Tuesday, February 18, 2003

NON-CONFORM WITH ME! I can't have been the only one looking for a transcript of the The Simpsons' rib on the Seven Sisters colleges from this week. Courtesy Yeechang Lee, my one-time partner in trolling, here it is:
Lisa, tempted by George Plimpton's offer to "guarantee you a scholarship to the Seven Sisters college of your choice" (plus a George Plimpton-endorsed hot plate) if she takes a dive in the Spelllympics finals, dreams of meeting the colleges personified à la the Muses of Greek mythology.

BARNARD (wearing glasses): We are the Seven Sisters. And you can attend any one of us! Like Barnard, Columbia's "girl next door."

RADCLIFFE: Come to Radcliffe and meet Harvard men.

WELLESLEY: Or come to Wellesley and marry them.

MOUNT HOLYOKE (slurring, champagne glass in hand): No. Party with me! (Falls face first.)

VASSAR: Or nonconform with me! (Raises arms, reveals hairy armpits.)

LISA: Uh . . .

SMITH (muscular, carries lacrosse stick, husky voice): Play lacrosse with me!

BRYN MAWR: Or explore with me! (She and SMITH kiss with passion.)

LISA: No, I don't want to pay for college by throwing a spelling bee!

SISTERS (in unison): Give in, Lisa! Get a free ride!

PLIMPTON: And a hot plate!

SISTERS (holding hands and dancing in a circle around Lisa): Free ride! Free ride! Free ride!

PLIMPTON: And a hot plate!

(LISA wakes up screaming.)

No comments:

Post a Comment