A List Of Things Thrown Five Minutes Ago

FIVE THINGS RUSS FEARED MIGHT HAPPEN IN A PIXAR MOVIE:

Toy Story: Everybody realizes that Woody is kind of an asshole, and the gang drifts apart. Years later, after Woody commits suicide, the toys reunite at Woody's funeral. There's a lot of talking and I forget what happens, except that Sergeant hooks up with the much younger Bratz doll that Woody was dating when he killed himself.

Monsters, Inc.: Sully is touched by Mike's gift -- Mike has collected all of the fragments of Boo's door and glued them back together. Mike hits the button, and the door opens. Sully and Mike walk to the door together, but Mike tells Sully he'll get to Boo's room through a different door. Sully looks over his shoulder at Mike, closing the door quietly, and then at Boo, her face grim but alert. His shoulders slump, and he lets out a sigh. "Tell Mike it was just business," he says to Boo. "I always liked him." "Ee no da," Boo giggles. Sully looks up. "Can you get me off? For old time's sake?" "Ka do doo, Kitty," says Boo.

The Incredibles: Mr. Incredible and Frozone, embittered by the breakup of their marriages, decide to woo and jilt Miss Def, a low-level deaf superhero. They successfully carry out their plan, but Frozone is overcome by guilt. He goes to Mr. Incredible's house to admit that he fell in love with Miss Def. As he makes this confession, Elastigirl comes to the door to say hello. Frozone realizes, and suffers, the depth of Mr. Incredible's cruelty.

Cars 2: Lightning and Sally McQueen are raising a young Shelby Cobra in bucolic Radiator Springs and decide to adopt a Yugo from Montenegro. Yugo engages in increasingly sinister behavior, eventually totalling Lightning when he realizes that she is a modified 40-year old Lada that served as an unlicensed taxicab in Brezhnev-era Russia.

Toy Story 2: Jessie tells Woody that Andy has a mission for them. They take Barbie's Corvette into Andy's closet. Jessie drives. When they are deep in the recesses of the closet, Woody pulls out his six-shooter. "How you know?" Jessie asks. "You taught me," Woody answers. Jessie straightens up, leans her head against the window. "How my hair look, Wood?" "You look good, girl." The camera cuts to the floor outside the closet. There is a quick muzzle flash under the door, then the closet is dark.