64. Jenn.5:27 PM

    I shudder to think of how many real artists' albums were outsold by the Squeakquel soundtrack.

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  65. Leslie5:35 PM

    CHEAP GIRLS, the band in The Money Pit who wanted to be called Meryl Streep.
    SCHOOL OF ROCK

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  66. Joseph J. Finn5:39 PM

    Ohhhhhh, right.  Well then, I'm nominating Vic Fontaine.

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  67. isaac_spaceman5:45 PM

    I may open up an amateur wing.  My fear was that we get nominations like Lili Taylor's character from Say Anything, but the thought of leaving Mouse Rat out is kind of killing me. 

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  68. isaac_spaceman5:47 PM

    Why not?  Eddie and the Cruisers was just John Cafferty and the Beaver Brown Band, except with a fake backstory.

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  69. isaac_spaceman5:48 PM

    Wikipedia is cheating.

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  70. isaac_spaceman5:49 PM

    I can't believe nobody has mentioned the Star Wars Cantina Band.  My guess is that more people can sing their top hit than any song by any legitimately fictional band here. 

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  71. I did--they are apparently properly known as "<span>Figrin D'An and the Modal Nodes</span>."  (I wanted to make sure that I had the correct info, so punched Mos Eisley Cantina Band into Wiki to make sure.)

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  72. randy5:58 PM

    "Walk Hard: The Dewey Cox Story" should have been a MUCH bigger hit than it was.

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  73. isaac_spaceman6:14 PM

    Who calls them "Figrin D'An and the Modal Nodes"?  That's like referring to the White Album as "The Beatles." 

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  74. Travis6:25 PM

    There is a hockey team in my league called Billy and the Boingers, so thank you for letting me know what the reference is.

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  75. mhgatti7:03 PM

    The Sultans of Swing? Sorry, but it ain't what they call rock and roll.

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  76. Eric J.7:06 PM

    I'm with you on Denise Waverly.

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  77. Joseph Finn7:12 PM

    The Brady Kids?

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  78. Katie7:14 PM

    i have a soft spot in my heart for 2gether.  jerry o'keefe went to my high school and was our theater star.  all us backstage girls had super crushes on him.  

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  79. sconstant7:25 PM

    Sorry if it was unclear - but when I said I was kidding, I meant it.  They may have been a manufactured image with no philosophies when they started out, but at some point they became a band.  I think it's clear that they fail (b) - if you're fictional because you have a freakishly fake media image, a lot of bands are fake.  If you're fictional because you didn't organically become a band but were packaged for money then you should be deemed fictional because you didn't organically split up but continued touring packaged for money, and I'm looking at you, fictional Rolling Stones.

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  80. Lou w7:31 PM

    Dude!  Love Handel and Robin Sparkles both have proud places on my iPod.  Excellent suggestions.

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  81. J. Bowman7:39 PM

    Would we induct just McFly, or the Pinheads? For all we know, they became big stars. Marty's future hasn't been written yet.

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  82. J. Bowman7:43 PM

    So not rock and roll. But "Memories of Now" is still the only jazz album the w likes.

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  83. I cannot be the only one here that purchased the Bloom County compilation which contained a BatB single.

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  84. looking italian8:41 PM

    The Happy Wanderers

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  85. Meghan8:44 PM

    Big Fun was my first thought too, but yeah, one-hit wonder.  It didn't stop the Starland Vocal Band from getting the Best New Artist Grammy--hell, think of Milli Vanilli--but RRHOF?  Probably not.

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  86. mhgatti8:49 PM

    Johnny Bravo?

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  87. The Silver Platters

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  88. Leslie9:11 PM

    Dirk "Feel, Feel, Feel, Feel My Heat" Diggler

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  89. Leslie9:14 PM

    Samberg/Timberlake Boy Band "Dick in a Box" and "Motherlover"  
    Not sure if their "band" had a name.

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  90. Leslie9:15 PM

    http://www.nbc.com/saturday-night-live/digital-shorts/videos/51523.shtml

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  91. Leslie9:41 PM

    The Glorious Steinems on 90210.2 featuring "Adrianna Tate-Duncan" who broke out as a solo artist. But stole "Javier's" song book after he was killed in a car accident.  Oy!  
    Oh, and David Silver from the original 90210. 

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  92. Heather K9:47 PM

    The California Raisins (thanks to Mindy Kalings twitter feed)

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  93. calliekl9:47 PM

    Man I love this blog.

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  94. Anonymous10:04 PM

    Guys, it's 2ge+her.

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  95. Marsha10:44 PM

    I think that's fair for an imaginary Fictional Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. I am amused that in this instance - and only this instance - you're a big-hall guy.

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  96. Marsha10:46 PM

    Adam, you're not the only one. Billy and the Boingers is one I should have thought of, and I think they need to be inaugural inductees.

