FOLLOWED BY OUR DISCUSSION OF THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN "LIKE ME" AND "LIKE ME LIKE ME": One of our female readers has a question that's half-language, half-another-word-starting-with-l-that-I-know-she's-not-up-to-yet:
Boy meets girl. Boy asks girl out. Boy and girl go on, say, 6 dates. Boy and girl have not discussed their relationship status. How should boy and girl refer to their status? Dating? Going out? Seeing each other?
Going on dates?
To me: I think if someone else asks, you're at least "seeing someone." It's "dating" if you've reached the point that your next public rendezvous isn't a question of mutual interest but of mutual availability. YMMV.
I'm 36 and single -- hardly an acumen for dating advice -- but I'll enjoy watching the debate.
ReplyDelete(Although, it does seem to me that there's not a lot of data to go on here about date content, intimacy level -- if you've hung out 6 times and it's still at that point, maybe you're just good friends? Men do sometimes make friends with women.)
I also look forward to this conversation, as I find myself in a comparable situation (although, there has been a little discussion, just not the fruitful kind).
ReplyDeleteI would also pose the question of frequency: Is it 6 dates over 4 months, or 6 dates in 6 weeks (or less!)?
I agree with Paul that date content is important too: movies, dinners, drinks, museum-outings?
What's the trendline of physical intimacy here? I'm all for one pacing these things, but if the trailing three-date average of physicial intimacy seems to be going up, then I think you call it dating at this stage.
ReplyDeleteThat said, I was never very good at the 'let's discuss our relationship status' thing. And, fortunately, with Mrs. Earthling there was never much need. The single most awesome thing she ever said to me early on was 'I have no interest in being just friends with you.'
Yes, three critical questions of frequency and physical intimacy and date-content have not been addressed. Other data, such as gifts, who's been paying, frequency and nature of between-date contact, whether boy and girl are still in school (and the same school), and who asked about the second through sixth dates have relevance.
ReplyDelete<span>Having just re-entered Singledom after almost a quarter-century, I'm quite interested in the topic too! Adam's initial cut seems insightful to me, though the other questions raised above seem like they have to be relevant. Also, there's the question of exclusivity. When I was in high school, "going out" connoted exclusivity, whereas "seeing each other" did not. (Maybe it's a separate topic. but the whole question of Facebook relationship status etiquette is also fascinating, as I've come to appreciate in recent weeks.)</span>
ReplyDeleteAlso, I disagree with Adam: "seeing someone" has more serious connotations than "dating."
ReplyDeleteYes, depending on level of physical intimacy in relationship and willingness to publicly admit to such, I would suppose "hooking up" is also an option. I have been informed that the discussion here is apparently now referred to as the "DTR Talk" (Defining the Relationship), and it seems this person needs to have such a talk.
ReplyDeleteGoing by the data provided, I'd say this is in "seeing each other" territory. Naturally, depending on TPE's questions, the questioner may reassesses this upwards based on additional data that is none of my beeswax.
ReplyDeleteSomeone familiar with the US Sentencing Guidelines could do a really funny parody on this topic. "Physical Intimacy On Second Date: Upward Adjustment +1 Category"...
ReplyDeleteI am throwing in with the "seeing each other" or "seeing someone" of course mostly as a descriptor to outsiders. Although I often would use involved or entangled to describe this uncertain stage when I was unsure of the person I was entagled with's view of said involvement.
ReplyDeleteBUT I would advise this person to at least inform the person they may or may not be seeing of their personal wishes/intentions to continue seeing them (see Mrs. earthling's reported comment above). It is better to get beyond that sooner than later.
Hooking up almost always means sleeping with someone, no matter what the rest of the relationship entails.
ReplyDeleteAnd I agree that seeing someone is more exclusive than dating. One can date more than one person at a time without hurt feelings, but seeing someone implies you are only seeing one someone.
We need to discuss this separately -- does "hooking up" mean "having sex with" or "making out with" (or somewhere in-between)? Anecdotally, I've seen regional and generational differences for this term.
ReplyDelete6 dates in three months or more, I would say that's just dating. If it's been a date a week or thereabouts, and there's been SOME degree of physical intimacy, then I would say that qualifies as going out, or seeing each other. Either way, I agree with Heather K that putting one's own wishes and/or intentions out there is better done early than late. That way if your wishes/intentions are at odds with the other person's, you can seek companionship elsewhere.
