A List Of Things Thrown Five Minutes Ago

FOOFARAW: Before we leave the topic, 1991 fourth-place finisher Rafael Noboa has some final thoughts on fixing the National Spelling Bee:

First, thanks for having me. It was a blast. I, frankly, hadn't paid much attention to the NSB since I competed, but watching those kids compete yesterday and today, I felt like I was back there, in 1991.

About the bee: I'd consider many things, but the first thing I'd consider would be a reduction in competitors. Ideally, you'd have two representatives from all 50 states, the territories (including the district), and then English-speaking countries. The numbers of competitors has ballooned since I competed, and it's gotten to be a bit ridiculous.

By cutting down on the numbers of competitors, you have a tighter, better organized bee. I think it would eliminate the need for a written test, and you'd have a more natural pacing, with the spoken rounds taking as long as they needed to take. You wouldn't have a bloodbath round where spellers are required to spell words correctly more or less randomly. The competition would still take two days, most likely, but I think it would be a better competition.

The level of pressure is simply brutal. Brutal. It was intense when I was there, but, now, with prime time coverage, I can't even imagine what it must be like. Amanda mentioned the litigiousness of the parents when the Samir Patel foofaraw erupted; with TV coverage, and fame (such as it is), said litigiousness is amplified. A change I would make there would be that the only person authorized to make a challenge to a spell-out is the speller's sponsor. I got the feeling all throughout that minor scrape that the person who really wanted Samir back in there was his mom (who was also his coach, much like my dad coached me). That Samir wanted to continue competing I'll grant; but he admitted to Stuart Scott that he out-thought himself, and it just reeked of sour grapes. There's winning like a champion, true; but there's also losing like a champion. Samir didn't lose like one. Actually, I take that back--he would've, except that his mom didn't let him.

I guess what I'm looking for is for the bee to be fun. I totally got the impression that, for many of these kids, spelling was anything but. Samir (I go back to him--he competed five times, and yet, his demeanor was so joyless) apologizing for losing -- what for? Sure, his father quickly told him not to worry, but that he felt he had to apologize at all was off-putting. I read and heard stories of kids practicing upwards of six hours -- and I know it happens, because I saw it happen with my own eyes!

When I competed, some of my fellow spellers were goggle-eyed at me, because I hardly practiced at all that week. I'd like to say it was because I was care-free, but it wasn't; it was because I was jittery and full of nervous energy. I wanted to get the whole thing done and over with. It was the first time I ever spent time around people who were involved in monastic, ascetic studying -- the kind where you pore over things for hours on end -- and it blew my mind. I couldn't do that; life was too entertaining, there's too much to do!

I'm sure there's other things that need fixing, but these are just random thoughts, off the top off my head.

Oh, and one last thing -- well, two.

First, play-by-play is almost superfluous for something like this. You really just want to give way to the tension and majesty of the moment. If you're not going to do play-by-play and color right, don't do it at all. Or else, cut out some of the wannabe Olympics personal stories out, and do analysis with that time. Personally, I think you keep the stories in and the analysis out.

Second, please, please, please -- enough with the commercials. Show the whole finals, even if it's on the Deuce. Something live is better than something old. I know Texas Hold 'Em is yippie-kay-yay and all, but only when it's live. Showing the '02/'03/'06 WSOP over and over, ad infinitum, amen, gets old. You show the finals, live across the nation, not tape-delay pretending to be live.

Third (okay, okay, I fibbed), instead of having Stuart Scott or Mike & Mike, have some former spellers sit in for those three. If we're good enough to (not really) do color, we're good enough to do the sideline bit that Stuart was doing and whatever the bloody deuce those two morning show lummoxes were doing. Who knows -- we couldn't ask worse questions than Stuart, or be any more unintentionally condescending than Mike & Mike.