Friday, January 14, 2011
THINGS THAT KEEP US AWAKE AT NIGHT: When Adam visited Disney World's American Idol experience a couple of years ago, he praised the versimilitude, noting that the judging panel featured "Amiable Hefty Black Man Who Wears A Large Watch, Daffy Woman Who Praises Every Performer For Being Beautiful Before Evaluating The Singing, and Crabby Australian." Anyone know if we have adjusted to remove DWWPEVPFBBBETS and CA and replace them with Over-Enthusiastic Borderline-Incoherent Latina and Utterly Incoherent Man Whose Face Vaguely Appears To Be Melting?
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This may be the greatest question ever asked in the history of the blog. Wow.
ReplyDeleteOr did they adjust last year, removing DWWPEVPFBBBETS, and replacing them with Safe Happy Woman Who Knows Nothing About Singing and Woman Who Adds No Perceptable Value To The Judging?
ReplyDeleteI hope Steven Tyler's whole commentary is catch-phrases from his oevre. Good song: "I'm glad I didn't miss you, baby, 'cause I didn't want to miss a thing." Bad song: "I think I'll be living it up when you're going down." Terrible song: "You can't catch meat 'cause the rabbit done died." Attractive male contestant who sings a blues song: "I just love your big 10-inch ... record of your favorite blues. See what I did there?"
ReplyDeleteWhy replace anyone? It should be like the Hall of Presidents, with all of the past judges represented, good and bad alike.
ReplyDeleteI've given thought to an entire dialogue made up of (on one side) solely television catchphrases. You can go a long with "That's what she said," "I'm Chuck Bass," and "THAT'S WHAT THE MONEY IS FOR!"
ReplyDeleteOr it should actually be in the Hall of Presidents. Instead of Ryan Seacrest, Creepy Animatronic Abe steps up in front of that ratty burgundy curtain. "Fourscore and seven auditions ago, our fathers brought forth on this continent a new season, conceived in venality, and dedicated to the proposition that not all singers are created equal. This ... is truly American Idol." What would we be losing, rewiring Randy's random-line-generator to Animatronic Rutherford B. Hayes's mouth? "Salad!" shouted Animatronic Millard Fillmore, robotically pounding his fist on the table. "I declare butterflies!"
ReplyDeleteWouldn't it be William Howard Taft voicing Randy's lines? (Too easy?)
ReplyDelete