ReplyDeleteIf I knew the market better, I'd have extended my three-dates trailing technical average a bit. Mostly because I've always thought a 'put' sounded a little naughty.
ReplyDelete"Hooking up," to me, means "casual sex." Maybe they're friends as well, but the sex is not 'making love,' and the relationship is predicated on neither of them becoming attached.
ReplyDeleteI'm with Adam - if I heard "I've been seeing this guy for about a month" that's less serious than, "We've been dating about a month."
ReplyDeleteI thought this was the very situation for which the maddenigly vague "Hanging out" is appropriate. Because it means everything and nothing and keeps your parents guessing.
ReplyDeleteMy mother refers to all partners shy of marriage (well and now affianced) as Friends but she says it with an inflection that makes me want to smack her.
ReplyDeleteThe 'friend' was probably appropriate in high school and much less so at 29 when I was living with my now fiancee who only got promoted when he put a ring on it.
Overthinking! If you need a label, have the conversation and be ready for an answer you might not like. If you're having a good time with a person and you don't want to date other people, state your interest.
ReplyDeleteHooking up= having sex, unless you're under 18 and it may just be oral sex
Seeing someone v. dating = eye of the beholder
This thread just confirms for me just how much I sucked at "dating" (or whatever you want to call it) and how much better it is for everyone that I don't do it anymore.
ReplyDeleteI am the wrong one to opine on the instant question - I proposed to my husband on our third date, so by six dates he'd better damned well have been calling me his girlfriend.
I'm on board with everything except the having of the conversation. Having the conversation seems to me to fall within the ambit of overthinking, except worse, because it invites overthinking by the other party as well. This is the kind of conversation that would have driven me crazy back in my dating days. I'm not one of those idiots who says things like "why does society have to put a label on it?" but obsessing over which label to use is pointless. Based on the evidence here, everybody hears them differently anyway. Just figure out what sounds right to your ear and be prepared to elaborate if warranted.
ReplyDeleteI ran like hell from a guy who was mentioning marriage and the potential sale of real estate by the fifth date. I knew I'd probably marry my husband by the third date. Tough to tell.
ReplyDeleteBut I think everyone's missing the key qualifier: sort of. If you're not sure, you're sort of seeing someone. If you're sure you're together, you're seeing someone. Another key use of "sort of" is when you're not seeing/dating/interacting with anyone but you have an unwanted advance you need to rebuff. Sort of seeing a hypothetical person means you don't really have to produce anyone for a company function. It's casual. You're sort of seeing him/her. I mean, I guess you can also just say no. Whatever works for you.
Marsha, I was also terrible at dating and hated every moment of it.
KR, "hooking up" has fallen prey to the same sort of semantic decay that the baseball analogy and other terminology of intimacy has: it means wildly different things based on who/what/where/when is saying it. I've heard people of both sexes use "hooking up" to mean sex AND just kissing, and everything in between.
ReplyDeleteFirst ALOTT5MA hones in on language writers with the Grammar Rodeo, now you're trying to put advice columnists out of work? It just so happens I've been the advice columnist for my college newspaper over the past two-and-a-half years, so I have completely unaccredited and unverified credentials in this field.
ReplyDeleteYou are "going out"/"seeing each other"/"hooking up" if you're not prudes and "being romantic" if you are. "Dating" requires the formal establishment of some sort of relationship (even if it's casual or non-exclusive), but it cannot be argued that you two are not seeing each other and going out on dates together. Seeing is a little more casual, if you're trying to play it cool, but six dates really is right around the critical point where minds will be made up and thoughts set in stone about the whole matter.
This all reminds me of something. When I was 18 or so, my grandparents moved from Queens to southern Florida (as required by Jewish law). I would go down to visit my my then-girlfriend (the future Mrs. Russ) with some frequency. We'd been dating at least a couple of years by then. My grandparents were very cool about it, and we basically slept in the same room, with their knowledge. They also completely supported the relationship. But for YEARS, whenever my grandmother introduced us to her friends at the pool or the early-bird special restaurant or Publix (natch), she would refer us as "my grandson Russell and his friend [NAME]." It drove me somewhat crazy.
