ANY GIVEN WEDNESDAY: There were some seemingly Top Chefs in the bottom three this week and an elimination that, in retrospect, was long telegraphed by the producers’ repeated failure to invite us to bond with the chef being asked to pack the knives and go. While it was briefly interesting to see some turnabout there, especially for the Grinning Fin, nothing had the feeling of a shake-up or real change in momentum.
The challenges turned about as well, reverting from the relative purity of Restaurant Wars to a nightmare frenzy of product placement (Oats!) and tepid, awkward <*Non-Infringing Designation of Season-Ending American Football Championship Game*> (Seahawks!!) hype.
For the latter there was a lot of work to do on screen, so I blame concept rather than editing for the fact that I barely understood what was happening. Between explaining the rules, contractually permissible/obligated display of the helmets, relating the teams notionally to regional cuisine, re-introducing the past contestants, and then comprehensibly presenting the prep, cooking, judging, and studio audience response for seven separate head-to-head cook offs, I’m imagining some late nights in the booth and at least one threatened resignation. It was an ambitious format, to say the least. It was also a failure on multiple levels. Try it with teams of two chefs at the start of the season, when the league hasn’t been pared down to conference champions and mention of franchises associated with cities emblematic of various American culinary traditions -- some of which have inevitably finished far, far out of contention -- doesn’t seem like a complete non-sequitur. Sourdough and salmon aside, Forty-Niners and Seahawks helmets aren’t doing it for anybody right now.
Speaking of non-sequiturs, it seems that what is doing it for everybody right now is the Bacon Explosion. It’s the new black, or at least the new Turducken; sort of a processed swine ballotine with enough calories from fat to send an entire Cub Scout troop on an emergency field trip to the cardiac catheterization lab. It even made the New York Times (love the post title). At the web recipe’s recommended volume, it can’t be safe to eat one of these things with fewer than ten diners participating. That’s not to say it isn’t possible, or that I’m not going to try, just that it isn’t safe.
Also: Go Steelers.
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