I SUPPOSE IT'S IMPOSSIBLE FOR HELEN KUSHNICK TO HAVE PLANTED THE LATTER STORY: More TCA News -- Bravo has officially announced the Top Chef: People Who Can Actually Make Desserts spinoff (to be hosted by Gail Simmons), with Top Chef Masters II starting on April 7. In other news (possibly regarded as spoiler to some regarding a beloved NBC sitcom, so highlight the blank spaces), Kathy Bates will be joining The Office for a multi-episode arc as the head of the secretive company which takes over Dunder Mifflin.

THE 'X' DOES NOT STAND FOR XTINA: So, you may be wondering, what distinguishes X-Factor from American Idol? Based on my conversations with friends who've spent time in the UK and osmosis over the years, here's the basics:

• Eligibility is broader, including older singers and singing groups. That said, a group has never won the competition, nor has an over-24 performer since the show's first season in 2004. This, not Pop Idol, is the one Leona Lewis won.
  
• Audition rounds may be held in front of live audiences instead of in a private room.
  
• Judges play a more active role in the process and take ownership over various groups of performers -- one judge will mentor the ladies under 24, another the under-24 men, another the older performers and one for the singing groups. After the X-equivalent of the Hollywood Round, there's a series of episodes where the judges put their own groups through a sort of boot camp at luxurious remote locations, honing their skills. Each judge eliminates half his/her assigned performers, bringing us down to 12 acts for the live performance rounds.
• Accordingly, the coaches have an explicit rooting interest in their people when it comes to the live performance rounds -- they lobby for and defend their mentees, and there's no pretense of impartiality.
• Performance rounds may involve backup dancers.
• A member of the Minogue family may judge.
  
• Eliminations are different -- public vote reduces it to a bottom two each week; they perform again; judges decide who goes home. If the four judges tie, then the public vote decides it.
  
• At the completion of the series, full voting results for each week (including percentages) are released.
• But otherwise, it's a lot like Idol.
  

GUESS WHO'S HERE TO TALK ABOUT THE PAST? Mark McGwire admits to using human growth hormone and steroids during his career.

I DON'T THINK THOSE WORDS MEAN WHAT YOU THINK THEY MEAN: Fox's big executive session at TCA Press Tour is about to begin, which means we could have big news shortly (Cowell leaving Idol for a U.S. version of X-Factor and a potential resolution to As Conan's Head Spins are the most likely big stories), but until then, let's follow what Linda Holmes has informed us is "Incredibly Significant Breaking News"--Bradley Whitford (the West Wing actor, not the Aerosmith member) has a bitchin' 'stache. (Better picture, via Sepinwall.)

ETA: No Conan news, but yes, this will be the last Cowell-driven season of Idol, with X-Factor to arrive on US shores in 2011. Idol is (apparently) planned to stay on Fox, though not sure who Simon's replacement will be (or if there will be one). Also, Idol and X-Factor will air in different segments of the year. Right now, I think we have to assume Idol for Fall 2010, and X-Factor for Spring 2011, since Cowell is committed to X-Factor in the UK in Fall 2010.

THE SEARCH FOR THE NEXT LEA MICHELE: Not only has Glee gotten an early pickup for a second season, but Fox is trying something new--three new cast members will be added to the already large cast, through a nationwide search that will become a reality show that somehow crosses Idol with Search For The Next Elle Woods. I see a serious problem with keeping the result under wraps, since the new characters will debut on the Season 2 premiere, which will be filming by the time the reality show airs. No word on a potential summer tour, which I'm sure would sell more than a few tickets to you, readers.

DEAR AMERICA, WE SWEAR OUR PIZZA DOESN'T SUCK ANYMORE: There are a lot of ways to evaluate the new Domino's "pizza turnaround" campaign, but how's this -- what message does "we're sorry we were serving you ketchup on top of cardboard all these years" convey to the people who were loyal to the brand before?

In related news, as good as our neighbors at Pizzeria Stella are, we hit Tacconelli's in Moorestown last night, and it may be better. Excellent charring on the thin crust, and our white pie with shrimp and sausage was transcendent.

added: Slate's Seth Stevenson:

Of course it seems risky for a brand to go negative on itself. But imagine if Domino's had spent two years and tens of millions of dollars reformulating its pizza (which it did), and then launched the revamped pie with a simple "new and improved" spot. A "We took our great pizza and made it even yummier!" kind of ad. Would anyone notice? Would anyone talk or tweet about the fact that the Domino's recipe had been altered? "Google the words new and improved," says Domino's chief marketing officer Russell Weiner, "and I think you'll get about 160 million hits. They're two of the more overused words in marketing. They've become wallpaper."

YOU'RE THE SHIT AND I'M KNEE-DEEP IN IT: It amuses me that (1) Chuck has now used three songs from Frightened Rabbit's Midnight Organ Fight to punch up big emotional moments; (2) 67% of those songs have featured prominent, difficult to circumvent profanity; and (3) they went ahead and used that profanity, unbleeped, repeatedly, this episode.

Did Chuck just break the 9:00 network shit barrier?