Sunday, April 23, 2006

INSTEAD OF 'I DO,' THE GROOM WILL SAY 'GAME ON' AND THE BRIDE WILL RESPOND 'YAHTZEE': Sadly, a Turkish hacker has destroyed Dave Karpen's web site. I will one day forgive you for forgetting that Dave Karpen was a participant on the greatest reality television program of all time, Paradise Hotel. If you, like me, fondly recall Paradise Hotel as a lovingly-staged allegory of American history, complete with modules on territorial expansion and manifest destiny, the Civil War (or, if you were a supporter of the original cast, the War of Northern Aggression), postwar consumerism, and McCarthyism, then you already know that Karpen represented The Ethnic Immigrant Experience. Karpen and a few others joined the show after its founding ethos had been established, were originally marginalized, but ultimately became, collectively, the dominant political group. Karpen, however, had more trouble than others -- his doughy and perspiring schlumpiness represented insularity and orthodoxy amid the sultry, chiseled assimilationism of his castmates. Thus, although he was an important part of the rise of Modernity -- and by that I mean Charla, Keith, and Tara -- his otherness prevented him from reaping its rewards.*

Anyway, Karpen is still gamely pursuing the American Dream, even if his rightful share of the prize money still resides in suburban Illinois. According to an email I received from his listserv:
Tickets for the July 8th Cyclones game and post-game wedding go on sale this Sunday, April 23rd, and are available online at www.brooklyncyclones.com. The first 2,500 adults present that day will get free bride/groom collectible bobblehead dolls.
Shrewd, very shrewd, Dave Karpen. You may be opposed, in principle, to the predictability of a reality-TV has-been shilling tickets for his own wedding, but who doesn't need a Dave Karpen bobblehead doll and a, um, Mrs. Dave Karpen bobblehead doll?

By the way, if you're wondering if Dave's bitterness has subsided, he also has this to say: "you can still catch reruns on air on the Fox Reality Channel in the US, and reruns continue to air in 16 countries worldwide. And every time, I make it to the end and Charla doesn't share."

*Caution: Joke appropriate only for historians who watched Paradise Hotel.

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