ReplyDeleteBlech. I hate hearing about how people hate(d) dating. Please tell me it's not THAT bad! :)
ReplyDeleteHmm. I may reverse on this, because I think you can be "dating" mutliple people, but if you're "seeing someone," it's one.
ReplyDeleteSpacelady: Are you someone who could contract for business with vendor?
So where does gentleman caller fall into this? Or does that require a front porch, giggling siblings, lemonade and for the year to be 1905 in Greentown, IL?
ReplyDeleteRuss, I obviously wouldn't trade what I have for dating, but dating was fun. If it's not fun, you're doing it wrong.
ReplyDeleteAnd a fragile glass unicorn.
ReplyDeleteRuss: Speaking as someone who was resingled and started dating again as a thirtysomething "grownup," it's NOT that bad. Truly. In fact, I actually enjoyed the process the second time around. I found it much easier to enjoy the 'meeting new people' aspect of dating at a time when I wasn't fretting about finding Mr. Right before I was past some arbitrary sell-by date (and as an added bonus, dating is great story fodder).
ReplyDeleteChiming in late as another singleton who things dating is more serious than seeing someone, and hooking up is casual sex. And when to have the conversation is completely dependent on the situation -- I've had label conversations after one date (although we'd known each other for a year prior to the date) and after six months and everywhere in between.
ReplyDeleteIsaac, although you're anti-conversation or anti-label, I think it's important, at least for me, that I'm on the same page with someone. I've been in situations where someone thought we were exclusive, and where I've thought we were exclusive, and it wasn't the case either time. I'm not saying have the conversation after one date (unless you might be in a situation like I referred to above) but after six dates, depending on a lot of the other factors, if you're interested in exclusivity, be willing to ask if they're on the same path as you. Or, if you're just having fun but feel the other person is getting in too deep, have that conversation. But, as KR said, know that you may not always get the answer you want -- but I'd rather not get the answer I want and know for sure what's happening than sit around overthinking.
I am the kind of official dating and relationship guru of my friends, not for my track record but for my ability to give real world advice the most recent jewel to a newly divorced friend with a guy she was fretting over (newly dating after a decade or so of not):
ReplyDeleteHow do you know he is too good for you? Maybe you are way to good for him? Three dates is not enough time to suss out the depths of someone's crazy. Most people can put on a good front for three dates. I mean, you know, does he know you are crazy yet? No. See? He could be worse. Way worse. At least you've been married. He hasn't. How do we know this isn't because no one would take him?
But on that front and in support of those above DO NOT HAVE A CONVERSATION ABOUT IT! Just state what you want, also try to phrase it in a very simple way that does not assume a) that you want to marry them tomorrow and have their babies forever-perhaps more push towards lets give this a try at exclusivity and a bit more serious; b) that this is a serious awful thing like pancreatic cancer-because you know its not and if they dont really want to try it serious with you, good you know, so you can move on to either no strings bonking or another person who does seriously want you; and c) that this a big enough deal to have a whole thing about, just a yes or a no and lets get on with it--try not to dwell or say anything more than one single concise sentence.
In case it is not apparent, I win at over thinking. However, my dating strategy was to talk myself down from crazy spirals of over thinking without having to involve said dating person. Actually in my non-dating relationship self my strategy is often to talk myself down from crazy spirals of overthinking before speaking to the fiancee. In fact that kind of is a life strategy. And anyone who read this far is now glad they only know me on the internet. I come off surprisingly less crazy than this would lead you to believe.
Oh Qday, Qday, wherefore art thou, Qday?
ReplyDeleteCan I add this post/thread to my list of things that are never not funny?
ReplyDeletefirst rule of QDay is that we dare not speak of it. Let them think it's a reference to a Saddam Hussein son.<span> </span>
ReplyDeleteWhat (probably) not to say:
ReplyDelete"He's my arm candy, sometimes."
"Why, Mama, this is my gentleman friend."
