Monday, June 25, 2012

KILL THIS PORTMANTEAU, NOW:  "Breastaurant"?  Ugh. (And then kill the concept to which it is attached.)

18 comments:

  1. Wow, that average customer age was higher than I expected. A lot higher. Won't be long before we see the first Breast Home. Hellooooooo Nurse! (Patent Pending.)

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  2. isaac_spaceman10:55 AM

    If you read the in-flight magazines, you'll notice that there are always three or four full-page ads seeking both diners and (more importantly, I suspect) franchisees for these kinds of places.  The ads are all exactly the same (same model pose, same ad layout), except for the pattern on the server's bra and skirt and the cuisine featured on the tray next to the server's cleavage. 

    My guess is that the owners of these chains will make a decent amount of money from the franchise fees and then all of the actual franchises will go out of business.  An article like this is a huge boost to that business model. 

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  3. Jordan11:16 AM

    But how is the cherry pie?

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  4. There are a series of restaurant chains in Canada that may also extend into the US (I'm thinking Milestones and Moxie's and Earl's and Joey's and Cactus Club) where the waitstaff are all young, slender, buxom, and usually blonde. They all wear tight black tops and short black skirts and high black heels. They are CLEARLY using their sexiness, but attempt to class it up. It's just not quite as literally in-your-face as it is at Hooters.

    So with Hooters, et al., I guess what I'm saying is it's good to see someone call a spade a spade.

    (Also, the food service portmanteau that REALLY needs to go is "Resto-lounge".)

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  5. Gleemonex12:13 PM

    Breastaurant? Huh. That's what I've always called your mom's house. 

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  6. Emily1:38 PM

    <p>"'We want to be very PG-13,' he says. Its 'class in all things' motto also means servers can't have tattoos, piercings or dyed hair."

    So blonde doesn't count as dyed hair, right? Also, are tattoos any worse than having your server in a bra in the "class" rankings?</p>

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  7. sconstant1:54 PM

    Look, some people just want a good cleavantage point, because they're brabid fans.

    Anyway, I thought there was already a word for restaurants where the chief attraction is a woman's chestal region; that's why I always stayed away from Brasserie Perrier et al.

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  8. Benner2:10 PM

    If David Lynch isn't getting a piece of that, he needs to call his lawyer. Obviously, Twin Peaks was wholesome family entertainment (except for one-eyed jacks), but the name plus the plaid could create the likelihood of confusion. I've found that breasts alone can have that effect (though not with this place, specifically).

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  9. Chuck3:28 PM

    Of all the chain names in that article, I thought "Mugs N Jugs" was refreshingly honest.  Unless they mug you when you go there.

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  10. Watts3:38 PM

    I, for one, was SORELY disappointed to find out "Beef O'Brady's" wasn't designed to cater to my desire to have handsome men in mid-thigh shorts serve me food.

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  11. Jessica3:51 PM

    No mention of Bikini's, which has a classy sign that I drive by every day, "You can't motorboat personality"

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  12. The Pathetic Earthling3:53 PM

    I read an almost identical article with almost identical quotes about two years ago.  It's a nice PR piece, this.

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  13. You'll be interested in an opportunity to franchise one of my new "Peckers" establishments then.

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  14. Randy4:30 PM

    Unrelated, I've long wanted to open a seafood restaurant called "The Little Man in the Boat".  It wouldn't be on any main streets, though.  It would have to be hard to find, tucked away somewhere.

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  15. isaac_spaceman4:42 PM

    Specializing in sausage and buns? 

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  16. Where in god's name is that?  ...not that I'm going!  I just imagine locals setting fire to that billboard fortnightly.  Or am I overestimating humanity again?  Again?!??  Crap.

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  17. Our "classier" up-market branding alternative is "Hummerdinger's".

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  18. Jessica3:21 PM

    I-45 in THE WOODLANDS TX...seems like someone would burn it down... there are enough churches within walking distance.

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