Friday, September 3, 2010

WE ACCIDENTALLY REPLACED YOUR HEART WITH A BAKED POTATO. YOU HAVE ABOUT THREE SECONDS TO LIVE: Among the truths this blog holds to be self-evident is that the world misses Fametracker.com -- misses, misses, misses deeply its savvy analysis of celebrity in the modern world. So I'm thrilled to see Fametracker vet Adam Sternbergh use his New York magazine perch today to perform what we can only call a Fame Audit on George Clooney, last audited by Tara Ariano in January 2001.

Ariano, then:
[W]hat we don't get is his whole career. Never mind the recent years, in which, following an initial run of notably inauspicious films (From Dusk Till Dawn, One Fine Day, Batman and Robin, The Peacemaker) Clooney somehow managed, just like that, as easy as pie, as though anyone could do it if they put their mind to it, to reel off an improbable run of notably auspicious films (Out of Sight, The Thin Red Line, Three Kings, O Brother, Where Art Thou?). Either he fired his agent, sold his soul to the devil, or both. Sure, he's offhandedly mentioned in interviews that, after the Batman débacle, he decided to do projects that really meant something to him and not worry so much about the paycheque, but come on -- we seem to recall Val Kilmer saying something similar after his own private Batman débacle, and last we heard he was in The Saint, At First Sight, and Red Planet.

.... Consider he nabbed the Golden Globe for his very charming turn in O Brother, and he has enticing future projects like Charlie Kaufman's Chuck Barris bio, Confessions of a Dangerous Mind, and Steven Soderbergh's Ocean's Eleven remake loaded in the torpedo tubes, we think he'll be just fine. As such, we aren't so much calling for Clooney to receive more fame as we are sounding the klaxons and unleashing a great Aaah-ooo-gah! Aaah-ooo-gah! to warn the citizenry: hug your loved ones, stock your pantries, and find shelter in doorways and under desks, because Clooney is about to start sucking up all the fame in a hundred-mile radius like the great, huge fame-sucking vacuum he has become.
(Emphasis mine.) Sternbergh, today:
The question is not "Does George Clooney guarantee a blockbuster?" (he doesn't, and he doesn't try to); the question is, "Does it matter?" Apparently the answer is no. Up In The Air was a moderate success, grossing $83 million domestically, but Leatherheads tallied only $31 million, falling short of recouping its budget. (Fantastic Mr. Fox also faltered, but we chalk that up to America's aversion to deadpan foxes and puppets, not Clooney.) Yet talking about numbers when it comes to Clooney seems not only irrelevant, but vaguely crass. After all, if he gave up the "I'll wear a cape and leotard for $10 million" game, shouldn't we?

Clooney remade himself into something more heroic: He is, if you'll pardon the allusion, the perfect storm of celebrity. He does charity. (Think Haiti.) He does playful. (Think his recent Emmy cameo.) He wins Oscars (for Syriana) and makes Capital-1 Important issue films (like Good Night and Good Luck). He shrugs off flops(The Man Who Stares At Goats) and runs with the Coen brothers posse. And he's the only current male star you can envision standing shoulder to shoulder with the likes of Cary Grant and Gary Cooper, largely because he's the only current male star who seems to enjoy wearing a tie.

12 comments:

  1. Becca8:50 PM

    I am curious to see how the numbers go for The American, especially in the second week, once word gets out about what kind of a movie it is. I found it unbearably dull, but my friend enjoyed it. It's a very quiet movie, with Clooney almost completely bereft of his usual winking charm, and he's good in it. But will people go see it? I'm not sure about that. I'm not sure what the movie wanted to accomplish. I knew where it was heading by about two minutes in, which is odd for me, so perhaps that isn't the point. The style, perhaps? A chance for Clooney to act without talking? Maybe that, too.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Becca--I don't know anything past the trailer, but it seemed like it had the European feel of Frantic, the Harrison Ford/Polanski movie. Is that totally off-base? I thought Frantic was tremendously underrated.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Becca9:23 PM

    I would say yes, though I haven't seen Frantic in a thousand years. It definitely has a more European, introspective, deliberately paced feel to it. I suspect the discerning moviegoer will enjoy it, but me? I'm shallow. I like it when shit blows up.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Joseph J. Finn9:58 PM

    What's interesting to me is that I appreciate when Clooney brings the dark and creepy; Syriana, Burn After Reading (both funny and dark) and Confessions of a Dangerous Mind.  There's something that he uses fighting against or with that Cary Grant feel that works in such movies that males the dark side all the better.

    That said, now I want to watch him tapping his pen against Strathairn's leg in Good Night And Good Luck once more.

    ReplyDelete
  5. I'm with you--I really want to see this, but I think it still slots in behind The Expendables on the list.

    ReplyDelete
  6. I saw this movie today and I must second unbearably dull.  I love Clooney (particularly dark and creepy) and the scenery is pretty too, but whatever point there was eluded me early and throughout.  Most of the audience around me felt the same way.  At one point above the scoffing and snoring, I overheard the following exchange behind me: "Ah, they're gonna kill him"  "Good."

    ReplyDelete
  7. Curious:  Is it bad in a "they billed it as an action/espionage movie but it's really a Focus Features movie" way, or an "even for Focus Features, it was slow and unfocused and bad" way?  I ask because I only recently learned it was a Focus movie, and I was surprised, given that the promotional materials made it seem much less like Focus's usual fare.  I mostly adore Focus's movies (Constant Gardner, Eternal Sunshine, Lost in Translation, Milk, Brokeback, Far From Heaven...), though they've had one or two real dogs (looking at you, Broken Flowers).

    ReplyDelete
  8. I'm bummed to read the bad reviews of The American - my dad and I were just talking about going to see this one. I guess we'd better get there this weekend before it's out of theatres. (My mom prefers rentals but my dad loves seeing movies "on the big screen" as he likes to say, so I'm often the free popcorn recipient.)

    Fact is, even if a movie doesn't get great reviews, if it has George Clooney or Tom Hanks in it I'm pretty likely to see it. And I totally agree with the article, Clooney definitely has that old-timey movie star charm. Also, 49 be damned - the dude is seriously handsome!

    ReplyDelete
  9. I'm bummed to read the bad reviews of The American - my dad and I were just talking about going to see this one. I guess we'd better get there this weekend before it's out of theatres. (My mom prefers rentals but my dad loves seeing movies "on the big screen" as he likes to say, so I'm often the free popcorn recipient.)

    Fact is, even if a movie doesn't get great reviews, if it has George Clooney or Tom Hanks in it I'm pretty likely to see it. And I totally agree with the article, Clooney definitely has that old-timey movie star charm. Also, 49 be damned - the dude is seriously handsome!

    ReplyDelete
  10. I'm bummed to read the bad reviews of The American - my dad and I were just talking about going to see this one. I guess we'd better get there this weekend before it's out of theatres. (My mom prefers rentals but my dad loves seeing movies "on the big screen" as he likes to say, so I'm often the free popcorn recipient.)

    Fact is, even if a movie doesn't get great reviews, if it has George Clooney or Tom Hanks in it I'm pretty likely to see it. And I totally agree with the article, Clooney definitely has that old-timey movie star charm. Also, 49 be damned - the dude is seriously handsome!

    ReplyDelete
  11. Erin must be REALLY bummed.

    ReplyDelete
  12. Ha! Nice.

    Yeah, I had trouble with the comments last night. Obviously. My comment on the jam band post shows up several times, too. Sorry about that - I really only hit "Post" the one time. (In fact, I'm a little nervous about clicking it now.)

    ReplyDelete