A List Of Things Thrown Five Minutes Ago

HEY, YOUR CAREER IS OVER -- IS THAT THE TWIST? In its beloved annual feature (here's our 2002 and 2005 posts), Film Threat lists the fifty people with the coldest careers in Hollywood, and suggests how to un-freeze their careers. Here's a few:

2. Jennifer Aniston
We’ll be there for you, as the films start to bomb. Chin up, 2006 was a horrible year for you at the box office and the tabloids, but “The Break-Up” did own the top spot for a week during the summer. That’s something, right?
Anti-Freeze: Get a new haircut. It’s always worked for you in the past

16. Haley Joel Osment
I see DUI arrest. At least no one was hurt, but Haley, buddy, Brad Renfro’s life, as exciting as it may seem, is not the one to emulate.
Anti-Freeze: Find that Lipnicki kid and join forces to oust Owen Wilson and Ben Stiller from the buddy comedy upper-echelon.

32. Steve Martin/Robin Williams/Adam Sandler
Martin went from genius to remake-aholic; Williams manages to bring the same performance despite portraying every type of character ever conceived in any genre, live-action or animation; and Sandler is two-note – either the quiet, lovable schlub or the loud-mouthed lovable schlub. Why does this bother us? Because you were all funny until you got so comfortable with life, and we miss your greatness.
Anti-Freeze: A celebrity sex tape entitled “Hairy, Screamy and Frosty.”