AND HE SPEAKS A SECOND LANGUAGE:  Harry Potter, recent Hogwarts graduate, is looking for work as an Auror. Here's his CV. (Via Buzzfeed.)

Edited by Isaac to add:

Dear Mr. Potter:

We sincerely appreciate your interest in an Auror position with the Ministry of Magic. While we are impressed with your credentials, we regret that we cannot offer you a position at this time.

As you are aware, magic is a detail-dependent field. The Auror position in particular requires an exacting command of nuances of language. Even minor grammatical or usage errors in powerful defensive incantations may have catastrophic consequences, often at the least opportune times. Your resume betrays an inattention to such matters that renders you unsuitable for Auror work.

The Ministry, as a matter of policy, ordinarily does not comment on the reasons for its personnel decisions. We have seen fit to depart from that policy in this instance to emphasize the grave danger that resides at the intersection of your linguistic predilections and the discipline of defense against the dark arts. We urge you, for your safety and that of those around you, either to devote yourself to an intensive course of study in magical proofreading or to refrain from the practice of any defensive spells.

We wish you success in your endeavors.

Warmest regards,
Gawain Robards
Supervising Deputy Minister, Office of Aurochs
Department of Magic Enforcement
Ministry of Magic

THE DINGO'S GOT MY MEDALLION WITH A RAINBOW RIBBON!  I suggested back in 2008 that she was long overdue, so it's about damn time that Meryl Streep has been announced today as one of the 2011 recipients of a Kennedy Center Honor for lifetime achievement in the performing arts, along with Yo-Yo Ma (what? he hadn't won already?), saxophonist Sonny Rollins, Broadway/cabaret star Barbara Cook, and, um, Neil Diamond.  Past honorees are listed here.

CLEAR OF LEGAL IMPEDIMENTS, FULL WALLETS, EVERYBODY LOSES: I don't normally write much about sports, but the news that Texas A&M is apparently finally going to consummate its flirtation with the SEC saddens me. As anyone who's watched half an episode of Friday Night Lights can attest, Texas and football have a deep primal connection with one another, and there are a bunch of great rivalries--some one-sided (as JFK observed), and some far more competitive--with arguably the greatest of those being the Texas/Texas A&M showdown--tied for the third longest running one (by games played) in college football, and for years, played on the Friday or Saturday after Thanksgiving, and often a major game with implications for which team would go on to play in the Big XII championship.

Grantland has (as usual) an interesting piece on the SEC's culture, arguing that A&M isn't a cultural fit as it is more Texan than Southern, but fails to note that "SECede" t-shirts and slogans have apparently been quite popular amongst Aggie fans in recent years, who are convinced that going to a bigger pond with a bunch of really big fish is a better solution to what ails them than staying in a smaller pond with one other really big and hungry fish.

The most interesting possible outcome here seems to me an 8 school "Texas Conference," which could be UTEP, SMU, Rice, Houston, TCU, Texas, Texas Tech, and Baylor, and which might actually get an automatic BCS berth for its champion.

ETA: Rice's Marching Owl Band provided its comment during halftime of last weekend's Rice-UT game. Still not as bold as when they marched in the shape of a fire hydrant and played "Oh Where Oh Where Has My Little Dog Gone" at A&M in tribute to its mascot.

AND THEN I SAY "MAZEL TOV" AND YOU SAY "L'CHAIM" ... IT GOES ON LIKE THAT FOR QUITE SOME TIME: Jeff Tweedy discovers that covering the prolix, interactive Black Eyed Peas is harder than he thought it would be.

THESE AREN'T THE ROIDS YOU'RE LOOKING FOR: I think it's cool that the San Francisco Giants had a Star Wars-themed game featuring "a pre-game costume contest, a post-game screening of Star Wars Episode V: The Empire Strikes Back in the stadium, Stormtroopers guarding the field during the 'Star-Spangled Banner,' giveaway statues of Giants closing pitcher Brian Wilson — frozen in carbonite, Han Solo-style — and the opportunity to generally geek out throughout the game." I hope it makes up for the fact that they're not returning to the playoffs this year.

CLAP YOUR HANDS EVERYBODY, AND EVERYBODY CLAP YOUR HANDS: 11 fictional colleges you should be glad you didn’t attend.

TASTE THE SOUP: Eddie Murphy has decided to descend from Bubble Hill to host the 2012 Oscars.

