EGOT RED ALERT:  You know how we like to fake-cast Anne Hathaway and NPH in every Broadway role possible?  Because this fall, Anne Hathaway really is going to star alongside Alan Cumming in a Broadway revival of Cabaret.

(This also raises questions as to Season 5 of The Good Wife, for what it's worth.)

ONLY ONE "MAGIC WAND" JOKE IN ARTICLE: There are plenty of sites that truth-squad the NYT news and editorial sections. However, we're here to truth-squad the Arts and Leisure section. Today's article about Daniel Radcliffe in the West End production of Equus provides us with ample truth-squadding opportunities. The NYT does ask why exactly parents are taking 12 and 14 year olds to a play featuring extensive nudity and sexual violence, but what particularly drew my attention was this comparison:

It is as jarring as if, say, Anne Hathaway suddenly announced that instead of playing sweet-natured princesses and fashion-world ingénues, she wanted to appear onstage as a nude, murderous prostitute.

Two issues immediately surged to mind with the comparison:

1. Radcliffe is 17. Hathaway is 24. Obviously, the age makes a difference here, at least under U.S. law and standards.
2. While Hathaway has not played a "nude, murderous prostitute" on stage, she's doffed her clothes on screen at least twice (here and here), so her doing so again would be less than shocking.

Isn't a better comparison Hilary Duff or one of the stars of High School Musical?

I AM SHIVA THE DESTROYER, YOUR HARBINGER OF DOOM THIS EVENING: Rachel Getting Married combines so many of this blog's interests -- Tamyra Gray, proper dishwasher loading techniques, Elvis Stojko, people who should see In Her Shoes and, of course, Anne Hathaway -- that I'm surprised it took me until today to see it.

To merely call it "well-written" undersells just how perfectly and subtly Jenny Lumet's screenplay reveals this damaged family in all its pain and joy, and I cannot say enough about Hathaway's brittle, bitter, true performance. There's a shot -- when they're cutting the cake -- that just floored me, and this film is just full of magical little touches, unforced moments of recognition, of brilliance, pain and occasional beauty.

[Go back to our August 2004 initial discussion of Hathaway, when the question was whether she, Julia Stiles, Kirsten Dunst, Hillary Duff, Keira Knightley or someone else was most likely to be the next Julia Roberts-level star. Right now, she's winning.]

There are filmmakers who focus on dysfunction -- I'm thinking of Todd Solondz and Noah Baumbach -- whose goal is to make the viewer uncomfortable, to squirm in the face of all that awfulness. Jonathan Demme's goals are different, his heart is larger and this film is so much more rewarding as a result. Highly recommended.

TOO BIG AND TOO LITTLE: Wanted to talk a little bit about two Best Picture nominees and how their problems are mirror images of each other.  The first is Life of Pi, which I saw tonight (had wanted to see Zero Dark Thirty, but the showtime I wanted was sold out even though I got there an hour early).  Without spoiling anything, it's safe to say that well over half of the movie takes place on a lifeboat with one human character, and is ultimately a pretty small story.  That's not inherently a bad thing--indeed, Robert Zemeckis and Tom Hanks did pretty well with a similarly constrained storytelling tool for Cast Away.  However, what Lee (partially in a desire to be faithful to the source material) tries to do is make this story have gigantic cosmological implications, with massive CGI fantasy sequences.  He's not exactly helped along by Suraj Sharma, the unknown playing Pi, who isn't really a commanding screen presence.  A lot of the imagery in the film is gorgeous (and having seen it in 3D, I can see why several critics said to see it that way), but it left me feeling like it tried too hard.

On the other hand, there's Les Mis.  Les Mis is a pretty damn epic story, spanning almost 20 years of major French historical events, massive casualties, sweeping love stories, and the like.  However, for the vast majority of the film, the decision's been made to present things in a series of close-ups rather than a broader, more epic standpoint.  I'll be the first to admit that there are times this approach pays dividends--Anne Hathaway is going to win an Oscar off a rendition of "I Dreamed A Dream" that was only possible through the decision to focus in on Fantine's personal pain in that moment rather than the more epic scope that song has traditionally been given.  However, moments that should have more sweep--"One Day More" and "Red and Black" in particular--wind up becoming so intimate that we don't get the broader importance.  Admittedly, the choice to hold back on something sweeping until the finale does help give the finale a little more punch, but I wonder if the film would have been stronger with more evenness in scope and emotion.

