STAND BY "ME," WHERE "ME" = "MY ABILITY TO CHEAT THE RULES OF THE ASSIGNMENT: Gee, thank you Idol producers, because I didn't set the TiVo to run long and as such missed all of Adam Lambert's apparent pantheon performance of Tears for Fears' "Mad World". [Available online here -- HT to many of you.] For an instant reaction I turn to Kim, who writes:

So: Mad World. Not a song with which I am familiar, neither having seen Donnie Darko nor having gotten into Tears for Fears until “Everybody Wants to Rule the World” and thereafter. But what a beautiful performance of a gorgeous, melodic, interesting song that 99% of the population cannot even contemplate being able to sing. I think that one thing Adam has done really well for the last few weeks is to alternate his over-the-top he sang what?? performances with quieter, purer ones. So Ring of Fire followed by Tracks of My Tears; Play that Funky Music followed by this. And I think it’s worth pointing out that in addition to the vocal being stripped down, Adam himself stripped away a lot of the physical shtick this week. No eyeliner, normal hair, non-confrontational clothing, and the makeup people have finally figured out what brand of foundation works best on his skin. (Don’t underestimate the significance of that last point – Adam can be tough to watch in HD.)

My brief rundown of the rest, in a rough order from decent to below-meh:

Allison indeed chose one of the most boring songs of 1992. When I suggested "I Can't Make You Love Me" in the ALOTT5MA Boardroom (our official snacks: the tan m&ms, Pringles and Apollo bars), Isaac said: "Can't Make You Love Me was released as a single in 1991. Otherwise, I agree that it would be (a) an easy choice; and (b) certain to put her in the bottom, let's say, two." Let's hope not . Despite another messed-up outfit, a fine performance from The Inevitable Runner-Up. It just kills me that there were so many great choices out there for her this week and she went with the Raitt instead.

Anoop! Song choice! "True Colors" is a hard song to mess up, and easy to sell. Lovely. (He's still not winning.)

[Big gap]

Matt rescued "Part-Time Lover" from Chicken Little but as with Lil (see below), in this case I just kept imagining how Elliot Yamin would have been singing it better. Not nearly as good as the judges thought it was.

[small gap]

Lil got back in her box with Tina Turner, of course, but all I kept thinking about was how much better Melinda Doolittle was when she did Tina. And the judges indeed said, no, get out of the box! (Ahem, Isaac and Kim.)

Hokey Danny Gokey and Kris Allen take it to smooth jazz night. Has Kris' guitar ever been heard? Yawn.

[gaping chasm]

Scott Macintyre shouldn't be singing songs about searches and looking into people's eyes and seeing forever. I mean, unless he's okay with the rude facial reactions I make in response. That said, it was fine until the last twenty seconds or so, and then it was the bomb, but not in the sense of being Da Bomb, but in the sense of "if I were in a crowded theater and heard someone shout like that, I'd flee for shelter immediately no matter how much chaos it caused." Okay, no, it wasn't that bad, but he does not belong in this competition any more.

I'D CHRISTEN HER 'VICTORY,' AND SHE'D MAKE IT: By popular demand Because Isaac and I were emailing last night after the UNC-MSU game fell well out of reach, the first in a possible series of fantasy-booked "if Idol had more interesting theme weeks" sessions, starting this week -- and here, there was at least some demand (thanks, moo-shu) -- with The Songs of Polly Jean Harvey.


(Seacrest: "During the early-'90s alternative rock explosion, perhaps no female artist had a more distinctive vision, or was more critically praised, than England's Polly Jean Harvey. Over the course of her first three albums, Harvey established herself as one of the most individual and influential performers of the era, with her songs addressing love, sex, obsession, religion and the male-female power dynamic with remarkable intensity. These days, Harvey continues ...")

Our assignments:

Rounds: Missed. Maybe a little on-the-nose, but how could I give the song to anyone other than the remaining mother? (Isaac)

Macintyre: Dry. I think a person, which is not to say Macintyre, could do a nice piano-centric version of this song. Beef up the chords on the verses and layer them over each other. Then remember, on the choruses, that the piano is a percussion instrument. This song doesn't require spectacular vocal talent, and it could be done well by someone with imagination. Yes, I realize this is totally non-traditional casting. (Isaac)

Lambert: 50 Ft Queenie, and preferably the 4-Track Demos version. I don't think there's a better song for him to brag, wail and gender-shift than this one. (Adam)

Iraheta: Getting to pick for Iraheta in PJ Harvey Week is like choosing a song for Bo Bice during Southern Rock Week -- it's all in the wheelhouse, and it's just a question of making it perfect. It's a coinflip between "Sheela-na-gig" and "Dress" off the first album, each of which has tremendous power behind it, and I'll go with the latter, if only because the rapidity of the lyrics at the end of the former might be a bit much for the 16-year-old. (Adam)

[Isaac: How I would pay for someone on Idol to sing "put money in your idle (Idol?) hole." Incidentally, I have fantasized that both of these songs would be put to good use on Grey's Anatomy -- "Dress" during the "Ava is crazy" reveal last season, and "Sheela-Na-Gig" for the moment when Kevin McKidd's PTSD simmered, then boiled over with the choking. PJ Harvey would be perfect for a show built around a number of characters who are both strong, independent, successful women and also sometimes dark and twisty, as they tell us.]