Murphy turned 50 this year, the age at which he pledged to retire from film and return to standup comedy, and in the past year he has continued to hint in this direction. It feels like Murphy has more riding on this gig than most would -- between this and Tower Heist, it's perhaps a final chance for Murphy to establish himself as a star with contemporary appeal for adult audiences, with the bite, intelligence, and swagger that so many of us miss. I am very much rooting for him to succeed.

SWING, YOU FAT BASTARD!  The Amazing Race debuted ten years ago last night, and Reality Blurred has video of the first episode. Also, back in the day Linda Holmes recapped it for a site then known as Mighty Big TV.

Among other remarkable things: the clue envelope with the first spoon-fed flights doesn't tell the teams from which NYC airport each departs, so you see the teams running around in  Central Park frantically looking for pay phones to call the airlines to figure out where to go. (Also, it's obvious from the first moments that money scarcity is a much bigger factor for the teams than it has become, as they debate subway v. taxi for getting to the airport.) Not every season has reached the heights of seasons 1-4, but other than Survivor no reality competition has come close to its durability and excellence. Eyebrows will raise for Season 19 in three weeks.

SOMEDAY, I'M GONNA BE FREE, LORD!  You know that we often note here that cancer fucking sucks? So does AIDS.  Freddie Mercury would have turned 65 today.

Google offers this animated tribute, and from the many performances available online I'll link to this performance of "Somebody to Love" and, of course, Live Aid.  (No word, from what I can tell, as to when/whether the Peter Morgan penned/Sacha Baron Cohen starring biopic will film.)

THE PARTIES ARE ADVISED TO CHILL:  A Rolling Stone readers poll yields a "worst songs of the 1990s" slideshow.  I'm going to argue that three of the songs listed aren't bad at all -- "MMMBop," "Tubthumping," and "Ice Ice Baby," though ubiquity worked against each. As annoying as the Vanilla Ice phenomenon became (and with all the attendant issues regarding Caucasians in hip hop), one has to concede (doesn't one?) that the song works on its own merits.

Worse songs of the 1990s not on the list: Limp Bizkit, "Nookie"; Next, "Too Close"; Warrant, "Cherry Pie"; and Adams/Stewart/Sting, "All For Love."

BUCKNERED:  Fakest on-screen baby ever? Didn't care. That was some great Curb, and even though some of the setups were obvious the payoffs were grand slams.

THROUGH EARLY MORNING FOG I SEE VISIONS OF THE THINGS TO BE: For the 3rd (?) consecutive season I have created an ESPN ALOTT5MA NFL suicide pool league. Entertainment purposes only; if you're wagering don't tell me. Do join in.

(Lou W. won in 2009; last year ended in a tie at midseason.)

HADJI, THE TOTAL TONNAGE OF WHAT I KNOW THAT YOU DON'T COULD STUN A TEAM OF OXEN IN ITS TRACKS: Two things. First, someone has put together an awesome stop-motion recreation of the Johnny Quest opening sequence. Second, in the original series, Johnny Quest was voiced by none other than Tim Matheson.

IN ADDITION TO BLACK TIE, RED LEATHER SUIT WILL BE ACCEPTABLE: Unsurprisingly, after last year's debacle, the producing team for next year's Oscars is again looking at a comedian-type to host, and apparently, Eddie Murphy is in talks, with Billy Crystal likely to play some sort of role (I assume doing a musical bit near the open, as NPH did a few years back. Given that the production team is led by Brett Ratner (no, I don't know why, either), it's not exactly a surprise, but it's certainly an interesting choice.

AND HULL HOUSE FOUNDER JANE ADDAMS, WHO HAS VOWED TO DONATE ALL OF HER WINNINGS TO THE LAME AND THE IRISH: Slate's Josh Levin recounts great casts in Dancing with the Stars pre-history.  Still, I'm surprised he didn't talk about that great 1975 cast with Fannie Foxe, former Brady Bunch star Barry Williams, Young Frankenstein's Marty Feldman, "Captain" Daryl Dragon, and Brett Somers, no matter how inevitable it was that Steelers rookie sensation Lynn Swann would win.

okay, another: 1984's season with Night Court's Richard Moll, The Love Boat's Ted Lange, Laura Branigan, Katarina Witt, Zola Budd, Police Academy star Michael Winslow, and former Interior Secretary James Watt.

THE TEMPLE OF PURE COLLEGE BASKETBALL HAS GONE RECONSTRUCTIONIST: That was the reaction of a friend of mine when I shared the news that The Palestra—the 84-year-old University of Pennsylvania gym-slash-sweatshop which has hosted more college basketball games than any other arena—has replaced its fabled fixed-digit, kid-has-to-change-the-letters-manually scoreboard with a modern video display.

