A List Of Things Thrown Five Minutes Ago

ALOTT5MA FOLLOWS THE WAMPUM TO BREAKING SUMMER CAMP NEWS: As I mentioned below, eight years ago Carl Bernstein's son Jacob tried to climb the summer-camp social ladder by telling the much, much cooler Chase Culeman-Beckman who "Deep Throat" was. Salon's Amy Reiter has the whole story. Basically, as everybody knows, there's no better way for a maladjusted son of a career journalist forever known as "not the cute one" to rocket to summer-camp superstardom than, say, dishing the Pentagon Papers or revealing Bob Novak's secret source. So I dug a bit deeper, and with my own confidential informant -- we'll call him "The Hedgehog," to borrow a theme -- I unearthed a tape of the fateful reveal, transcribed below:

JB: Hey, can I hang out with you guys?
CC-B: No.
JB: Please?
CC-B: Get lost, I'm trying to get to second base with [redacted].
JB: I'll tell you a big secret.
CC-B: Pipsqueak, I'm working here. Besides, what secret could you possibly have?
JB: My father is a Pulitzer-Prize-winning investigative journalist.
CC-B: Oh, all right. Spill it and we'll see if it's worth it.
JB: I know who Deep Throat is.
CC-B: Who?
JB: W. Mark Felt.
CC-B: No, I mean who's Deep Throat?
JB: You know, the guy who told my dad to follow the money?
CC-B: Follow who?
JB: The money. Because it led to CREEP.
CC-B: To what?
JB: That's how they got to Stans.
CC-B: You know, I have boobs to fondle, and I don't even know what you're talking about.
JB: About Watergate. You know, bringing down Nixon.
CC-B: Oh, you mean those guys from the Lynyrd Skynyrd and Neil Young songs.
JB: Leonard who?
CC-B: Don't you know anything? Ignorant.
JB: Uh, so anyway, I know who Deep Throat is.
CC-B: And?
JB: It's W. Mark Felt.
CC-B: Who's he?
JB: A former high-ranking FBI official.
CC-B: Is he in any songs?
JB: I never heard of him before my mother, Nora Ephron, who is thinking about doing a movie with Meg Ryan, told me he was Deep Throat.
CC-B: Your mom knows Meg Ryan?
[extended silence, possibly erasure]