KITCHY-KITCHY YA YA YA YA: Fred App posed a fair question after the last Idol results show: is Disco Night really the right way to go from the top seven to the top five? Disco is not a singer's medium – it is the music that accompanies you while you enjoy a different activity (dancing). It’s the opposite of Idol's "sit on your couch and watch me sing" model. The most plausible response is that Idol likens its audience to the people who watched Fear Factor (and who gave William Hung his 15 minutes). Like Adam says, Idol does only what's right for Idol, so it must have figured out that people will tune in if you promise them a gruesome spectacle. Yet there is a fairness to Disco Night. These contestants want to be professional musicians. Is it too much to ask that they be able to choose from a limited menu of completely inappropriate songs and rejigger them into something that people want to hear? (Ricky Minor will be no help here.) Sure, that gives people with practice songwriting, arranging, and playing their own instruments an advantage, but it's crazy to think that there's something wrong with that in a musical contest. I'm no disco fan, but presumably anybody who can't mine something worth singing out of whatever crap the Idol producers clear doesn't deserve to last another week. So we propose:
Giraud:
This is a tough week for the guys out there. Here’s a thought for Matt: maybe this is more funk than disco, but I’m finding sufficient refererences to “disco-funk” to support my suggestion of “You Dropped a Bomb on Me” for Matt. Let the backup singers do the actual bombdropping, and Matt can do all his bluesy funky riffing on all the other stuff. Might suck, might work. And if anyone on the show could maybe pull off the Dana Whitaker special, I think it might be Matt who could bring a rockin’ “Boogie Shoes.” -- Kim
This week is so far from his bailiwick. "Can't Get Enough of Your Love, Babe," I guess, but I don't like his chances. I'm guessing he's not going to do the Cake cover of "I Will Survive." -- Adam
I don't know, "Can't Get Enough of Your Love"? (For a change of pace, Afghan Whigs version.) I'm trying to give him something without sustained notes, so he can avoid his bleating vibrato. Giraud is somebody who would benefit from really reworking an unexpected song, because I just can't see him busting out of the bottom two with a faithful rendition of anything that can colorably be called disco. -- Isaac
Rounds:
This night a genre saved her life; if she can't ace this week, she ought to go home. Take your pick -- I'll go with "Lady Marmalade." Anything but "Last Dance", under Adam's Song Choice Rule #3: don't pick something that's too ironic or on-point as a farewell song. -- Adam
Adam's pick of "Lady Marmalade" is a good one -- I loved the version by the Wee Prostitutes, especially when Xtina came in and just started yelling like bitch poured beer in her weave. As with everything else Rounds does, though, it's going to pale in comparison to a version we know. But what are her choices? Mostly stuff that would be funny if she were (or when she is) eliminated, like, as Adam said, "Last Dance," or "I Will Survive" or "Never Can Say Goodbye." Rounds, by the way, has never shown a shred of inventiveness -- she has done everything straight up, which is danger this week. -- Isaac
Same comments as everyone else regarding Last Dance, of course (I cannot hear the song without envisioning my white roller skates with the purple pompoms and the dimmed lights at United Skates of America during the slow part of the song). I think she’s toast tonight if she can’t find some way to distinguish herself from the pack. This suggestion won’t be the way to do it, but here’s one that hasn’t been suggested for her – “Dim All the Lights.” -- Kim
Desai:
I have no idea. “Don’t Take Away the Music”? I’m kind of yawning just thinking about it, but I’m not coming up with anything better. -- Kim
He's going to want to tap into his falsetto, and I don't think he wants to dance. I guess it's a lock that he'll want one of the slower Bee Gees songs. "Too Much Heaven" might be a good song for him. It gives him the opportunity to stand with his legs at shoulder width (knees slightly bent -- don't want to faint) and hold the mic to his mouth with his right hand while he raises his left. His pleading eyes and bullying eyebrow will almost distract you from the bead of flop sweat on his quivering upper lip. -- Isaac
In trouble, because he can't really dance. It's time for low-key Crooner Anoop again -- "To Love Somebody," wearing one of those douchey cardigans? -- Adam
Iraheta:
