Tuesday, December 3, 2013

THE SUBSTITUTER: The forty-four worst people in every restaurant.

15 comments:

  1. Marsha10:56 AM

    For a second I thought that last one said Alan RICKman, and I was prepared to get all huffy. But then I re-read, and the world righted itself.

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  2. Governor Squid11:09 AM

    I think we should examine the culture of privilege that permeates this entire list.

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  3. Maggie11:35 AM

    I'm frustrated at the inclusion of "Sad Solo Diner" in a list of the 44 "worst" people in a restaurant. Just because I'm eating by myself, I'm being lumped in with constant instagrammers, undertippers and other obnoxious restaurant goers simply because I've decided to enjoy a meal without reading or checking my phone? I dine solo with some frequency - often with the company of reading material but sometime not - I'm very rarely "sad" to be enjoying a meal on my own.

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  4. Tosy and Cosh1:33 PM

    Agree that eating alone is fine, and that not reading while you do just as fine, but for me personally the thought of eating alone without reading material gives me the shivers. But then having alone time without reading material in any situation makes me antsy. ;)

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  5. I admit that I am what must be #45: The Indecisive Menu-reader.

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  6. I am the "No Mayo Fanatic." The guy who appends "no mayo" to every order regardless of the implausibility of mayo being added to a particular dish ("I'll have coffee, and the blueberry pancakes, no mayo.") and may even make multiple requests ("The chicken sandwich, no mayo." [Dining companion proceeds to make a complicated order, ensuring that the waiter, who isn't writing anything down, will forget.] "Uh, I said no mayo on my chicken sandwich, right? Thanks, just wanted to make sure.").

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  7. Sophietje3:15 PM

    Yes, that should definitely be on the list... :) "I'm not sure yet. Could you please come back in a few minutes?" fills me with dread. I am rarely out to dinner (or lunch) without some sort of time crunch, so this simple request almost guarantees that my 1 hour lunch break will need to be 1.5 hours.

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  8. Sophietje3:17 PM

    All this talk of mayo has made me incredibly hungry for deviled eggs, chicken salad, etc. All with extra mayo.

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  9. Genevieve3:25 PM

    I sometimes dine with someone who overshares personal info with waitstaff, gets offended when a desired dish includes an ingredient the person doesn't eat, and makes disgusted faces when a wine is suggested that is not to the person's liking (a.k.a. "Zinfandel Face").
    I always forget until we get to the restaurant that these things are likely to happen.

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  10. If you changed "mayo" to "mushrooms," I'm right there with you, my friend. (As you know, I'm the same way about mayo, but less paranoid about it -- I only mention it for sandwiches.)

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  11. Adam B.4:05 PM

    For my mom, it's the "it's not spicy, is it?" query.

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  12. That's my wife. Even when she knows that the server's concept of "spicy" is virtually guaranteed to be radically different from hers.

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  13. bill.5:21 PM

    The Sad Solo Diner was worth to set up the The Cigarette Break Girl/Guy joke

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  14. The Pathetic Earthling6:08 PM

    You and me both. It is a vile substance. It may in fact be the worst thing since the Biafra Genocide.

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  15. Karen Peters11:22 PM

    I learned to not fear eating alone with I moved to NYC. I didn't know a soul, I lived in a place without a kitchen and had so many places I wanted to try. So I did, and nobody ever made a fuss (pre-cell phone era, I always had a book). I still enjoy eating alone - I'll sometimes take myself out to a "business lunch" to work on a project or catch up on work-reading. There are also several places in Portland that are easier to get into solo, and I enjoy swooping past the groups to take my spot at the counter. :-)

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