Gokey: This feels a little easy, but "Victory." A big crowd pleaser with a giant chorus, no need for subtlety or self-awareness. You could see him in a leather jacket, waving his arm around with the squint-smile while the lights go all white and David Cook rock starry behind him. (Isaac)

Giraud: Perhaps the hardest to peg in this round, because he doesn't do "angry" well. And something like "Snake," which I think he could hit tonally, just can't be sung by a straight guy. "Meet Ze Monsta" maybe, but he doesn't have the swagger; "Oh My Lover" can probably be converted into something piano-centric and a bit brisker, almost with a Coldplay feel. (Oh, wait: Giraud + Coldplay? Oh well.) (Adam)

Desai: another tough one. I'll go with the melodic, but weird and inappropriate, "Happy and Bleeding." Mainly I don't want to give him anything too strong, like "Man Size," which would put him in his not-credible angry strut mode, or too lush, like "Send His (Her?) Love to Me," which I don't think he could handle. (Isaac)

Allen: "Send His Her Love To Me". How can you not go with the one song that's based off an acoustic, flamenco-ish guitar riff? Easy song to sell, clear lyrics, soulful delivery -- Kris might win this week. (Adam)

I'M NOT A FOOL, AND AS A RULE, I DO NOT BOND: Dear lord--there's a direct to ABC Family spinoff of Legally Blonde coming? Wiki has more details, which makes it sound like they've taken the Legally pretty much out of it. (Though somewhat awesome? It's directed by the guy who created the Whammy.)

I THOUGHT WHAT YOU DID WAS A HEROIC THING: As Adam noted, TNT reran "Love's Labor Lost," pretty much unquestionably the high point of ER, this morning, and I, working from home as I get over a bout of stomach illness, watched. I hadn't seen it in years (maybe even since its first airing), and some thoughts:

• Man, everyone looks so young and many of them had so much more hair (particularly Edwards and Whitford)--though Sherry Stringfield's hair maybe looks even better now than it used to.
  
• Because of how great the Greene plotline is, it's easy to forget about the very brief Benton subplot, in which Benton has to deal with his mother's broken hip, which featured some really nice work from Eriq La Salle, and some nice, not excessively anvilicious, parallelism with the Greene plot. (Similarly, even though Clooney was the breakout star of the show, he's barely in this episode--nor is Julianna Margulies.)
  
• The camera work throughout is just extraordinary--Long, carefully choreographed Steadicam shot as we move from one trauma room to another, POV shots which look particularly stunning in the HD version aired on TNT HD. Sadly, director Mimi Leder has never done anything as good since, going on to direct Deep Impact and (shiver!) Pay It Forward.
  
• What's fascinating is how the show demonstrated that even our heroes on ER could and would often be fallible and make mistakes. Even though Greene is our hero, he screws this case up, and screws it up badly. That's where the show lost its way more than anything else--it stopped being about folks who screwed up sometimes and started being about perfect heroes who invariably saved the day.
  
• The emotional payoff in a lot of ways is a scene that's nothing more than Greene breathing heavily and the sound of a flatline--there's no screaming, shouting, or overpowering score telling us how to feel--just darn fine wordless acting. Similarly, we don't hear the Edwards/Whitford confrontation--we just see it through the glass of the hospital room. Contrast with current shows, which probably would have used a pop song to tell us what we should be feeling, rather than trusting the viewer to find their own emotion. Similarly, there's no real comic relief plot (aside from an early "show me your teeth" joke)--this is an episode devoid of laughter.
  

Anyone else watch and have thoughts? Particularly interesting would be those who now have kids and haven't viewed the episode since pre-childbirth.

TO BOLDLY SPLIT INFINITIVES THAT HAVE NEVER BEEN SPLIT BEFORE: Apparently, J.J. Abrams' Star Trek screened (largely unannounced) in Austin last night, to an audience riddled with hard-core Trek fans as a double feature with Wrath of Khan. Harry Knowles' response (which contains some spoilers) seems relatively representative, and can charitably be described as geekgasmic.

EVERYBODY LIES TO THEMSELVES: With HIMYM and Gossip Girl in reruns tonight, I suspect many folks opted for tonight's House, which scored big points for having a genuinely shocking revelation in the first 10 minutes. Saying more pretty much requires spoilage, and since we haven't aired on the West Coast, let's keep it in the comments.

FULL COVERAGE: Dolly Parton covering Fine Young Cannibals--spectacular, or sick and wrong? (Related: Dolly Parton covering Collective Soul.)

HOT HITS! WCAU-FM: Given that most of our bloggers spent our formative years in the 80s and early 90s, it should come as no surprise that we love the idea of “Songs from the Year You Were Born” week on AI. (But for the existence of the tender young Miss Iraheta, they may as well just have called it 80s Week – the days of contestants born in the 70s are officially behind us. Eek.) Because this theme makes us feel a trifle, well, indulgent, we decided each to offer our own suggestions as to which songs Your.Top.Eight. should sing tomorrow night. The judges for this endeavor are: Isaac (b. 1970, Black Sabbath’s “War Pigs”), Kim (b. 1971, Janis Joplin’s “Me and Bobby McGee”), and Adam (b.1972, Elton John’s “Mona Lisas and Mad Hatters”).

