I REGRET WE NEVER HAD AN @IDOLGOATGIRL FEED:  If you want to know how my Idol tier analysis is going to come out, looking at the contestants' Twitter follower stats (as of last Monday) will not steer you wrong:

Casey Abrams: 28,686
Scotty McCreery: 28,301
Paul McDonald: 23,978
Lauren Alaina: 20,530
Thia Megia: 20,120
Pia Toscano: 18,940
James Durbin: 18,477
Stefano Langone: 16,727 (wild card)
Jacob Lusk: 11,208
Haley Reinhart: 10,048 (Bottom 3 last week)
Karen Rodriguez: 10,047 (Bottom 3 last Week)
Naima Adedapo: 9,322 (wild card)
Ashthon Jones: 6,629 (wild card, voted off last Thursday)

DON'T TAKE THIS OFFENSIVELY: Asians in libraries is so played out. Here are some other offensive stereotypes* you might want to use instead:

• Swedes on escalators
• Blind people at funerals
• Nicaraguans in candy stores
• Historians at the Department of Motor Vehicles
• Namibians in Zambia
• French Guyanans in line for concert tickets
• Neo-Calvinists in pottery classes
• Youth in dungarees

*I'm not talking about my friends. I'm only talking about people I don't know.

I HAD A COWD IN MY NOSE: As someone who's finishing getting over a cold, as always, I must sing the praises of Vicks VapoRub as an easy and effective way of dealing with some of a cold's more sleep-depriving symptoms and helping clear up that congestion, but wanted to note two innovations in VapoRub technology--one praiseworthy and one utterly confusing:

• VapoRub Cream--it's VapoRub, except rather than the stuff in the greasy Vasoline-like jar which sticks to sheets and clothing and is impossible to get off your hands, it's in a cream form that dissolves but still sends the vapors to clear the congestion.
• VapoRub Lemon--It's the old gel VapoRub, except rather than smelling like VapoRub, it smells like lemons. Certainly, the VapoRub smell is "medicine-y" (for lack of a better term), but the pungent menthol odor is actually soothing and helps clear things out in a way that a scented product wouldn't.

FOLLOW TUESDAY: Longtime commenter Tosy and Cosh had the wise suggestion that we invite everyone to share their Twitter handles for following purposes, which oddly we haven't done for ... ever? I'll compile them all as a list at @alott5ma/regulars by day's end.

SUCK IT, MARCOTTE: The magazine itself is defunct, but that hasn't stopped US News & World Report from ranking America's law schools again.  Law.com highlights the significant moves.

MY BELOVED SPCWMN: NEVER LVING DCA. RMEMBR ME FONDLY, LV ALWYS, SPCMAN: Four years ago this week on the blog: Isaac offers a rebus; Bravo/NBC/Universal buys TWoP and Fametracker; Jeopardy! ends in its first three-way tie; Kim was recapping So You Think You Can Grease while Rob and Amber got needle-and-haystacked out of TARstars I ... oh, and Isaac dealt with USAirways at Reagan National Airport, and the regrets were manifold.

ANOTHER SEVEN ASTRONAUTS: Learning that Gilbert Gottfried was fired by AFLAC today for a series of NSFW tsunami jokes he tweeted brings me back to the whole "offended" vs. offended debate from Ricky Gervais and going way back in our culture, and brings in sharp relief the different between "oh-ho-ho, that Kathy Griffin sure is controversial" to someone saying something in a context that legitimately pissed off a lot of people.  You can get away with certain things in the sanctuary of a Friars Club roast that will not survive general public scrutiny -- especially if the jokes aren't stellar  -- and anyone looking for a career in the Obnoxious Animal Voices field now has a few more job opportunities to explore.