Monday, May 26, 2008

WHEN THE BAND STRIKES UP 'NEARER MY GOD TO THEE' YOU'LL WANT TO CRACK OPEN A NIUGINI ICE: The ruffians over at USS Mariner.com, a bunch of really smart baseball fanatics so devoted to the Seattle Mariners that they run the smartest and most well-respected team-centric fan site in the game at a loss, are pretty depressed that their forecast for a lousy season is coming true in spades. The season is so bad that the team's star and quote machine, Ichiro!, said after a recent loss,
[I]f ... I was objectively watching what just happened this week, I would probably be drinking a lot of beers and booing. Usually I enjoy Japanese beer, but given the situation, if I was objectively watching the game, I wouldn’t care if it was Japanese beer, American beer or beer from Papua New Guinea.
USS Mariner interpreted that as a call to arms, and accordingly enlisted their readers in a quest to acquire beer from Papua New Guinea.

The problem is that there is only one brewery in Papua New Guinea: South Pacific, which makes SP Export, SP Lager, and Niugini Ice (ugh). SP doesn't have a North American distributor, and nobody has been able to get his or her hands on (a) an SP beer; or, failing that, (b) a picture of him or herself drinking an SP beer.

My request to you: if you happen to be in Papua New Guinea, or at least P-NG-adjacent, please get me some SP. I will pay for it and its transportation. If you can't get me the beer itself, please take a picture of yourself drinking it (perhaps with some kind of sign that says "USS Mariner"). When you're looking at another 110 games of .300 baseball and a GM who thinks the problem is clubhouse chemistry instead of bad players who we acquired because they were great in the clubhouse (not so much on the field), the slavish service to Ichiro!'s demand for Papua-New Guinean beer becomes pretty important.

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