[Methodology Note. We paid no attention whatsoever to whether AI could get the rights to any of these songs. We also didn’t work too hard on figuring out which year a song belonged to. For example, we’ve got “No One Is to Blame” recommended for both 1985 and 1986. The album came out in ’85, but the song wasn’t released as a single until ’86. So let’s not get too hung up on release date nitpickery.]

Gokey. 1980.

Isaac: There's a ton of stuff Gokey could do from 1980. "Shining Star" is right up his The Redeemer (tm Fienberg) alley, assuming he isn't Danny the Cheeseball Entertainer this week and therefore doesn't just pick the most obvious Queen/Billy Joel song near the top of the charts. By the way, London Calling came out in 1980 in the US and I didn't even give it a thought.

Adam: C'mon, it's obvious: "Grandpa pissed his pants again/He don't give a damn," Warren Zevon's searing "Play It All Night Long." As a fallback, I guess Paul Simon's "Late in the Evening" or Hall & Oates' "Every Time You Go Away" could do -- but the people want their brucellosis.

Kim: I don’t love 1980 as a source for Danny – too many of the vanilla big ballads he’s been leaning on. I’d much rather throw him into 1992 with Allison and let him tackle any number of songs from that period. (“Jeremy”!) But 1980 it is – I’m going to resist the siren call of the lite-FM highlights of my youth and offer up “Heartache Tonight.” It’s got some opportunity to riff, some nice notes in that gruff-shouty zone everyone seems to like, and it’s neither boppy nor too glurgey. If he can’t resist the slow stuff, let him take on Mr. Raspy himself, Kenny Rogers, with “Don’t Fall in Love with a Dreamer.”

Lambert. 1982.

Kim: The whole ethos of Lambertosity cries out for a performance of “Tainted Love.” But if that’s either not singerly enough for him (although he has not been shy about reaching to the stratosphere to create new high notes where none previously existed), he should add a riff on Steve Perry to his repertoire. “Don’t Stop Believin’” is presumably off the table, given last week’s group sing, but Adam could do a mean “Open Arms.”

Adam: When Kim and I first started discussing this, we started with Lambert, and both of us gravitated to "Tainted Love" right away -- it gives him plenty of opportunities to wail and insinuate. He'd be fine with Journey, but not freaky. "Wall of Death" isn't going to happen ... but it could.

Isaac: I'd guess he'd pick a song like "Harden My Heart," which would give him a chance to do some more showy yelling at the top of his register, but I'd rather hear the Stones' "Waitin' On a Friend." The mood and tempo would prevent him from screaming like he's just been stabbed, but the song would still let him strut his Jagger-lite stuff and it has a nice very high falsetto part that Lambert could actually sing better than Mick.

Lil. 1984.

Isaac: She's kind of disappeared from the competition and needs to get back on track. "What's Love Got to Do With It" was hugely popular (#2 of the year), is recognizable for everybody in the Idol audience, would bring Rounds back to the self-reliant vibe that propelled her into the finals, and is by a certified diva. Or she could do "99 Luftballoons." [ed. note: in German? ] [author response: ja.]

Adam: She needs her swagger back, but staying in her box with Tina is too predictable; she's not winning the competition that way. Want a game-changer? Culture Club, "Church of the Poison Mind," a soul-gospel number that just happened to be recorded by a white man in drag.

Kim: Lil needs her groove back, in a serious, serious way. This is not the week for her to sing anything except “What’s Love Got to Do with It?” The thing is, Lil has been outside her box for so many weeks that getting back into it won’t be predictable – it will be a relief. Get back into your box, Lil, now! It’s a good box! If she tries to experiment with anything else, on the heels of meh performance after meh performance, she deserves to go home.

Matt. 1985.

Kim: Interestingly, this is the only year with multiple contestants. Kris, Matt, and Scott will all be battling it out for the best of 1985. First of all, someone needs to sing “Sea of Love” (which is one of my favorite songs, even if it’s not really from 1985), and while I will pluck my eyes out with a steak knife if it’s Scott, I’m kind of ambivalent as between Matt and Kris. Matt could do a nice bluesy take on it, which should satisfy both the judges and the viewers for a change. But for some reason I’m liking the idea of a more aggressive, predatory angle for Matt – I suspect that “I’m on Fire” might alienate more people than it would attract, but I’d like it, anyway.

Isaac: 1985 is either the high or low point for what we think of as 80s music, depending upon whether you wore your bra on the inside or outside of your shirt, I guess. Hard to find an obvious midtempo falsetto R&B song in 1985 to please the judges. He's going to have to rearrange, and I'll bet he could do a pretty good bluesy piano-bar reimagining of "Saving All My Love for You" that would please the judges and get him through to the next round. It would have to be piano-only; this is the kind of stuff that Ricky Minor's arranging absolutely ruins.

Adam: Whoever draws "No One Is To Blame" wins. I'd like it to be Matt.

Kris. 1985.

Adam. "All You Zombies"? It is Pesach week, after all. Dire Straits' "So Far Away" has a nice tone to it that he can match, as would Cougar's "Lonely Ol' Night" or "Small Town."

Kim: In contrast to Matt’s more bluesy take on “Sea of Love,” this could be another of those Tender Kris songs that everyone, myself included, seems to enjoy. Ditto “Heaven.” But Kris has been smart, smart, smart about song choice, and I suspect that he might want to consider moving in another direction to avoid pigeonholing. So here’s a different approach: how about something from Dream of the Blue Turtles? I know that the Sting’s rhythms can be tough, but I could imagine Kris pulling off something like a stripped-down guitar-only take on “Fortress Around Your Heart,” if it didn’t come off too stalkery. But hey, “Every Breath You Take” has been sung twice on the show without negative repercussions.