FWIW, my current best picture rankings are probably Argo>Lincoln>Silver Linings Playbook>Les Mis>Life of Pi, with 4 left to see (Zero Dark Thirty will definitely be seen, Django and Beasts of the Southern Wild probably will be, but I'm not sure I can manage Amour)--though I'd go Day-Lewis/Lawrence/Arkin/Hathaway on the acting ballot as of now.

TRUST ISSUES! I'VE BEEN TRUSTWORTHY FOR ALMOST 1500 DAYS NOW: Do read this year's Newsweek Oscars roundtable with Mickey Rourke, RDJ, Brad Pitt. Anne Hathaway, Frank Langella and Sally Hawkins. It. Is. A. Hoot:

LANGELLA: ...Did everybody know since 5 or 6 or 7 that they wanted to be an actor?

PITT: No, not a clue. Where I grew up, it wasn't an option.

LANGELLA: Where did you grow up?

PITT: Oklahoma and then Missouri. Two weeks before college graduation, I saw everyone signing up to go away and do their jobs. I was not even close to being ready. I realized I had a love for film. It hit me one night. I'm 22, I had no money, so I did two weeks of work, made a couple hundred bucks, loaded up the car and moved to Beverly—actually, Burbank. I was doing extra work in about a week. I was thrilled just to be on a movie set. In fact, I was an extra on your movie "Less Than Zero."

DOWNEY: Dude, somebody told me that and I said it can't be true. That party scene was 22 years ago. If I knew you were there, I'd make you be part of the movie. He's over there! Look at him!

PITT: I was an extra for a year and a half. I even got a job on "Dallas," and went back and did extra work on that because I hadn't been on a movie.

HATHAWAY: You just made every single actor in Los Angeles very happy with that story. I was an extra in a Burger King commercial when I was 15. I had bronchitis, but I wanted to act so badly.

HAWKINS: I was an extra in "The Phantom Menace." I'm repeated in a crowd scene about 10 times with Jar Jar Binks.

Find out what it means for RDJ to hit "Yoo-Hoo Status".

WILL IT FEATURE THE B SHARPS AND HERE COMES TREBLE? Jason Moore, best known for directing "Avenue Q" and "Shrek The Musical," as well as directing episodes of Everwood and Brothers and Sisters will make his feature debut with Pitch Perfect, "a musical comedy set in the world of college a cappella groups" produced by Elizabeth Banks and her husband, with a screenplay from Kay Cannon (who wrote the "Jackie Jormp-Jomp" episode of 30 Rock). I'm quite sure that alone has already sold many of y'all tickets--but who (aside from NPH and Anne Hathaway) needs to appear in this movie?

BEING AN ACTOR'S NO DIFFERENT THAN BEING A RUGBY PLAYER OR CONSTRUCTION WORKER, SAVE FOR THE FACT THAT MY TOOLS ARE THE MECHANISMS WHICH TRIGGER HUMAN EMOTION:  The NYMag folks did a lot of math (and employed not-much subjectivity) to determine who the 100 most valuable movie stars are in Hollywood these days, with some neat tools to re-weigh the criteria employed, and best of all it's not a slideshow.

(Too high: Daniel Radcliffe, Jonah Hill. Too low: Tom Hanks, Anne Hathaway. Oddly missing: Samuel L. Jackson.)

David Bowie, Life on mars? | Songza

NEVER TELL ME THE ODDS! You could excuse Anne Hathaway, Melissa Leo, and Angelina Jolie for channeling their inner Han Solo after learning that Nate Silver, he of fivethirtyeight.com fame, has pegged their chances of walking away with a Best Actress statuette as 0.0%. Silver's picks for the top categories are Kate Winslet (beating our Meryl Streep 67.6% to 32.4%) Mickey Rourke (easily besting Sean Penn), Slumdog Millionaire in a rout, Danny Boyle likewise in a romp, Heath Ledger and Taraji P. Henson.