"Sperm donor candidate"
"Bachelor #2"
Does anyone use the expression "courting" anymore? Seems that it's a perfectly good term for certain strategic decisions one makes in a relationship (when to escalate certain statements of affection, when certain gifts are appropriate, when to introduce them to certain friends/family) that may come naturally, are still something that's considered as one progresses. (I made certain strategic decisions -- for example -- that I didn't want to have Mrs Earthling go to dinner with my parents without first once going out with my sister and her husband as well. I very much wanted Mrs E to meet my folks but my Mom, bless her dearly, *never stops talking* - and while the 11 Embarrassing Stories from TPE's Childhood are cute when rolled out over time, they ought not be delivered in a single sitting (and inevitably in order), as is my mother's want.)
ReplyDeleteI'm not anti-label, and I'm not against having occasional state-of-the-union conversations about relationship status (though I caution that if you have too many of those conversations, you increase the risk that suddenly you will have none of them). I'm just saying that what you choose to call it has nothing whatsoever to do with the substance of what it is. So pick whatever label makes you happy and don't obsess about whether you're dating or going out or seeing each other or together or committed or exclusive or pre-engaged or taken, because nobody in the entire world has the same understanding of what those words mean. As this very thread should make clear, trying to negotiate the terminology, as opposed to the underlying substance, will be both unnecessarily frustrating and utterly pointless.
ReplyDeleteFriends of mine just went quasi-public with their divorce -- but I knew something was up a month ago when they very quietly disappeared from each others' Facebook friend lists. (Wasn't stalking, just happened to notice.)
ReplyDelete"Courting" is commonly used in the conservative Christian community as a way to describe dating-with-the-explicit-intention-to-marry. often under the guidance of parents or church elders, and often with prohibitions on physical contact during the courtship period.
ReplyDeleteMany of us do, Heather.
ReplyDeleteWhich reminds me of a fact I always forget (I must have repressed it), that my then-divorced-from-my-mother father appeared on The Dating Game. I really want to find that episode. But then again, I really don't ever want to see it in case it's worse than I imagine.
ReplyDeleteI've decided that I want to have a "state of the union" conversation simply so I can start out with "the state of our union is strong." I expect to be greeted by bipartisan applause when I make that statement.
ReplyDeleteThat's what USay.
ReplyDeleteAs long as he's not that serial killer guy, it couldn't have been that bad.
ReplyDeleteAmish, for instance, still follow that. I'm sure there are other examples that could come to mind but I keep leaping to societies that still follow arranged marriages.
ReplyDeleteHe's Bachelor #3 in this, right?
ReplyDeletehttp://www.youtube.com/v/VxkXpKHdkfE&feature" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" width="170" height="140
You know you're in trouble when the Sergeant of Arms won't let you in to even start the State.
ReplyDeleteAlex Kozinski is not a serial killer.
ReplyDeletehttp://www.youtube.com/v/OdjCdbGucCU" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" width="170" height="140
My personal hierarchy of terms from least to most serious:
ReplyDeletehanging out
going on a date
dating (implies more than one date, but may involve multiple partners)
pitching woo
seeing each other
sparking
courting
cohabiting
hitched
In response to these questions, the person in question has advised me of the following facts: it's six dates over four weeks, has not progressed beyond kissing yet, and they have visited each other's respective dwellings. They're both professionals in the working world, not students, and do talk on the phone between dates.
ReplyDeleteIn my real life I do use this to make (lately) some pretty fun/painful/amusing/awful/embarrassing/funny performance with it. So at least I get that out of it.
ReplyDeleteSome great posts above and I pretty much agree with everyone. So, the only thing I can add to this conversation is only date/hang/see one person at a time. If you're an over thinker (like me) or worse, an over feeler (also like me) then you'll get in a horrible muddle.
ReplyDeleteThis is particularly important if you do internet dating.
I don't know that the distinction is relevant so much in a "Hey, what are we to each other?" sense than in the your-friend-asks-you, "So, how are things going with _______? Are y'all together?" sense.
ReplyDeleteBut my husband told me he was going to marry me before we ever had an actual date -- and our first date was him flying in to meet my family for Easter -- so my opinions on dating are probably more than a little fringe :).
Between victoria and our parents, it makes it very intimidating. The boyfriend didn't mention marriage until a good three dates in.
ReplyDeleteActually, the term that I have trouble with is "boyfriend." I mean, we are exclusive and all that good stuff, but it feels like an awfully juvenile term for a 41-year-old man, you know?
ReplyDeleteOr if you get to start, but someone interrupts to say "You lie!"
