A List Of Things Thrown Five Minutes Ago

PROPS. ALL PROPS MUST CONTINUE TO BE MAD PROPS:  If it's Mother's Day weekend, that means that hundreds of University of Chicago students are now somewhere between the Windy City and (for this year) Iowa, working on such Scavenger Hunt tasks as:

• This is my stapler. There are many like it, but this one is mine. My stapler is my best friend. It is my life. I must master it as I must master my life. My stapler, without me, is useless. Without my stapler, I am useless. I must bind my documents true. Bring your Swingline 747 Classic and one cleaning tool of your choice to Judgment, dismantle the stapler into eight pieces, present for inspection, reassemble, load a fresh clip, and put the finishing touch on [the ScavHunt list]. [7.47 points, plus 1 point for every minute under 5]
• Render a group portrait of the current Supreme Court, one justice represented in each of the following styles: manga, Mii, Ralph Steadman, H.R. Giger, Jules Feiffer, Raymond Briggs, Matt Groening, Jack Kirby, Al Hirschfeld. [9 points]
• Using no kits, no electronics, no parts from other timepieces, and no more than $75 worth of purchased supplies (please provide receipts), construct a clock and deliver it between 7 a.m. and 8 a.m. Sunday to the Ida Noyes library. There, you may make one calibration, but no one may touch your clock after 8 a.m. Clocks will be judged at noon. [60 points for accuracy to within 5 minutes at noon, 30 more points for accuracy to within one minute, and 10 more points if the clock could plausibly function accurately for more than three days]
• A Jacob’s Ladder that, when flipped, tells the story of your team’s descent into hell. [9 circles of points]
• La Cucaracha, la cucaracha, ya no puede caminar! At the Captain's Operatory, each team will be given one (1) cockroach. If you wish, you can be its friend, a lifelong bond. However, you may also opt for bonds of a different sort: metallic. Make your choice, and at Judgment present your cockroach either alive, with a bowtie and top hat, or dead, and electroplated. [10 points for mercy, 25 points for murder]
• History is written by the victors, but fuck that shit. Where would Europe be if not for the Polish-Lithuanian Commonwealth? Bring an authentic map from its era that displays the greatest nation ever to be shafted by the history books. [28 points]
• The gory opening of Foucault’s Discipline and Punish rubs some people the wrong way. Create an adorable substitute for those of us offended by such things: hang, draw, and quarter a teddy bear. [4 points]
• A card-carrying Republican faculty member of the Humanities Division. [5 points]
• Hey nerds, we know you’ve been to the National Spelling Bee and the National Geography Bee, but
• now it’s time for a real rümbøl. This time, instead of your atlas or dictionary, ready your 2012 Ikea’alog for the National Ikea®Bii. Send your regional champion to the Harper 135 at 2:00 p.m. on Saturday for a püblic tëst. Yöu will provide the correct “Swedish” name for photos of given pieces of Ikea® furniture. [15 points for first place, 10 points for second place, 5 points for third place, 2 points for participation]
• So you’re going to be Vincent Cassel, and we’re going to be doing that scene in Ocean’s 12, only instead of getting through a laser field, you’re going to need to get through a maze of string. At 2:00 p.m. on Saturday in the McCormick Tribune Lounge, show us what you’ve got. [12 points, plus up to 3 extra points for style]
• Zoinks! Assemble the largest multi-tiered sandwich you can muster(d) in the style of Scooby Doo. True to form, your sandwich should be assembled by shuffling the ingredients (rifle method, please) into a single gargantuan deck of meat, cheese, and bread. [8 points]