Isaac: He's at his best with a really strong melody. A guitar-only "Careless Whisper"? Or "Sea of Love," which, of course, is cheating. It's weird -- I have no desire to penalize Allen, unlike other contestants, for doing the most obvious songs.

Scott. 1985.

Isaac: You know he's going to do the most pointless dull filler, like "You Belong to the City" or "One More Night," but I have two suggestions. "We Built This City," which is indisputably the worst collection of sounds assembled together intentionally since the dawn of time, but which seems just about right, vocally and stylistically, for McIntyre; or, my preference, "Miami Vice Theme."

Adam: "Careless Whisper". Or "Part-Time Lover"; even though it didn't sink Covais, it's due.

Kim: I can’t waste any mental energy coming up with a serious song suggestion for Scott. As far as I’m concerned, there is one song and one song only for Scott to sing from 1985: “Too Late for Goodbyes.” Hyuk!

Anoop. 1986.

Adam: The problem with Anoop is that he's not a good enough dancer to sell the stuff that he's most amusing performing. He's reached his limit. So, yeah, there's a lot of stuff on Janet Jackson's "Control" on which he could underwhelm (or "Dancing on the Ceiling") but I'd rather he go straight ahead for the ironic exit and take on Glass Tiger's "Don't Forget Me (When I'm Gone)." Either that, or pluck Gen X heartstrings with "In Your Eyes," or our parents' with Billy Joel's "This Is the Time."

Isaac: He has to do "Kiss," right? Why would he do anything else? Incidentally, "Party All the Time" was the #7 song of 1986, which is flabbergasting.

Kim: I hope Anoop resists the temptation of “Kiss,” because that song represents everything that Anoop wants to be and just isn’t. I think he’s stronger in the ballad realm, and it’s where the judges seem to like him as well. “No One Is to Blame” would showcase the nicer aspects of his voice, and if he could find a way to inject his personality into a ballad (i.e., without having to dance all over the stage wearing a Star Trek uniform and a sneer), so much the better.

Allison. 1992.

Isaac: 1992, to me, was musically the greatest of all years. Sadly, it's all music Iraheta has never heard of. "November Rain" could work, though it might need four times the 90 seconds allowed. I would be interested, which is not to say enthused, about hearing Iraheta on En Vogue's "Never Gonna Get It" or REM's "Man on the Moon" (which Ricky Minor, again, would screw up, so forget it). It's more fun to fantasize about what I would do if I were given a chance at 1992, the year of Dry, Slanted and Enchanted, The Chronic, Harvest Moon, Incesticide, Let Me Come Over, March 16-20, 1992, Hollywood Town Hall, Check Your Head, and Joshua Judges Ruth.

Kim: She has lucked out, being the only contestant young enough to pick from the early 90s instead of the 80s. Allison needs to connect with the audience in a way that she usually doesn’t – she has a tendency to sing to the rafters rather than the viewers. I think she’d do a knockout job on “Smells Like Teen Spirit,” especially if she used the Tori Amos arrangement. Ditto on something from Achtung Baby – a dialed-back performance of “One” without too much involvement from the band could be really amazing.

Adam: So many good albums from that year, and I agree on Achtung Baby as being a source, but I'd go with the album closer "Love Is Blindness," a bit obscure off that album but a song with some serious emotion to sell. Among the better-known songs of that year, no one's ever attempted Annie Lennox's "Why" on Idol, and Iraheta has the pipes to try it. One tip, if she does: when you get to "this is what I feel" towards the end? Have the music stop before the line, and just stop right there. Just like Lennox at Live 8. [Added note: Tori Amos' "Little Earthquakes" is also 1992, but a 16-year-old singing "Boy you best pray that I bleed real soon -- how's that thought for you?" is not something I expect to see on Idol. Or, per Isaac's suggestion, "Sheela-na-gig."]

YOUTUBER'S DIGEST: NY1's Pat Kiernan has developed more than a bit of a following in New York for his In Today's Papers segment (memorably sent up on HIMYM a couple of years ago), as well as for his deadpan hosting of World Series of Pop Culture. He's now gone national, with patspapers.com, in which he summarizes the essential headlines of the day--from North Korea's missile testing to the gunfire at the Brady/Bundchen wedding.

CO-STARRING DONALD'S HAIRPIECE: I'm only somewhat ashamed to admit that I continue to watch The Celebrity Apprentice. This week, we had the shocking(!) twist that both teams lost, and two people would be going home. It seemed exceedingly clear that Clint Black, the project manager for one team, would be fired, as he charged into a concept for a video (which he wrote, directed, and starred in) that was clearly inappropriate for the target audience. However, Trump decides not to eliminate Clint for his endlessly bad video, but instead launches into a tirade against Khloe Kardashian for having a DUI (a fact of which he was apparently unaware prior to this episode, despite having Perez Hilton as a special guest judge). The sense I got was that the producers told Trump that Black (along with Joan Rivers) is one of the very few recognizable "celebrities" left (could you pick Natalie Gulbis, Annie Duke, Brian McKnight, or Brande Roderick out of a lineup?) and told Trump he needed to find someone else to fire.