In other Oscar news, the Chicago Tribune's Mark Caro has a fun list of 10 reasons you should watch this year's broadcast (as if readers of this site need reasons). Savvy ALOTT5MAers will note that Caro's No. 10 reason ("No matter how long, predictable and dull any Oscarcast may be, one element always delivers the goods: the death montage! Which recently deceased Hollywood figure will get the loudest tacky applause? Wanna know? Watch the show!") is sadly a moot point.

And speaking of montages, here's MTV’s Movies Editor Josh Horowitz channeling his inner Billy Crystal as he takes a trip through some of this year's Oscar contenders.

Finally, if you haven't seen it yet, Roger Ebert offers a touching rememberance of his friend and co-host Gene Siskel on the 10-year anniversary of the skinny one's untimely passing.

Plus, don't forget to be here Oscar night for liveblogging of the Oscar festivities. The fun begins at 7 pm EST.

MARCH MADNESS, THE SQUEAKQUEL: In an apparent effort to democratize its Sexiest Woman Alive franchise, Esquire is running its own bracket of races, with four "divisions" (music and fashion, television, sports, and movies)-- a few matchups of note:

• Alessandria Ambrosio (2 seed) v. Miranda Kerr (15 seed)--A legit shot for a 15/2 upset there, I think.
• Blake Lively (1 seed) v. Heidi Klum (16 seed)--Lively has a tough road for a top seed, given how tough the "region" is, potentially having to beat out 8 seed Minka Kelly, and 4 seed Christina Hendricks as well as Klum just to make it to the Elite 8.
• Christina Hendricks (4 seed) v. January Jones (13 seed)
• Anne Hathaway (8 seed) v. Rachel McAdams (9 seed)--these two have a tough first round matchup, but then face the winner of Megan Fox/Helen Mirren, which could lead to a #1 being bounced early.
• The other two top seeds are Beyonce and Natalie Gulbis.
  

This seems worthy of serious bracketology analysis.

IDLE MUSINGS:  This actual season of American Idol, at the moment, isn't nearly as interesting for me as the discussion/mock draft Bill Simmons hosted on the B.S. Report this week: if you had an unlimited budget, and the people you ask would say yes, what's your dream American Idol judging panel?  Timberlake-Madonna-Prince, anyone?  Harry Connick Jr-Stevie Wonder-Cyndi Lauper?

[Yes, Isaac, you can pick NPR NPH and Anne Hathaway.]

APPARENTLY LIV TYLER NEEDS FREE PRESS MORE THAN JEN GARNER DOES: Three episodes into the new season of The Rachel Zoe Project, and it feels like the show has really hit its stride vis-à-vis last year. These first few eps have been really tight -- there's a situation, the situation presents issues needing to be resolved, there's some drama surrounding the resolution, and the issue is resolved. Less of Taylor whining about Brad and more of the clothes and the styling -- these are good developments!

This may just be my own bias, but I am hoping that as the season progresses, we'll get more of the "Liv Tyler needs an everyday wardrobe" stuff. The red carpet dress selection process is fun as far as it goes, but it seems to be more about access to great dresses (not to mention access to designers who are willing to indulge Rachel's whims about possible reworkings) than about exceptional personal styling. I am actually getting more of a kick out of seeing how Rachel styles herself than I am out of seeing her figure out which ballgown Anne Hathaway should wear when she chats with Joan Rivers.

Who's watching?

WE CAN STOP:  Hank and Marie watch the VMAs.

Let's be clear: there's nothing "shocking" about a female performer (whether singer or actress) choosing to go all sexual to prove she's all grown up, whether it's Olivia Newton-John's long trek from Sandra Dee to getting "Physical," Anne Hathaway in Havoc and Katie Holmes in The Gift, or the multi-car train wreck which remains Britney Spears' career despite Isaac's love for "Toxic". This is a path which pop culture lays out fairly plainly for women in entertainment, and those who follow it tend to get the bargained-for results.

[Speaking of which: it wasn't a "train wreck" either -- Cyrus did exactly what the choreography called for, and elicited the desired media cataclysm in which I'm now participating. If you want to see a languid train wreck, watch Spears at the 2007 VMAs.]

