A List Of Things Thrown Five Minutes Ago

KNOW WHEN YOU'VE OUTGROW THE MISTAKEN ASSUMPTIONS: My name is John Steigerwald. As many of you know, I wrote an article that didn't go over that well. Some people thought it was insensitive of me to blame Brian Stow for being beaten by Dodgers fans because he wore a Giants jersey to Dodger Stadium, and then to suggest that people should insult him if he ever wakes up from his coma. In fact, I achieved the rare 0% on the commentariat's Tomatometer. Bad for me! Well, I am an intelligent human being, and I certainly did learn some things this week. The things I learned included the following:

1. In my article, I relied repeatedly on the assumption that people "think that wearing the jersey makes them part of the team." They don't!


2. On a related note, Halloween is now going to be much less terrifying.


3. On another related note, my "why isn't sports merchandising punishable under the fraud laws?" article is going to get a heavy edit.


4. I said repeatedly that wearing jerseys means that you are not dressed like a "regular human being." Professional sports are played by human beings? Get out of town. There is egg on my face.


5. My editor has just now informed me that when I say "there is egg on my face," I do not literally have to put egg on my face. Kleenex, please. Also, please feel free to return to town.


6. I also just now learned that paragraphs can be longer than two sentences. I thought that you were supposed to put a paragraph break where you take a breath. Many times in the past have I passed out and awakened face-down in the carpet after trying to cram three or more sentences into a paragraph. In fact, that rug burn explains why my face is so red in my head shot.