I'll be extremely disappointed if she doesn't do Donna Summer's "Bad Girls," and I'll be equally disappointed if it is not choreographed and costumed exactly like in the Donna Summer Special. Incidentally, it's fashionable to complain about how trashy our current culture is. 30 years ago Donna Summer had a prime-time network variety special featuring hookers having back-seat sex with cops. She also recorded a song that was nothing but her faking an orgasm. -- Isaac
Disco night is a lot easier for women than for men; there are so many diva songs of the era for them to belt on. Diana DeGarmo had one of her best nights with "No More Tears (Enough Is Enough)"; Allison can do it even better. It's hard for her to go wrong this week; she just had to do a crowd-pleaser that keeps her away from the bottom. -- Adam
She’s starting to bore me (ah, the perils of consistency), but this is probably not the week for her to change things up. “Knock on Wood”? -- Kim
Allen:
I feel like all my suggestions for Kris start out with “how about a solo acoustic version of . . . “ and this week will be no different. How about a solo acoustic version of “MacArthur Park”? -- Kim
Bee Gees. Must be Bee Gees. "Nights On Broadway" or "To Love Somebody" would be fine; anything requiring him to dance isn't. -- Adam
I have no ideas at all, none, so this might be a good time to mention that I apparently can recognize the choruses of only about 25 disco songs (none appropriate for Allen), and for most of them I don't even know if they have verses. Like it could just be that irritating disco high-hat and a bass and a couple of people chatting in French about the latest general strike, and then suddenly: "DISCO … DISCO DUCK!" For the record, I am not advocating that Allen do "Disco Duck." Yet by the process of elimination of disco songs I know and have already assigned to others, I am. -- Isaac
Hokey/RDJJ:
Has sung three ballads in a row. Make it stop, have some fun. He can't screw up "Everlasting Love." -- Adam
Up-tempo, up-tempo, up-tempo. I like Adam’s choice, “Everlasting Love.” Who doesn’t like that song? He sings well enough that he shouldn’t mangle it like, say, Scott Savol or Jasmine Trias. And it will give him plenty of opportunity to do his little lateral “I know how to work the mike properly” microphone move that is starting to piss me off with its preciousness. (He could also do “Boogie Shoes,” but I’m offering it to Matt instead so that I don’t give all my fun growly ideas to Danny just because I like him better.) -- Kim
I think Gokey will zero in on something recognizable, uptempo, and safe, since he has no incentive to do anything other than survive this horrible week. Something very Greatest Hits of Disco. "Stayin' Alive" would make sense, or "If I Can't Have You." I really want him to do a 3:4 "Disco Inferno," but I know that's not possible. -- Isaac
The Lambert:
It's an easy week for him, except that it isn't: he can't re-do the same style in which he did "Play That Funky Music" (it's easy to imagine his "Funkytown," say), or "To Love Somebody" in the stripped-down way he did "Tracks of My Tears". On the other hand, I'm assuming that the producers' (and possibly his own) desire to keep the lid on explicit discussions of his sexuality keep The Village People, "I'm Coming Out," "It's Raining Men" etc. out of play. So, um, "Don't Leave Me This Way". Why? Communards! -- Adam
I realize this is his falsetto week, but I think for disco night he'll switch it up and do two belters in a row. If Rounds doesn't do "Marmalade," he should (or: I'd rather hear him do "Marmalade" than Rounds, and I'm not a Lambert fan). If not that, I can completely hear him doing "I Love the Nightlife," especially the end of the chorus. Lambert is a man who lives for the "oh yeahs" in "I Love the Nightlife." I'm guessing that he loves the nightlife. Incidentally, I disagree with Adam -- I see no evidence that Idol would try to censor him if he wanted to do an overtly gay anthem; I just don't think that kitsch like "It's Raining Men" is where Adam wants to be as an artist or performer this deep in the competition. It's been a long time since did that Cher song.-- Isaac
I don’t want any of us to be right – I, like many people, am deriving 95% of my enjoyment this season out of hearing what Adam comes up with week after week. However, focusing on the what-I’d-like-to-hear-him-sing angle: “Don’t Leave Me This Way,” with a nice slow open before the tempo picks up into full-on dance party mode. But I agree with Isaac – this probably isn’t the week for him to slow things down – do we really need to hear him do his riff on one of those yawny ballads from the Brothers Gibb? -- Kim
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