Let's save terms like "controversial" and "shocking" for when they're deserved: Sinead O'Connor's or Elvis Costello's SNL performances, Dylan at Newport, RuPaul's vicious undermining of Milton Berle at the 1993 VMAs (because of an off-stage slight), etc., performances which actually challenged audiences. Sunday night was a nontroversy.

AND THEY SAY REALITY SHOWS NEVER LEAD TO ANYTHING GOOD: Two pieces of New York theatrical casting news that may be of interest:

• Grease: You're The One That I Want winner Laura Osnes will replace Kelli O'Hara during O'Hara's 7 month maternity leave from the much lauded Lincoln Center South Pacific.
• This year's big Shakespeare in the Park production will be Twelfth Night starring Anne Hathaway as Viola.

WHY, I'D CUT OFF MY RIGHT ARM TO GET THAT GIG!  Next year's Academy Awards will be hosted by Anne Hathaway and James Franco.  If it's like recent years, you'll see a lot of them in the first half-hour and then they'll disappear because the show has fallen hopelessly behind schedule.   I'm sure they'll both be charming, but this doesn't much matter.

I'D LIKE TO THANK THESE PEOPLE: The Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences has invited 134 new members to join its ranks. Among notables who have been invited on the acting side are Anne Hathaway, Seth Rogen, Michael Cera, and Hugh Jackman. Directors include the overdue Danny Boyle and Henry Selick, and a pair of "Huh?" inducers--David Frankel (Devil Wears Prada and Marley and Me are his only film credits) and Tyler Perry.

NUMBER 17 -- KAL PENN: Between New York Magazine and Daily Fill, an interesting list of sixteen people who've never hosted SNL but should, starting with the glaring absence of Julia Roberts.

[FWIW, as much as I like their Craig Robinson suggestion, why not increase it to the whole supporting cast of The Office -- or at least some subset of Brian Baumgartner, Leslie David Baker, Phyllis Smith, Mindy Kaling, Paul Lieberstein, Creed Bratton and Kate Flannery.]

[Weird note: of twenty episodes completed or scheduled for this season, only three female hosts -- Anna Faris, Anne Hathaway and Rosario Dawson.]

THEY DO OVERLOOK THAT HE WAS THE BOMB IN PHANTOMS:We speculated about EW's Entertainer of the Year a couple of weeks ago and turns out we were all wrong.  For reinventing his career (as embodied by his direction of and performance in Argo), your Entertainer of the Year?  Ben Affleck.

ETA:  The full list includes a number of folks we speculated about--Channing Tatum, Joss Whedon, Jennifer Lawrence, Seth MacFarlane--a few we should have expected--the cast of Homeland, Anne Hathaway, Joseph Gordon-Levitt--and an interesting surprise choice in Kerry Washington.

IT WILL BE CHANGED....FOR GOOD: Allegedly in the running to direct Wicked: The Movie Musical? J.J. Abrams, James Mangold (Knight and Day, Walk The Line), Ryan Murphy, and Rob Marshall. Somewhere, there's a Glee fan erupting with the idea of Lea Michele (who could sing the part) as Elphaba and Dianna Agron (who couldn't) as Galinda. And while Chenoweth and Menzel were great in the original production, I think Rent taught us well that this is perhaps not a wise choice for characters who are supposed to be quite young. So, who do you cast (Nikki Finke's commenters seem to push heavily an Anne Hathaway/Amanda Seyfried pairing), and who should direct?

THAT RHYMES WITH P, AND THAT STANDS FOR POOL:  Apparently, at upfronts this morning, NBC announced that after Peter Pan: Live!, their next live musical will be The Music Man.  For once, NPH/Anne Hathaway is actually plausible, but let's try and be a little more innovative.  (Cristin Milioti as Marian, especially since she's got an NBC sitcom in the fall?)

TO BE EMBEDDED IN ALOTT5MA SOURCE CODE:

10 IF ("musical" + "cast" + ("she" or "her")) THEN GO TO 40
20 IF ("musical" + "cast" + ("he" or "him")) THEN GO TO 60
30 GO TO 80
40 PRINT "Anne Hathaway"
50 GO TO 20
60 PRINT "NPH"
70 GO TO 80
80 END
RUN

This may save you all some time.