I BELIEVE WE ALL KNOW HER LAST NAME: If there were any doubt that, occasionally, American Idol does create The Next Pop Musical Superstars, last night Carrie Underwood was awarded the Academy of Country Music's Entertainer of the Year Award, breaking Kenny Chesney's four-year win streak and becoming the seventh female artist to be so honored, her predecessors being Loretta Lynn, Dolly Parton, Barbara Mandrell, Reba McEntire, Shania Twain and the Dixie Chicks.

What's becoming increasingly troubling to me about Hokey Danny Gokey (a/k/a DWG, RDJJ, etc.), along these lines, is that why he may be very good in a competition of "best singer within the confines of weekly American Idol performances," I just don't see the future in which he becomes the Next Pop Superstar. In that vein, he reminds me a lot of Taylor Hicks with his un-contemporary sound and kitschy performance style, and perhaps even more accurately someone like Melrose on America's Next Top Model -- someone who could shine within the artificial constructs of a televised competition, but with no hopes of major stardom outside that contrived realm. There are people within this year's competition who have legitimate aspirations to future stardom, but I just don't think he's one of them.

SINCE WE DON'T HAVE TO LISTEN TO BILLY PACKER, EVERYONE WINS: Our annual tournament pool concludes tonight. If UNC wins, Finch J. Bowman wins; if the Spartans triumph it's the "cg" entry by "B. Hurley".

Toss-up question: best men's college basketball team you've seen in the last twenty years? Without looking at any numbers at all, I'm just going to say the Larry Johnson-Stacey Augmon UNLV Runnin' Rebels of the early 1990s, whose athleticism and swarming defense were stunning; the runner-up would probably be Pitino's 1996 Kentucky championship team, which was just ridiculously deep -- Antoine Walker, Tony Delk, Walter McCarty, Derek Anderson and Ron Mercer (and others) all moving on to the NBA. As much as I like this UNC team, they're nowhere near as dominating as what we grew up seeing.

DR MAX REGRETS TO INFORM YOU: Early CNN fixture Tom Braden has died. While I liked Crossfire back in the early days, it never occurred to me that Tom Braden was the fellow who wrote Eight Is Enough, on which the Bradford family was based. Now, I think it would have been more interesting if Abby/Betty Buckley was having an affair with Robert McNamara, such opportunities were written out of the show by setting it in Sacramento.

I don't recall our ever having an Eight is Enough thread and given that it launched the careers of Scott Baio Ralph Macchio and Willie Aames, I trust our commentariat has something to say of the fine folks from Macarthur Park.

NO FLIPPING: ALOTT5MA presents the Adam Lambert Roundtable: A Discussion of Arts, Politics, and Culture.

"I THINK THE PROFESSOR HAS A BOYFRIEND": Well, no, NYT Styles Section, I haven't "CONSIDER[ed] the erotic potential between blogger and commenters" as your lede implores (and nor should you until we run our Win A Date With Matt sweepstakes), but that doesn't prevent me from being happy that our longtime online friend Ann Althouse is engaged to be wed.

GOD HELP THEM IF THEY SCREW UP ON PLINKO:This week's NYT magazine contains a correction concerning the crossword puzzle of two weeks ago, which apparently was not closely edited by a fan of The Price Is Right, who could explain the difference between the "Showcase Showdown" and the "Showcase." I was also reminded of the bit in the West Wing pilot (seemingly not available on YouTube) where Leo berates the Times for a bad spelling in the puzzle.

THOUGHTS FROM A WALT DISNEY WORLD SOJOURN, PART II: I cannot say enough good things about the new American Idol Experience attraction at WDW Hollywood Studios.

[First off, this disclaimer: I didn't audition -- the Wife did, so that's her story to tell. I know that her "Natural Woman" advanced her past the first screener to the "producer," which led to her walking out of that room with the traditional Idol reaction of glum, glum, then jumping-up-and-down-oh-my-God-I-did-it!; and can confirm her subsequent Facebook status update in which Jen stated she "finally understands the importance of song choice. 'Life is a Highway' did me no favors," which apparently led to the producer saying, "I'm sorry, it's a 'no'."]

The purpose of the auditions is to locate 6-7 groups of three performers each to perform in hourly shows before ~1000 people in a stunningly realistic approximation of the Idoldome:


The singers have a list of about 100 songs from which to choose, each with prerecorded backing tracks and edited down to ninety seconds, the same length as real-Idol performances. The winner of each show during the day -- based on audience voting on panels in the seat armrests -- moves on to the final show at 7pm each night. The winner of that show every day gets a "Dream Ticket" to bypass the lines at any real Idol audition in the future and proceed directly to the initial judges' screening. [Details at the FAQ. (PDF)]

The production values of the show are top-notch and authentic enough -- a lame warmup comedian, video packages and words of encouragement from formal Idol winners (plus a Jordin Sparks-led audience singalong video of "I've Got The Music In Me"), taped interviews with the contestants before each performs, live video of the performances on the monitors (and a clipped-together montage at the end before the audience vote), cutaways to the performers' friends in attendance, the Carbonated Beverage Hot Seat, an affable host and, yes, three judges:


If you're looking left-to-right, that is indeed Amiable Hefty Black Man Who Wears A Large Watch, Daffy Woman Who Praises Every Performer For Being Beautiful Before Evaluating The Singing, and Crabby Australian. Verisimilitude!

