A List Of Things Thrown Five Minutes Ago

IT'S LIKE A THOUSAND TINY FINGERS MASSAGING YOUR GUMS, ASSUMING THAT WERE SOMETHING YOU THINK WOULD BE APPEALING: In this month's Fametracker Celebrity vs. Thing (spoiler alert!) not-socks defeats Chris Rock. This reminds me of something that Spacewoman wishes I would quit saying: my Gap athletic not-socks (no link because you can't buy them online; make sure you get the ones with the grey heel patch) are the greatest things I've ever put on my feet. The first time I put them on, I literally exclaimed, "oh, my God." I then spoke for about ten minutes about how much sock technology has improved in the last few years. These things are warm, snug, efficiently wicking, and damned plush. It's like wrapping your feet in labrador puppies. I don't care if Spacewoman says that they should have little pom-poms on them. If, when tooling around in shorts, you wear Pumas (parental advisory for this fake ad, by the way), Adidas Rod Lavers, turf shoes, or anything else that hits below your ankle and is supposed to look like you're not wearing socks, you can do no better than these.