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  97. Marsha10:48 PM

    You gotta keepon, keepon, keepon, keepon, keepon, keepon, keepon, keepon, keepon, keepon, kee-

    Sorry, I just never know when to take the needle off the stuck record.

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  98. thanks for that

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  99. Hong Kong Cavaliers for sure

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  100. The Other Kate10:55 PM

    I'm for Denise too. And Jay Phillips.

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  101. A few that we may have missed:

    Shorty Black, from Hustle & Flow

    CB4, from CB4

    Olaf Metalface (from "Fuck You Yankee Blue Jeans, or something", in Clerks)

    The Diva, from 5th Element

    The mult-mouthed vocal duo (trio?) from the insect casino in the second episode of the original Battlestar

    Galactica.  Am I the only one who remembers that?  Did I imagine it?  Because if I did I imagined I had trading cards and everything!

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  102. The Other Kate11:10 PM

    Tucker Crowe! Although I preferred his work before he found inner peace. 

    Jack Rollins. Jude Quinn.

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  103. The Other Kate11:16 PM

    And then there's Brian Slade and Kurt Wilde.

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  104. isaac_spaceman11:18 PM

    I was going to say Tucker Crowe, then I wanted someone else to say it.  So thanks, Other Kate. 

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  105. Casey: Can I just say one more thing about the Starland Vocal Band?
    Dan: Sure.
    Casey: 1978, they win the Grammy for Best New Artist. You know who they beat? Elvis Costello. Now is it your belief that Elvis Costello isn't cool?
    Dan: No, it's my belief that the Grammy voters aren't cool.

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  106. Ooh!  I see your CB4 and raise it to Niggaz With Hats.

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  107. Another Canadian must-have - Hard Core Logo: 
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zUCTmHuDer4

    And let me add another 70s era Brit band, the Bang Bang:
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QQqnHKdeBCs

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  108. lisased12:51 AM

    Larry Underwood -- "Baby Can You Dig Your Man?" 

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  109. Devin McCullen1:24 AM

    I assume "Ted Striker's Polka Hits" is not making the cut.

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  110. Charles Carmicheal2:35 AM

    Ziggy Stardust and The Spiders From Mars

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  111. Charles Carmicheal2:38 AM

    Bennie and The Jets

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  112. bill.7:18 AM

    Partridge Family

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  113. Man, nobody could croon while salving the souls of  war-torn and love-struck Starfleet officers like that guy.  

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  114. No, you cannot and are not.

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  115. I'd say no to the Monkees. Pinpointing the moment they became real is the work of a late night stoner session, but definitely by the time they did Head.

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  116. I see your Spinal Tap and raise you The Thamesmen.

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  117. Thirding you on Denise Waverly. God, I loved that movie. I keep looking for Ileana Douglas every time I walk past the Brill Building.

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  118. I see your NWH and raise you Three Times One Minus One.

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  119. christy in nyc10:08 AM

    YES to the Diva! I looooove that scene

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  120. The Other Kate10:29 AM

    Hedwig and the Angry Inch, but they're likely to be overlooked for that poseur, Tommy Gnossis.

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  121. Paul Tabachneck11:33 AM

    If not Sex Bob-Omb, then DEFINITELY The Clash at Demonhead.  I used that song for my wake-up alarm for months.

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  122. Paul Tabachneck11:37 AM

    Really?  122 posts in, and no one has mentioned the Heights.  Really?  The Heights!  Remember those guys?  "We've got to find some common ground!  Our love's become a battle ground!"

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  123. Marsha11:45 AM

    Is this the fastest we've ever hit 100 comments?

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  124. Heather K12:15 PM

    I think Adam referenced them in a comment on an earlier comment.

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  125. What was that fake Late Show boy band? Fresh Step?

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  126. I thought the Monkees were two musicians and two actors cast for the parts (this is from fuzzy memory, not google, so correct me if I'm wrong).  To my mind, that does not make a "real band" and I'm pretty sure there was fictionalized back story in there too.

    It seems to me that they operated on two tracks that ended up fusing: fake band on show and real band on albums ended up becoming real band that -- cute backstory! -- was created on fake show.

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  127. Heather K1:00 PM

    The Glee Club of 6-Bee

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  128. pfrduke6:19 PM

    No love for Randy Watson and Sexual Chocolate???  They play so fine, don't you agree?*

    *and yes, I realize that a wedding reception/black awareness rally band probably only barely meets the requirement of (a) playing professionally.

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  129. kd bart8:30 PM

    Johnny Bravo

    Sexual Chocolate

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  130. kevbo nobo8:44 PM

    The band that sang "Suicide-dont do it"?
    Bees Attack Victor MAture
    Leather and the Suedes

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  131. kevbo nobo8:48 PM

    The Groovie Ghoulies

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  132. The first one would be Big Fun, previously mentioned.  And, hey, they had a real-world cover by Unrest.

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  133. Nancy9:00 PM

    Ellen Aim and the Attackers

    (anyone feel me on that? Or am I the only one with that particular guilty pleasure?)

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