Wednesday, January 23, 2008

THE 2007 SPACECARS (TM), SPONSORED AND BOYCOTTED BY THE WRITERS' GUILD: Herewith, the 2007 winners of the Spacecars, awarded every few years or so for achievements in films that I saw in theaters during the relevant calendar year:

Best Picture: Knocked Up
Best Actor: Matt Damon, Bourne Ultimatum
Best Actress: Franka Potente in the dead-floaty recycled footage from Bourne Ultimatum
Best Supporting Actor: Martin Starr, Knocked Up
Best Supporting Actress: Julia Stiles, Bourne Ultimatum
Best Song: Ambient noise, Bourne Ultimatum
Best Adapted Screenplay: Bourne Ultimatum (adapted entirely by changing the second word of the title from Supremacy to Ultimatum)
Achievement in costume and makeup: The person who dressed and coiffed Martin Starr in Knocked Up
Best Animated Feature: None (also nominated: Bee Movie)

The term "Spacecars" is an unregistered trademark of the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Spacehold. AMPAS protects its trademark vigorously through legal, extralegal, and illegal actions, which include but are not limited to NAFTA arbitrations, cover-two zones, flash mobs, ninja incursions, tickle time, and swiftboating.

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