Tuesday, August 28, 2012

BEAR IN MIND, THE CAST HAS EMMYS, GRAMMYS, AND OSCAR NOMINATIONS: If you've been to the movies of late, you may have been subjected to advertising for The Oogieloves In The BIG Balloon Adventure, including a trailer that indicates that dancing along in the theatre will be encouraged, and I offer, without comment, this ACTUAL synopsis of the film from its advertising material:
Over the mountains, beyond the sea, is the loveliest place there ever could be.  It's in this wonderfilled land of Lovelyloveville that our BIG interactive adventure begins.  Meet Goobie, Zoozie, and Toofie, the Oogieloves, as we set out to find Lonelyloveville's last five magical balloons in time for our very dear friend Schluufy's surprise birthday party. Shhhh!!! It's a secret!!! As we all search for the golden balloons throughout Fun Forest and over Great Grass Lake, together we meet colorful new friends along the way, including a comically rose-obsessed diva (Toni Braxton), a grandmother with a hysterical passion for polka dots (Cloris Leachman), an Elvisesque diner owner and his milkshake-making cow (Chazz Palminteri), a cowboy who grows bubbles in the back of his truck (Cary Elwes), and a couple of enthusiastic dancers who live in a giant hovercraft shaped sombrero (Christopher Lloyd and Jaime Pressly).  With the help of old friends and new, can we along with the Oogieloves, find the balloons in time for what could become Lonelyloveville's most sensational surprise party ever?  In a world of endless possibilities, The Oogieloves In The BIG Balloon Adventure just might be the most extraordinary and joyous adventure of all time.
I really don't know where to start, but I'll start with two questions--does Palminteri play the diner owner, or the cow?  Do the dancers live in a sombrero shaped like a hovercraft, or a hovercraft shaped like a sombrero?  Does it even matter?

19 comments:

  1. Anonymous3:43 PM

    There are not enough psychedelic drugs IN THE WORLD to get me to watch that movie.

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  2. As the mother of two small children I have seen some advertising for this and hope to GOD that my children do not.

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  3. Emily4:18 PM

    I hope they threw truckloads of money at everyone involved.

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  4. Anonymous5:31 PM

    I have been obsessed with the ads for this movie for weeks.  The best part, which the above summary doesn't mention, is that the Oogieloves' friend J. Edgar LOST said balloons, which is why the Oogieloves have to go searching for them.  J Edgar is a Hoover vacuum.  AMAZING.

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  5. bella wilfer5:35 PM

    Above was me.

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  6. Squid6:12 PM

    Are Lovelyloveville and Lonelyloveville two different places, or is it just strong drink making it seem that way?

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  7. Benner6:26 PM

    You mean to get you to sit through that movie, or to make that particular movie appear to you while you're watching "Terms of Endearment?"

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  8. They would be, but I typoed.  Lovelyloveville is the locale in this movie.  Lonelyloveville is where my romantic life currently resides.

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  9. Joseph Finn7:24 PM

    "I'm not made of stone!"

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  10. Eric J.7:51 PM

    I'm just glad to see Sam and Criminy Kraffft back together again and entertaining children after all of these years.


    http://www.youtube.com/v/FHqcNj0Pv6c" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" width="170" height="140

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  11. carried9:04 AM

    Seriously.  Yet another reason to not have cable and get all your kids programming from Netflix and/or PBS kids - it greatly decreases the odd that they will accidently be exposed to this advertisement (see also, making sure they don't get into Barney).

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  12. victoria11:48 AM

    Wow, I'm so glad that the only movie I've seen in the last bazillion years was "Moonrise Kingdom," and I'm guessing this would've been a pretty odd fit for that demographic.

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  13. Philosophical question: If a sombrero is shaped like a hovercraft, is it still a sombrero?  Or are you just walking around with a hovercraft on your head?  And if it's on your head, can you even call it a HOVERcraft, or would it need to be hovering above your head for that to be an accurate description.

    I will only see this movie (a) at gunpoint and (b) if Chazz Palmintieri really is playing the cow.  Otherwise, I'll just take a bullet.

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  14. Oh.  And how the HELL did this thing get green-lit?  Was that paragraph anything like the pitch?  Getting a movie made is hard, y'all, even when you have a really great idea.  I can only assume that drugs and/or blackmail were involved.

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  15. Jim Bell2:56 PM

    Heartbreak Hotel.  They get so lonely..they pray to die.

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  16. Jim Bell3:09 PM

    The casting couch is hard and cold and made of some kind of cheap leather.

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  17. But on the bright side, the casting couch is in Lovelyloveville.

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  18. According to Box Office Mojo, this film had a per screen of $47 on opening day.  At an average of $6/ticket, that means approximately 8 people bought a ticket to the movie on each screen it was playing on.  Not each show.  Each screen.

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  19. Marsha12:48 PM

    And according to A/V Club, it made only $601K all weekend, the WORST wide-release opening in history. Each theater took in an average of $278 in ticket sales for the weekend. Total gross so far of $827K, for a movie that cost $20M.

    Which goes to show that there are exceptions to the rule that no one ever went broke underestimating the intelligence American public. There's hope for us yet.

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