ReplyDeleteWhen I left to go out of state for my 2L summer job, I had been on one sort-of date with my future husband (to Cedar Point for the afternoon with friends). We talked fairly frequently on the phone, but didn't see each other all summer. I spent the summer saying (while drunk, to everyone willing to listen), "I met this guy and I think I really like him, but I'm not sure what he thinks about me." He spent the summer saying, "My girlfriend is in DC."
ReplyDeleteI think having "the conversation" is a good thing!
Jenn., I was about to say the same thing. I'm 41, been dating or whatevering since I was 14. I'm exhausted! "Boyfriend" is so high school. I usually end up saying "dater guy" for the duration.
ReplyDeleteYes. QDay should remain buried until there is an optimally humorous opportunity to use its archives at a Senate Confirmation Hearing.
ReplyDelete"I do not have a girlfriend, but I do know someone who would be really angry if she heard me say that." -- Mitch Hedberg
ReplyDeleteWhich is to say that if you're looking around for rules of thumb and reassurance from others about norms in this area, then I suspect that you're already kidding yourself. If you're paying attention, you know. If you're realy not sure, it's probably time to have a conversation.
Argh. Was trying to do some maintenance on JS-Kit and it deleted a bunch of comments. (Then again, for what we're paying them ...). I think I've recovered them:
ReplyDelete======
Anonymous
Russ, I have to post this anonymously for obvious reasons, but I'm married and would give anything to be able to date again. All the uncertainty, the awkwardness, the frustration, the nervousness, even the potential heartbreak when something you think is going somewhere falls apart -- I'd take them all back in a second for the chance to feel that rush of excitement you get when you feel yourself really starting to connect with someone new. Even if I were happily married, which I'm not, I think I'd really miss that. There's just nothing else like it.
Today, 13:44:13
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Russ
Anonymous, I feel roughly the way you describe. The end of a long marriage (and as many of you know, there's a young child involved) certainly presents a lot of frustration, upset, and challenge, but there's also a lot of excitement for the prospect of falling for someone (or someones) again at some point in the future. Especially after the difficulties that accompany the (often protracted) death throes of the old relationship. And with that, I'll end the threadjack! :)
Today, 14:10:55
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Russ (
Ok, just one more thing: I'm sure you have a great support network, but if you want to talk to someone sympathetic who understands the feeling, feel free to contact me. If we're not already social-media connected, I'm russhanser at yahoo dot com.
Today, 14:13:52
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Meghan
It was terrible for me because I prefer to hang out with a small group of very close friends and/or by myself, usually at home. It's rough to meet new people that way. Then, throw in working only with women (education) and it gets even harder. Also, I live in a very family-oriented city, so everyone was already married. Don't take me as an example of what to do or as any reflection on dating.
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Russ, I third this. Similar to sloschenkohl, I became newly single in my 30s, and am quite enjoying dating again for the same reasons. I think it's impossible to undersell the benefits of story fodder; I find that I either enjoy the date, or have something amusing to share, and sometimes both. If your life permits, go out often as even the occasional bad times have a benefits to them.
ReplyDeleteMaybe the best part, for me, is that I really enjoy putting the effort in to find new and interesting things to do and people to do them with. I'm guessing that the fact that this skill had atrophied at some point while I was in a long-term relationship points to one of the reasons that being single again was a good and necessary thing.
Yes! I completely agree Jenn. I've run into trouble with this in the past when introducing someone I was in a serious relationship with as either just [her name] or "friend" rather than my "girlfriend." Of course, introducing her as my "lover" didn't really work all that well either. . .
ReplyDeleteCH- That's true, "lover" only works if you're Will Ferrell and/or Rachel Dratch.
ReplyDeleteThe weird part is having Joe Biden sit behind you and read along as you're trying to talk.
ReplyDeletecalliekl, absolutely, or if the people you use it about or in front of are aware of that sketch, which sadly was not the case at the time. My references to filling our bellies with goat meat didn't help matters.
ReplyDeleteRuss - I'm not the best at giving advice on married vs. single since I have never been married but I have to say that I kind of love being single. (And I'm about to turn 44 so I'm no spring chicken...)