What's fascinating about all this is that in the land of when you wish upon a star, makes no difference who you are, which promotes "Where Dreams Come True" as the slogan at the entrance, in this land that aims to fulfill all your hopes they've now embedded rejection as an experience for its guests -- rejection in private by the "producers," or rejection in public by the audience, and hundreds of people, every day, are signing up for it. They want the opportunity to succeed -- and are willing to be judged along the way -- and we all want to watch them, just like we do at home. It's a must-see attraction. [Just as long as you FastPass the Toy Story Midway Mania! first.]

[Another take is here.]

Exhibition Review - 'Galileo, the Medici and the Age of Astronomy' - At the Franklin Institute, the Renaissance Cosmos Surveyed - NYTimes.com

KING OF NIGHT VISION, KING OF INSIGHT: The NYT reviews the new Galileo exhibition, featuring one of two surviving telescopes he used some four hundred years ago, making "The Franklin" a science museum once more in Philadelphia.

MCXIIITHY! Grey's Anatomy star Kevin McKidd wants a McNickname already.

YouTube - Op zoek naar Maria - Dans in het Centraal Station van Antwerpen

HAVE A GREAT WEEKEND: If this doesn't make you grin, I don't want to know you.

BUY ME SOME PEANUTS AND CRACKER JACKS: With tonight scheduled for the first official Major League games at the two new baseball stadia in New York (though weather is putting that in question right now), the Times has a comprehensive package, reviewing the architecture, history, and controversy of the parks. However, what I want to talk about is the lengthy article on the new (and allegedly improved) food at the ballparks, which include Blue Smoke barbecue and Shake Shack burgers (at CitiField), and pressed Cuban sandwiches and premium steak sandwiches (at Yankee Stadium). What do you eat at the ballpark?

STONE COLD 3:16 MEANS I JUST QUASHED YOUR SUBPOENA: Are you the best lawyer there is, the best there was and the best there ever will be? The WWE is seeking new in-house counsel. (They're also hiring a new play-by-play announcer.) Unclear if drug testing is required.

In related news, the WWE Hall of Fame Induction Ceremonies air Saturday night at 10pm on the USA Network. The Texas-centric class of honorees features Steve Austin, Terry & Dory Funk Jr., the tragic Von Erich clan, Ricky Steamboat, longtime ring announcer Howard Finkel and, yes, Koko B. Ware.

THE RABBI AND THE PRIEST WILL ALWAYS BUY THE KARAOKE MACHINE: Lost's Ken Leung (Miles Straume), the early years. (From Keeping the Faith.)

DR. GREENE, YOU COMING? I actually don't have a lot to say about the ER finale, oddly. I liked the little touches -- Carter teaching a medical student the exact same procedure Benton taught him in the pilot for inserting an IV line; a nap interrupted; Reese Benton coming back portrayed by the same young actor who started with the role in 1999; a small nod to the Benton/Corday thing; the touches of dark humor and broken penis jokes; Susan Lewis being Susan Lewis; a little basketball. And I imagine if I had watched the show during the last 5+ years, I'd have some understanding of what the Clooney-lite Stamos-Cardellini stuff was all about, or why Angela Bassett's so angry at everyone, or where Jerry's beard and Archie's competence came from.

No, I still don't buy the big surprise of the episode; it didn't fit with the character as we knew her, nor did she explain her actions in any way, and some of the meta stuff (any "it's time to let go" scene) was too heavy-handed, even for a season finale. Still, the show ended as it began -- a hospital organizing chaos as best it can, and as finales go, not a bad one at all.

HE INTRODUCES THE ACTS: CBS is the only major network with a network daytime game show anymore with the deathless The Price Is Right, but apparently, they're discussing reviving Pyramid as a replacement for the now-canned Guiding Light. If they are reviving the Dick Clark classic, who do you want to see host and who should be regular celebrity players? Are there other game shows that need to be revived to fill the slot?

The Associated Press: Obama's iPod gift includes 40 Broadway show tunes

SHE FINALLY HAS SOMETHING TO REPLACE THE AWESOME MIX TAPE REAGAN MADE HER: The AP's got the list of what showtunes were on the iPod Barack Obama presented Queen Elizabeth with yesterday and while we don't want to get into a discussion of gift-giving protocol here, you have to admit someone on the president's staff did a decent job of putting together a survey of Broadway highpoints from the last 70 years or so. Still, I think the Queen might have gotten a kick out of "The Internet Is for Porn."

W.H. HARRISON FRIED CHICKEN IS UP THE STREET: There's Kennedy and Lincoln Fried Chicken already, as well as a frightening selection of fried chicken joints named after various states. But now, you too can get Obama Fried Chicken.

THAT'S OK--I LIED TOO: Given its subject matter, it's kind of surprising we haven't blogged more about Damages--probably because it gets lost on Wednesdays with Lost and Idol taking priority. I haven't watched last night's season finale yet, but there were quite a few loose ends to be tied up, and while the first season did a fine job of tying off most of the over-complicated loose ends and spinning the show in a different direction for Season 2, I lack some faith this time, with characters randomly hooking up, failed murder attempts, bizarre casting (Darrell Hammond as an emotionless, psychopathic, assassin named "The Deacon?"), and Rose Byrne's desperate need for something to eat.