In other death-of-Philadelphia-tradition news, farewell to all-rock 94.1 WYSP-FM, and good riddance, Howard Eskin.

ALOTT5MA FRIDAY PLAYLIST:  This idea hit me while listening to "Hazy Shade of Winter" on my iPod on the way home from work yesterday: songs which sound that much better while listening with headphones (or otherwise stereo-enhanced).

WE CAN ONLY ASSUME NPH AS MARIUS IS THE NEXT TO BE ANNOUNCED: Allegedly, Anne Hathaway is in talks to play Fantine in a movie version of Les Mis as her next role, which will give her the chance to do "I Dreamed A Dream." The article also suggests that Geoffrey Rush and Helena Bonham Carter are close to signing to play the Thenardiers, with Hugh Jackman and Russell Crowe already attached as Valjean and Javert, respectively. I'm still not sure that it works transitioned from stage to film, but the cast is certainly shaping up nicely.

BUT WE WENT RIGHT ON WITH THE SHOW:  Next Sunday at 4pm, VH-1 will rebroadcast without commercial interruption the six hour Concert for New York City held on October 20, 2001. It's a varied setlist which reflects the music of 2001 (Five For Fighting, Backstreet Boys) but also contains some timeless, great performances from pop/rock legends in front of a passionate crowd. Below the fold, Billy Joel, "Miami 2017 (Seen the Lights Go Out on Broadway)":

GOOD NEWS: Remember last week when we advised commenter Kate on a travel bucket list for her and her father? Kate emailed me today to let you all know that things have changed:

I wanted to offer a sincere thank you to everyone for such wonderful ideas of what my father should do, he is planning on doing a number of them. I also wanted to give everyone an update. The good news is that although we were told a cancer diagnosis was almost certain, as it turns out, "almost" doesn't mean "always". He did not end up needing surgery. He came home from the hospital yesterday, the diagnosis is not cancer but something much less serious and non-life threatening. He is currently shopping so he can cook dinner tonight, which he will eat. We hope to experience many more years of his presence. In the meantime he has a new lease on life and a "no time like the present" attitude to take away from a couple of scary, scary weeks.

Obviously we're a little shocked and thrilled. We're still going to do some of the travel ideas. Two weeks ago I was asking him about funeral arrangements, tonight he is planning on making me dinner.

THE BEAUTIFUL IDEA THAT A WASHED-UP FORMER ALCOHOLIC BALLPLAYER OF LIMITED INTELLIGENCE AND A PERENNIAL PH.D CANDIDATE CAN FALL IN LOVE WITH EACH OTHER: Michael Schur discusses in great detail the brilliance of Cheers, noting (among other things) the importance of Vera:

They did such a good job establishing this place at the bar where they spend all this time, and in certain ways, all the characters need it as a place to be. [Vera served as a] genuine reminder that there’s a life that exists outside the camera. If they didn’t have that, it would be The Iceman Cometh and it would be incredibly depressing: These awful fat alcoholics who didn’t leave the stupid bar, but they did a great job reminding you that these people have lives outside of the bar.

And in the midst of discussing his favorite characters:

I loved Coach and Woody because Coach and Woody are very stupid and stupid is the nuclear weapon of comedy. In terms of pure belly laughs, nothing will ever beat stupid people.... On The Office it was sort of half Michael and half Creed. Creed’s all crazy and stupid but Michael’s really the moron, and on Parks and Rec it’s Andy. You know pretty much every comedy show has one character whose primary character trait is stupidity, and they always are really funny.

ETHICAL REALITY! (ACT UP, FIGHT BACK!)  Our Friend Linda Holmes -- herself a former attorney -- proposes a code of ethics for reality tv producers to avoid the more exploitative aspects of the genre.  Much of it is common sense for the health of the participants -- reducing alcohol, increasing sleep, providing access to mental health professionals when needed -- but what I want to focus on are her suggestions for reducing the manipulative nature of the shows as edited:

IF YOU WANT TO READ A REAL HISTORY BOOK, READ HOWARD ZINN’S A PEOPLE’S HISTORY OF THE UNITED STATES. THAT BOOK WILL KNOCK YOU ON YOUR ASS: Time Magazine purports to list the 100 best and most influential nonfiction books written in English since 1923, when the magazine debuted.