ReplyDeleteRegarding the Facebook question, the college kids are following these parameters: When they are first starting a relationship, they are 'just talking'. Once the dating advances enough that they have the talk they move into 'dating' or 'going out'. They sort of have to have the talk because they become 'Facebook official' and you certainly don't want to list that you are in a relationship with someone without letting the other person know!
In my experience, I've had a situation where I've been on six-dates-with-just-kissing, and the woman felt entitled to go on dates with other men and end things without any discussion of the matter or even a formal acknowledgment that things were ending. So in the case of two grownups, I'd say they're "going on dates" until further mutual agreement. And unless they're frum, I'd think someone needs to make a move pretty soon: I've been single about ten years over the last quarter century with a ridiculous number of monogamous relationships, and I've never had six-dates-with-just-kissing turn into anything.
ReplyDeleteHooking up is essentially vague as to the intimacy details. Also, you're not dating them or seeing them if you're hooking up. You're a student/not a grown up.
ReplyDeleteDear Ladies of America,
ReplyDeleteTed expects you to put out before the seventh date.
I've heard about this dating thing, but alas, I live in Los Angeles, where the men are only single because the state won't allow them to marry each other.
ReplyDeleteAnd then when you watch it afterward on tape, his lips are moving.
ReplyDelete<span>
ReplyDeleteI think that if after 6 dates you're asking the Interwebs whether it's time to have a talk to define what you're doing, then it's probably time to have the talk. (Or one of you isn't doing what the other one hopes you are doing.) But don't sweat it; just bring it up matter of factly, say what you want, and don't take it personally if the other person has a different person.
But remember, dating is supposed to be fun. I agree that if it's not fun, you're not doing it right, or you're doing it with the wrong person/people. But for me, before a date, that fun is tempered with a heavy dose of "WTF am I doing?" anxiety. I ride through those times by reminding myself that the process, as a whole, is supposed to be fun, but individual moments may sometimes be soul crushing. And telling myself that the bad-date-induced awkward times will seem funny in retrospect, and possibly make for interesting short stories.
For example:
Guy #1 responded to my request for him to make more romantic gestures by making sure he called me on Valentines Day (instead of missing it) even though a blizzard caused us to cancel our plans. But then during the conversation he let slip that he was driving through the storm to a spontaneous hockey game being held 20 miles away with all his friends (who also cancelled their V-day plans due to weather).
Guy #2 seemed normal at first, but was shy, and had trouble relating to people. I quickly found his habit was, instead of talking to me (or other people), after a few pleasantries at a party or a coffee shop or whatever gathering, he would launch into giving neck and shoulder massages. Which wouldn't have been a problem if he had only done it to me. But I found it hard to carry on a conversation with him at parties while he was giving shoulder massages to other women.
But the most intriguing thing about this thread, to me, is this:
Given the number of responses to this post, perhaps ALOTT5MA is primed for a "dating in the new millenium for people from the old millenium" spin off. Especially given the "dating" - "seeing someone" - "hooking up" / grammar of dating sidebar opportunities, and the opportunity to apply sports-based statistical analysis skills to something much more personal and messy.
</span>
And then there's all that crying, and you have to turn around and say "Could ya can it, Boehner?"
ReplyDeleteI have it on reasonably good authority that at Bob Jones, men and women court in a designated room and must sit a Bible-width apart.
ReplyDeleteWho said it's The Ladies of America who are holding out on Ted and not the other way 'round?
ReplyDeleteThere's a lot a woman and I can do sitting a Bible-width apart.
ReplyDeleteWatts, I have totally been introduced to parents as "This is the guy I sleep with sometimes."
ReplyDeleteI had to cock my head, think it over, and say, "OK, that's fair. Hi, I'm Paul!"
Manfriend?
ReplyDeleteI'm just holding out for Nate Silver to join one of the dating sites as a consultant once he's figured out how to statistically analyze compatability.
ReplyDelete"kinda seeing someone" < "dating" < "seeing someone"
ReplyDeleteOKCupid is the site Nate Silver would create. But I'd imagine an open meat-market thread on ALLOTT5MA would have entertainment value.
ReplyDeleteMy brother is in Los Angeles: a SJM computer programmer/standup-comedian with a huge book and DVD collection. Email me for details.
ReplyDelete[Pause.] No, I don't want to know.
ReplyDeleteIn the past, I have found out the status of a relationship by casually dropping the word "boyfriend" or "girlfriend" into conversation.
