Friday, June 6, 2008

THE TURK AT PLANET HOLLYWOOD: There are like 12,000 dancers in Las Vegas, and the judges are cutting about six dancers per round. That means that there are three usual staples of this show of which we'll see very little: soft-focus stories; Cat Deeley, and dancing. Instead, it's like a two-hour-solid block of judging, kind of like dinner with my grandma in the 1980s.

Spoiler alert: I'm telling you who's not making it through this round of SYTYCD:
  • Quitters
  • Moms
  • That pageant girl who thinks she's all that
  • The 45-year-old clinically-depressed '90s hip-hopper
  • The girl who just fired her agency, and also some of the other professionals
  • Everyone who was told "you were my favorite ... of the ..." in the audition rounds
  • One or more members of every pair that depends upon each other for daily moral support
  • The debilitatingly-injured (except Nigel) or possibly social-diseased
  • Lippy tappers
  • Selfish tappers
  • Soccer balls
So what we're left with: salt-and-pepper poppers with personality, a likeable female hip-hopper, a tank-like male hip-hopper hiding a shady past of formal training, a slew of mature male contemporary dancers with occasionally bewildering haircuts, an "edgy" (in the same way that Idol uses the term, not the way it's used in the actual world) female contemporary dancer, an alleged ballerina, several high school or college student female dancers that are so implausibly cute that they may actually be animated fabric-softener mascots, and a creepy overtanned high school teacher whose entire wardrobe consists of denim miniskirts and neon swimwear.

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