Thursday, February 11, 2010

NO, ROD, WE DO NOT THINK YA SEXY: Billboard has released its list of the 50 sexiest songs of all time (with mucho YouTubage), ranging from soulful slow jams to poppy odes to self-pleasure to stripper songs to songs that don't seemt dirty till you really start listening to the lyrics, at which point you realize they're really dirty. Linda Holmes has some issues with the list, particularly the utterly inexplicable #1 pick. I'm sure we can do better.

18 comments:

  1. Joseph J. Finn1:16 PM

    Britney Spears ranking above Madonna invalidates this list immediately.

    (scans further, afraid to look at #1)

    You have to be kidding me. 

    (Also, where is Liz Phair on this list?)

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  2. Rod has two songs in the top 10; that's damn sexy.  Least explicable is a song about an embarrassing erection placing at #4, as well as the notion that Peter Gabriel's "Sledgehammer" actually encouraged anyone to have sex.

    Grievously missing on merit: Justify My Love; NIN's "Closer".  But this isn't a qualitative list, but "literally, the 50 most popular <span>songs about sex</span> ever, as based on each song's performance on the Billboard Hot 100 chart (from August 4, 1958 -- the inception of the Hot 100 chart -- through the Jan. 16, 2010 issue)"

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  3. Maret1:20 PM

    Related, only because it is about music, but I thought Isaac and others would apprecite this Decemberists Cover Song Archive. (h/t @largeheartedboy).

    And, um, the Billboard list is PAINFUL.

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  4. isaac_spaceman1:31 PM

    JJF -- as Linda Holmes explains, Billboard exercised judgment only in determining whether a song was about sex or not.  If the song was about sex, then it was ranked purely according to Billboard charting.  A more apt title would be "Most Popular Songs that Are in Some Way about Sex." 

    That said, isn't "Toxic" sexier than anything Madonna has ever done?  And what of Liz Phair's songs is sexy, as opposed to just explicit? 

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  5. isaac_spaceman1:35 PM

    Holy crap, "Mr. Blue Sky"?  My head is exploding.  Can't wait to get home and listen.  But they missed "The Night they Drove Old Dixie Down" and that time when they were goofing around doing 80s songs in falsetto, like "Don't Stop Believin'" 

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  6. Joseph J. Finn1:47 PM

    "<span>That said, isn't "Toxic" sexier than anything Madonna has ever done? "</span>

    Skankier, perhaps, but certainly not sexy in my book.

    "<span>And what of Liz Phair's songs is sexy, as opposed to just explicit? "</span>

    I'd say Flower is both, but then again I find Divorce Song sexy so tastes may vary.

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  7. Jennifer J.1:53 PM

    This is the worst list I've ever seen about anything. I'll be upfront. Most people here know Duran Duran is my favorite 80's band. Their songs are almost always about sex. If a Top 50 list doesn't include Duran Duran then it's BS. "Hungry Like the Wolf" should *definitely* be on there and it was a huge Billboard hit! Also, if it has Donna Summer x4 (?) and only one Prince song...that's just ridiculous. Also, "I Wanna Sex You Up "performing" so much better than the master song itself which caused so much controversy..."I Want Your Sex"?! No more than one Madonna song? I just can't talk about anything this stupid anymore. Back to snowing in Dallas and hot java.

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  8. Isaac, thanks for the explanation - that makes the list suddenly make sense, although it's still ridiculous.

    If it were actually a list of *sexy* songs, it wouldn't be complete without INXS' "Need You Tonight" and "Son of a Preacher Man."  Oh, and "You Can Leave Your Hat On."

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  9. Scott2:14 PM

    Needs more Eagles of Death Metal.

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  10. bill.2:28 PM

    my #1: PJ Harvey's Rub 'til it bleeds.

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  11. bill.2:35 PM

    #2: The Replacements, Gary's Got a Boner.

    #3: Johnnie Taylor, Disco Lady.

    <span>Shake it up, shake it down
    Move it in, move it round, disco lady
    Move it in, move it out, move it in round about, disco lady
    Shake it up, shake it down
    Move it in, move it around, disco lady</span>

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  12. GracieGirl2:44 PM

    <span><span>Ooh, I hope you're getting to enjoy that java from the comfort of your own home.  I drove on in to the office this morning and am now sitting at my desk, mere feet away from a big picture window, watching the snow fall and wondering why I'm not curled up on my sofa with a good book.<span>  </span>If it freezes tonight, then I’ll telecommute tomorrow, but it won’t be quite the same since the flakes will likely have ended by then.</span></span>
    <span><span></span></span>

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  13. bill.2:45 PM

    #4: Robyn Hitchcock, Sometimes I wish I were a pretty girl.

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  14. isaac_spaceman4:04 PM

    Long ago, some friends and I agreed that the most wildly inappropriate song for a sex scene would be Dylan's Masters of War.  So I'm going with that:  #1 sexiest song! 

    JJF -- Britney isn't herself sexy, but she uses great songwriters.  Toxic is a great, great song (sung best by people who aren't Britney, but eh).  I can't think of a single sexy Madonna song.  I understand why people like her music and why it would make them want to get up and dance, but I can't fathom a Madonna song helping get anybody in the mood. 

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  15. D'Arcy9:13 PM

    I've always found "Fade to Black" by Dire Straits a very sexy song.  And my roommates in university said you should never listen to Sarah McLachlan's "Fumbling toward Ecstasy" album with a member of the opposite sex that you don't want to have sex with.

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  16. Jennifer J.1:15 AM

    I was in the comfort of my own home. :)

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  17. Jennifer J.1:15 AM

    Sue: I totally meant to bring up that INXS song. :)

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  18. lauri1:21 AM

    perhaps it's my nostalgic affection for vision quest, but i'd vote for crazy for you.   but i agree with you on liz phair (and i LOVE exile in guyville).

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