ReplyDeleteThis is, looking back on my dating life, the only decent piece of advice I can give.
Late to the party (and don't have anything to contribute that hasn't already been better said above), but just wanted to note that this post and the comments combine all of the things I love about ALOTT5MA.
ReplyDeleteAt a party celebrating my grandparents' 50th wedding anniversary, my grandmother was thanking her children and their spouses/significant others for organizing the party. She got to my uncle who had a longtime girlfriend and my grandmother stumbled over how to refer to her... she went with "my son William and his, um, his, um, his Barbara." It's kind of stuck - when my mom thinks "girlfriend/boyfriend" doesn't work, she usually goes with his/her "name of person."
ReplyDeleteI do not have the kind of parents where that would fly even as a joke. It would require my dad to get his gun and chase you.
ReplyDeleteI didn't make the joke! She did!
ReplyDeleteTed may be a libertarian, but that doesn't mean he's a libertine.
ReplyDeleteDoesn't that statement have a lot riding on which edition of the Bible you roll with?
ReplyDeleteExactly (guest was me). Is it one of those tiny Gideon bibles, or a huge children's illustrated Bible? I do assume that Bob Jones has standardized Bible sizes.
ReplyDeleteJust wanted to point out that I said that I sucked at dating, not that dating sucked. When I was dating, I was a fat 20-something Jewish practicing lawyer in NYC. It became clear very quickly that in that time and place, the Jewish boys in their 20s who I was meeting did not like (a) fat girls (b) career girls (c) smart girls (d) obnoxious outspoken girls etc. Plus I was insecure and immature and probably very annoying to be on a first date with. The pickings were disappointingly slim as well - over the course of three years in NYC, I got fixed up with the same guy by 3 different dating services. It got to the point where we thought we must be the only single Jewish people in our age range in NYC. As I said, I sucked at dating.
ReplyDeleteThe only good first date I've ever been on was with a dorky redheaded jewish guy whose "type" is mouthy overweight smart Jewish redheads. He's lucky I waited for the third date to propose.
Bob Jones University is Protestant, so no Deuterocanonical stuff, which makes things easier.
ReplyDeleteShow me the couple who can work around the width of the Babylonian Talmud, and I'll be quite impressed.
ReplyDeleteDitto. This thread reminds me to increase the ALOTT5MA in my life - not that we're exclusive or anything, but we've been seeing each other off and on for a few years now...
ReplyDeleteHell, I'd move to LA for that. YOU email ME with details. *grin*
ReplyDelete<span>Does your brother expect me to put out before the seventh date as well? I'm not saying that's necessarily a problem. I just like to know where I stand.</span>
ReplyDeleteI know. I was just stating that making that joke at my house could lead to homicide charges.
ReplyDeleteI know. I was just stating that making that joke at my house could lead to homicide charges.
ReplyDelete<p>For the record and future judicial confirmation hearings, I don't "expect" a woman to put out before the seventh date in either sense of the word "expect." I'm just saying that as an intelligent Bayesian considering posterior possibilities (heh heh, I said "possibilities" /beavis), it seems unlikely that a woman who hasn't slept with me after six dates is going to sleep with me in the future.
ReplyDelete</p>
i am totally with you on disliking the term "boyfriend." he is not a boy and we are not just friends. i refer to my man as my man. or sometimes my guy. or usually by his name.
ReplyDeletehe refers to me by my name, and his dad calls me his "ladyfriend," which i only tolerate because it reminds me of the big lebowski.
Just don't do the WaPo Date Lab. Nobody comes out from that looking very good. Well, rarely.
ReplyDeleteI actually know a couple that were set up by the WaPo Date Lab and are getting married in July.
ReplyDeleteThat's why I like "fucking" and "not fucking."
ReplyDeleteI love you people, my nerds. You make dating funny.
ReplyDeleteSo, guys...would you say that we're all seeing each other? Dating? Hooking up? I mean, I usually don't stay overnight with y'all.
ReplyDeleteI would continue to 'tilt' your head in a downward fashion until your neck broke.
ReplyDeleteMe and ozzy fucked tougher, trying to show to my god! FUCK YES!
ReplyDelete' prior to cumming inside my warm pussy. were still fucking
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