A MESSAGE FROM DAVID STERN: Hey, Seattle, eff you! Hahahahahahaha. Keep trying, though. Oracle is looking awfully old.

NOT ON YOUR LIFE, MY HINDU FRIEND:  Splitsider's Best Sitcom Episode Ever Tournament brackets have been winnowed down via reader voting from their original 32, as beloved favorites involving an impostor marine biologist, a Gordon Gartrell shirt, a Judy Doll, Harry the Hat's greatest con, and Eric Cartman's favorite chili have fallen by the wayside to leave this final four:

Community, "Remedial Chaos Theory" vs. Fawlty Towers, "The Germans" (vote now!)
The Simpsons, "Marge vs. the Monorail" vs. Arrested Development, "Pier Pressure"

SEVENTEENTH ON THE PERIODIC TABLE, BUT FIRST IN OUR HEARTS?  The Hairpin inteviews the element Chlorine. "Sodium completes me in a way that no other element does. Lately our reviews have not been great, but we are ready for a comeback."

GO GET SOME HONEY. GO GET SOME MORE. GO GET SOME HONEY FROM THE HONEY STORE: Writer/illustrator Jan Berenstain, who met her late husband Stan at their first day of class in 1941 at what's now Philadelphia's University of the Arts, is now permanently hibernating with their Bears as well. She was 88.

Charles Krauthammer did not much care for their books, some 260 million of which have been sold, writing in 1989: "It is not just the smugness and complacency of the stories that is so irritating. That is a common affliction of children's literature. The raging offense of the Berenstains is the post-feminist Papa Bear, the Alan Alda of grizzlies, a wimp so passive and fumbling he makes Dagwood Bumstead look like Batman."

THIS IS FANCY, MAN. THEY COOK THE FOOD RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOU. THEY MIGHT GO TO PATHMARK AND BUY IT, BUT THEY'RE GONNA COOK IT. FANCY:  NYMag goes to Benihana with Tracy Morgan.

P.S. re last week's 30 Rock: Are you wearing yellow and blue on Wednesday?

DO YOU THINK YOU'RE WHAT THEY SAY YOU ARE?  Not satisfied with having solved a problem like Maria, found a young Oliver who'd do anything, and rescued their Joseph from a cistern of West End hopefuls, Lord Andrew Lloyd Webber is casting the lead for an arena tour production of Jesus Christ Superstar via a BBC reality competition.  Sir Tim Rice is not pleased:

Sir Tim said that the musical's religious and political themes could become a source of ridicule in a television talent show, with the judges telling hopeful contestants: "You could be Jesus."

He said: "It opens up a lot of opportunities for spoofs and I think it would be ill-advised to have people voting for who should be Jesus.

"It's just possible that it might be the most sophisticated, tasteful show hosted by the Archbishop of Canterbury, but I doubt it. It sounds tacky and I really don't think Andrew should do it."

THE PURSUIT OF THE NAKED GOLD MAN: An open thread for your discussion of the Academy Awards, the sartorial choices associated therewith, and the lameness of Billy Crystal.