Sunday, October 19, 2014

IT IMPROVES ANYTHING:  After being reminded of the Greatest Movie Twist of Our Time, it's time to ask how TV shows can be improved with the addition of one simple thing:  SECRET DWARF HOOKER!
  • Two and A Half Men--It's widely reported that the final season of the show will revolve around Alan and Walden attempting to adopt a child.  Well, turns out it's not a child.  It's a SECRET DWARF HOOKER (who looks oddly like Charlie Sheen).
  • Two Broke Girls--It's revealed that Han is actually a SECRET DWARF HOOKER.  He murders all the other characters.  The show ends.
  • Bad Judge--It turns out the child who Bad Judge has taken under her wing? Actually a SECRET DWARF HOOKER!  (Also applicable to About A Boy SECRET DWARF HOOKER.)
  • The Mysteries of Laura--Her hell raising kids?  Not actually kids, but SECRET DWARF HOOKERS!
  • Reign--Who needs Hunky Nostradamus when you've got SECRET DWARF HOOKER posing as one of the Ladies In Waiting?
  • Once Upon A Time--He's not Grumpy.  He's SECRET DWARF HOOKER!
  • The Blacklist--Red takes on his most fearsome enemy.  SECRET DWARF HOOKER!
  • NCIS: Secret Dwarf Hooker--Self Explanatory.
  • Nashville--An adorable moppet tries to seize the throne of Nashville from Rayna and Juliette while holding a deadly secret.  You guessed it--SECRET DWARF HOOKER!
  • American Horror Story: Secret Dwarf Hooker--Let's not give Ryan Murphy any ideas, OK?


  1. I respect how much time and effort you put into this. I suspect some shows were left off only because you don't watch them!
    The 100 -- Obvs, one of the kids is a SECRET DWARF HOOKER who is trying to reestablish her career back on earth.
    How To Get Away With Murder --- Do I really even have to spell this one out?
    Gotham -- there's still a chance for them to implement this plotline in a completely believable (for Gotham) way.
    L&O: SVU -- are we sure they haven't already done this yet?

  2. Sadly, Vulture informs us in an update, not actually a former prostitute. Gawker, being Gawker, never made the correction.

  3. Benner10:38 AM

    Iron Chef America: Secret Dwarf Hooker! (contestant? secret ingredient? yes).

  4. kdbart11:55 AM

    Dick Whitman was a secret dwarf hooker!!!!

  5. bellawilfer2:51 PM

    This made me LOL several times. Great work.