However, for sheer ludicrousness, I think it's going to be tough to beat Life On Mars, which I gave up on after the pilot, but Wiki has the spoiler for how it all ended and why exactly Det. Sam Tyler was in 1973 (different from the British show), which at least explains why "Major Tom" was played so often.

ETA--updated to reflect a version of Wiki that does contain the spoiler info.

SEE, THERE'S TWO KINDS OF DOCTORS. THE KIND THAT GETS RID OF THEIR FEELINGS -- AND THE KIND THAT KEEPS THEM. IF YOU'RE GOING TO KEEP YOUR FEELINGS, YOU'RE GOING TO GET SICK FROM TIME TO TIME. THAT'S JUST HOW IT WORKS: I've said what I can about the end of ER; I'm turning it over to professionals today -- Alan has a best and worst list (with much YouTubage); Alessandra Stanley on how the last season went meta; 15 reasons to remember the show from the readers of the Contra Costa Times; the Hollywood Reporter with a timeline and recap; the Associated Press on how NBC has changed over the past 15 years; from Variety, producer Joe Sachs responds to critics, ER's prop master on filming LLL and its 9-19-94 review of the pilot; and, finally, author Neal Gabler bids farewell to "the darkest, bleakest program on broadcast television and the one with the most sophisticated take on life":

Indeed, as its stars kept departing the show and replacements took their slots, it became more and more apparent that the real star of "ER" was the ER itself and that the room had been transfigured from a literal emergency room into a metaphor of crisis where every triumph is temporary because it is inevitably followed by another disaster -- actually dozens of disasters. It also became apparent that those who stayed in the ER and kept facing the carnage there were condemned. ...

The character who may have most embodied the damage inflicted by the ER is Dr. John Carter (Noah Wyle), who early on was the audience's primary point of identification and whose tenure on the program neatly traces the thematic trajectory of "ER" from its early nobility to its later futility. When the show began, Carter was a wealthy, fresh-faced intern, an idealist who cared so much about each and every patient that he could barely cope with tragedy. As seasons passed, Carter not only honed his medical skills, eventually becoming a great technical doctor, but he also learned how necessary it was to inure himself to much of what he sees. He is a great doctor because he feels. But he can function as a doctor only when he ceases to feel so much.... To regain his idealism and recalibrate his feelings, he leaves the hospital to work in sub-Saharan Africa and even falls in love and gets married, but there is a sense that he has been so brutalized by the ER that he will never be what he once was. Unlike so many other denizens of the ER, he cannot move on.

See you tonight when it's over -- no NBC comedies tonight, just a one-hour clip show and the two-hour finale.

ARE THEY PRESENTED BY A PARADE OF DUCKS? Announced yesterday as well were the winners of the prestigious 2008 Peabody Awards, recognizing "excellence and meritorious work by radio and television stations, networks, Webcasters, producing organizations and individuals," and it's a darn worthy list -- This American Life's amazing explanatory piece The Giant Pool of Money; The New York Times Web site for "aggressively and imaginatively adding sound and moving images to the news that's fit to print,[becoming] a leader in the emergence of new journalistic forms," Saturday Night Live for its political satire, Avatar: The Last Airbender for its "unusually complex characters and healthy respect for the consequences of warfare", Lost ("breezily mixing metaphysics, quantum physics, romance and cliffhanger action, [rewriting] the rules of television fiction," the Onion News Network, various documentaries, and then, um ... well, one of those other things on the list is not like the others, and you'll know it when you see it.

DAD IS GREAT, HE GIVES US CHOCOLATE CAKE: Back in May 2007, I complained loudly about Billy Crystal being awarded the Kennedy Center's annual Mark Twain Prize for American Humor, a sort of lifetime achievement award for comedy, ahead of a long list of more worthy names. The first name on that list was George Carlin, and he became last year's honoree, with the ceremony itself held after his death.

The second name on my list? Bill Cosby, who has now been announced as the 2009 honoree. The ceremony will be held in October, to be televised later on PBS.

WOULD KIM DICKENS MAKE IT A LOVE PENTAGON? Last week and this week they really dusted off the Lost throwback jerseys, didn't they? 80% treading water at alternating ends of the pool (shallow end: mainland flashback; deep end: island present), 5% Hurley's Comedy Minute (this week: Hurley and Miles read excerpts from last week's Lost message boards); 12% solid character work toward the end of the episode; 3% oh-that's-awesome-it's-over?-damn.

And speaking of that last minute, my favorite part of The Last Waltz -- I know I've said this here before -- is the part, after the world's biggest rock stars, many at their creative and performing peaks, put on the show of their lives, when Dylan walks out and totally, completely, indisputably, owns everybody. There's a moment during "I Shall Be Released," where somebody flubs something or is off-key or maybe just distracts Dylan, and he shoots a look out of the corner of his eye, and you can sense everybody snapping to, because, man, it's Dylan (which meant something completely different in 1978 than it does now). So that was exactly what happened at the end of Lost -- someone showing up at the tail end of a well-acted episode, just to say, "hey, don't forget who's in charge here."

AIN'T NO SUNSHINE WHEN SHE'S GONE: [Obligatory Idol results post. That Lady GaGa sure is different. Fienberg recaps.]

... AND START BEING REAL: Tonight at 8pm, MTV premieres Pedro, its biopic of the life and times of Real World: San Francisco star Pedro Zamora. Yes, that's right -- Pedro, Puck, Judd, Pam, Rachel and the gang being played by actors in a biopic. Unfortunately, and despite being written by Milk scribe Dustin Lance Black, it's apparently not good.

Choire Sicha has more on Zamora's legacy.

LOWBOY, HIGH CULTURE: I recently read a book called Lowboy: A Novel. I have read many hundreds of thousands of books in their entirety. This is in the top quartile. It is better than most things one finds these days at lowest-common-denominator chain bookstores, but certainly not in the strata of Barth, Wallace, Pirandello, Foucault, or late Joyce. I initially began reading it in English, but, finding that language and its facile colloquialisms tiresome, I translated it into formalist German and read it in that tongue. I am told that mine was an elegant translation. The staccato and more cultured Deutsch sharpened the characterizations of both Niedrigerjunge (to monoglots, "Lowboy") and Frau (or "Miss") Heller.

The novel, or, really, novella (which is a written, fictional, prose narrative that is longer than a novelette but shorter than a novel), depicts events in the lives of Will Heller, a paranoid schizophrenic who escapes from an institution because he believes that he must lose his virginity to save the world from global warming, and Yda Heller, Will's mother (aided by a detective named for the cousin of the Islamic prophet Muhammad), who hopes to prevent Will from hurting himself or others. I know an unusual amount about neurological disorders. Thus, I can say that John Wray, the novella's author, takes schizophrenia seriously and provides a well-researched and well-drawn portrait of it. It is a testament to the talented Wray and his translator that we, the readers, root for Will's triumph even as we recoil from its likely consequences. Wray also employs Will's schizophrenia to create a variant of the unreliable narrator device. In this case, Wray writes from Will's distorted perspective even though he does not purport to use Will's voice. Or, perhaps, given Will's disorder, the narrator of Will's portions of the novella actually is a dissociative identity of Will's! (This is not made explicit.)

I commend this book to those of you whose time is not frittered away passively before the television set and who enjoy books that are at least modestly challenging.

LICENSED TO ILL: Just how ill is King: The Illest Men's Magazine Ever? So ill, in fact, that it is now deceased. I guess we will have to settle for other men's magazines, which are, presumably, less ill.

PREVIOUSLY, ON ER: Yes, a lot of it was awesome, but we ought to talk about The Suck as well. So whether it was Dr. Dave Malucci, the Cleo-bot, one disaster too many or the helicopter that returned to claim Dr. Romano much like Captain Hook's crocodile, today's your day to remind us why despite all the praise we've given, most of us stopped watching the show at least five years ago. Or was the show just unsustainable given the amount of cast turnover over time?

[Speaking of The Suck, the San Jose Mercury News has printed the finale spoiler I mentioned on Facebook/Twitter last week. Do not click on this link if you want to experience this last Shocking Twist unspoiled, and do not discuss its contents in the Comments.]

Related: show praise from Sepinwall, Ellen Gray; Andy the Saint with 10 Memorable Episodes (though, seriously, Benton goes to Mississippi?)

[Previously, on our ER retrospective: the early years, noteworthy guest stars, romance in the ER, the Very Special Travels of ER, memorable character exits, what worked.]

FARSHTUNKEN SARAH MARSHALL: From a Matt Egan essay on Jews in Hollywood:

When Jews have appeared explicitly as Jews onscreen (big and small), they fit an over-determined mold. There’s a long history of viewing Jewish men as weak and feminine. There was even a belief at one time that Jewish men menstruated. This stereotype is still alive in Hollywood. Think Woody Allen: meek, timid, un-masculine, neurotic, intellectual. When I was growing up, "L.A. Law" was prominent. It might be hard to remember today, but for several years it was the biggest show on television. Unlike the other attorneys on the show –- who were womanizers, who did criminal law, who were masculine, who were played by Jimmy Smits and Corbin Bernsen -- the Stuart Markowitz character was a tax attorney who never had to appear in court. I don’t just remember his character - I also remember him a good foot and a half shorter than his wife. One of the few episodes I remember made fun of the idea of him having sex: after a heart attack, his doctor told him not to just avoid positions that would be too strenuous....

Like gays in Hollywood, Jews made films that could be read from a Jewish perspective by those in the know, but which passed by most of America without comment. Forgetting Sarah Marshall offers an excellent, recent example. For many viewers, the names Rachel and Sarah (with an h) aren’t notable, but to me, these are very much Jewish names. I doubt many viewers ever noticed the last names of these characters -- Jansen and Marshall. Those are very un-Jewish. Being aware of who made the film and of certain themes that are important to Jews in art, clues like the names of characters gave me a way of reading the film that probably never occurred to most viewers. Rachel, played by the Jewish actress Mila Kunis, has dark hair and skin. Sarah is blond and fair-skinned. So there is some ambiguity to both, but Rachel is ‘more Jewish’ than Sarah. Aldous Snow -- marked as strongly white by his name and his English accent -- is successful in many ways, despite being an idiot, because he is white. On the other hand, Peter’s problems relate to being Jewish. The Mormon newlyweds emphasize the relationship between religious background, social inclusion, and sexuality. The film becomes a commentary on the more common theme, found in Woody Allen movies and Philip Roth novels as well as There’s Something About Mary, where the Jewish male assimilates by embracing gentile women. Here, success is found in embracing Jewishness. This is often lost on audiences who miss the double address -- the quiet nod to Jewish viewers of a mainstream movie.

Related: our Top Jewish Movie Characters discussion.